Post # 1
I went somewhere with my mother, aunt, cousin and sister on Satursday. I don’t really see this branch of the family a lot, not as much as I see my father’s side. So, the subject of my bridesmaids was brought up. I already have chosen my bridesmaids but while I didn’t want to be rude to my cousin, I only really said “I am still putting that together” She started to pressure me for her to be in it. The thing is I really don’t want her to be in the wedding because I feel like a bridesmaid is someone you see more then once a year and besides, the other girls I kind of known since childhood. I kept trying to side step the issue because I didn’t want to be rude and outright say ” No. I already decided” I am seeing her again in a couple of weeks but I really need to address this situation it is stressing me out. Why am I more stressed out about bridesmaids then the actual wedding? Help!
Post # 3
Wow that is surprising. My FI isn’t even having all of his brothers be groommen and I am not having any of his sisters be bridesmaids. That seems a little much to assume that you are going to have a cousin unless you two are really close.
Post # 4
The thing is..we are not close. I only see her once a year at the max, also and I feel bad about this…I have my other three cousins on my dad’s side as BM (I didn’t tell her that) not because I was obligated to them but we actually are really good friends so that is an even more awkward.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
maybe there is another role you can give her? also, my cousin, who I’m really close to, has chosen her sister and her three closest friends – they are not including his sisters. I totally understand because she is not including cousins – I am sure I will get to do fun things with her like go for the dress and help throw parties, but I do not need the title to feel included. I totally understand why this stresses you out – everything seems like a big deal while it’s happening, and I think you’re legitimately worried. As long as you’re not including any cousins, I would tell your cousin this and find some other way for her to be involved.
Post # 7
My sister-in-law did the same thing! Just after I got engaged, she said, “So, are you going to ask me to be a bridesmaid?” I was flustered! The answer was no (we’ve never been close), but it seemed rude to say it outright so I said I was having a small wedding party but definitely wanted her girls to be flower girls (BTW, my SIL had 6 bridesmaids and I wasn’t one of them).
Post # 8
Don’t worry about it. When you see her in a few weeks, if she bugs you about it just tell her who you have picked. You don’t owe her a justification and don’t say it like you’re hesitant to tell her. Be happy, perky and excited about it, just like you would be if someone normal (meaning not expecting to be in your wedding) asked you. She has no reasonable expectation as to why she should be a BM, it’s not like you’re super close and been like sisters. Don’t let the stupid stuff stress you out, because trust me, there will be a ton of other things to do that lol.
Post # 9
That is, in my opinion, rude of her. Like any bride out there needs any added stress or pressure from anyone. Bridesmaids are your and your fiance’s decision entirely and the honor should be reserved for people you love and who mean a lot to you and who you truly want up there with you. I think the easiest thing to do the next time you see her and she asks (because it sounds like she undoubtedly will) is to say that you and your fiance have already chosen the wedding party and were under constraints or limitations and unfortunately neither of you could have everyone you wanted up there with you. Although, you certainly shouldn’t have to justify your decision or explain to her why you chose/didn’t choose who you did. You could just say “we’ve already chosen our wedding party” and leave it at that – no explanation needed.
Post # 10
A friend of mine had a very similar situation happen. She ended up feeling pressured into asking the cousin to be a BM, at which point the cousin refused! So strange. It was obvious in that situation that she just wanted to be thought of. It could be the same with this girl. But, since you don’t want to extend an obligatory invite (and who can blame you), I’d just be upfront, and maybe a lil less than totally honest. I’d say something like, “I had a really difficult time picking my BM’s, I wish I had more room for you but I just don’t. But I’d love to included you some other way.”