(Closed) put FI’s parents names on invites?

posted 9 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

How does your fiancee feel about it? We put my FI’s parents names on everything that we’re paying for (rehearsal dinner & wedding) and his parents put my parents names on the engagement party they hosted for us. If you put "son of….. and …." versus "Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Fiancee’s Parents invite you to…" there’s a different connotation. You don’t need to imply they are hosting!

Post # 4
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I did, but everyone is pitching in.

 

I would have wanted their names on the invite anyways, because this isn’t just my and my families wedding… he’s getting married too! I am really close to my future inlaws and it would have felt rude to not include them on the invitation…

Post # 5
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t and didn’t.  My fiance didn’t care though.  If he did I may have but traditionally if your parents are hosting, you wouldn’t put his parent’s names on the invite.  Not saying that it isn’t done nowadays (or of course if fi’s parents are contributing) and it seems like a nice thing to do, but don’t feel bad not putting it if it isn’t your preference.  I’ve actually never received an invitation with both sets of parents names on it.

Post # 7
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Maybe just say that you and your parents want to keep the invites ‘traditional.’  Find some Emily Post quote to back you up. 🙂  Try and explain to him that it totally isn’t ‘dis’ to your FILs.

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

You might ask your parents how they feel about it also.  You wouldn’t want them to feel offended either.  I just witnessed a full-blown "loud discussion" (fight) between a mother and daughter over this exact topic.  The final words were spoken by the mother and they were, "I want the groom’s parents mentioned because it extends courtesy to them, end of story".  And, that was the end of the story.

I design invitations and announcements for living, so I hear this discussion a lot.  Since your parents are hosting, ask them their preference. 

Good luck!

Wendi

Post # 9
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

my FI’s parents have contributed…a little.  i put "son of Mr and Mrs XXX" because it occurred to me in the process of doing the invitations that it meant a lot to my FI to have his parents names on it too.  at the end of the day it would have been fine just to have my parents, as they are paying for the bulk of the wedding, but why hurt my FI’s feelings?  

Post # 10
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington

Depends on how your FI feels about it.  And I agree with one of the posters you can say:

 

Mr. and Mrs. Kate request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter

Kate

to

Joe

Son of Mr. and Mrs. Joe

 

That would mean they are not hosting the wedding, but could still have them feel like they are being left out.

Post # 11
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

My parents and Mr HW & I will be paying for everything. BUT we will be putting both parents’ names on the invites ….i.e. Mr & Mrs HW along with their parents Mr & Mrs HW woman’s parents and Mr & Mrs HW man’s parents request the honour of your presence.

Our parents have met several times and really like one another, and I know (unfortunately bcoz I’ve planned a wedding before) that my parents will foot a lot of the bill but will also want to include my FIL’s as co-hosts because we are two families joining together. It’s a matter of respect with my parents to honor our new family.

Post # 12
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

I say do it…My FH’s brother and his wife did not put their names on the invitation and they got extremely upset about it (and they paid for the RD). Their feelings were really hurt; they felt like they had just as much a part in the wedding as her parents did. And I agree; just b/c they’re not paying for the entire wedding doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be honored too. That’s just my experience…and at least the FIL’s won’t get mad at us b/c we know to put their names on the invitations 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I used similar wording to Worsttwinever15

With Joy in our hearts and thanks to the Lord,

Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents

request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter

Bride

to

Groom

son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents

etc. 

 

Fi’s parents are paying for the traditional rehearsal dinner, as well as throwing us a second reception in California in July, but not contributing to the wedding, so we didn’t include them as the inviting party. 

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

NOPE. your parents get the sole honor of hosting. Mention FI’s family in the programs

Post # 15
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would include their names. I’m in a situation where I absolutely love my future in-laws, so I wouldn’t want to leave them out.

Even though they are contributing as much financially, they are still partially hosting the event in general. I’m sure they would appreciate it, and there are a lot of sites online that show how to list out complicated situations.

Post # 16
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i second WorstTwinEver’s format!

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