Put in the middle by in laws

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MrsBeck:  First off, I’m sorry you’re dealing with crazy in laws! I’m the one who comes to the relationship with hard to deal with parents, but I see the stress is causes SO, as he grew up like you, drama free normal type family. You can see it in his eyes sometimes, my family just bewilders him!

Its a little hard to give you advice on how to stay out of the middle because it’s hard tell how you’re in the middle exactly? It’s a tricky situation for sure though. I guess you just have to work really hard at maintaining neutral without cuttin off contact completely. Just try to slide over the confrontational stuff, do t give our opinion and don’t let them make you a messenger. You can refuse to be an accomplas in theit shenanigans without refusing to communicate with them!

Good luck, some times in laws can be the most challenging!

Post # 5
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsBeck:  Wow stressful. I think your husband is deffensive, while it’s annoying and stressful, I think you are taking it to far by suggesting that he cut off his parents for that. If you take a step back and have some more resonable request then you guys could work together.

I’m not sure what their behavior is but I had friends with the same issue so this is my advice.

1. Bringing up old stuff, you can say it was before my time and I don’t want to talk about it.

2. Fighting bickering at family events, while you shouldn’t cut them off I think it’s perfectly reasonable for your husband to tell them if they can’t behave, be polite, then they will no longer be invited.

3.I suggest your husband stop enaging with them and stop being a middle man. If he refuses they won’t have any options for dragging you two into the middle of things. So he should have a standard response. So mom calls to complain about dad, “Mom I not getting in the middle of you guys, it’s been eight years move on, either way I’m no longer talkiing about Dad with you or vice versa. Then keep doing it until they get the message.

Post # 7
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsBeck:  I just think as it’s his parents it’s his choice to make, and it’s easy to end up with a situation where he resents you if he did that. I think if he doing those things it’s leaves them with very little options to continue this fight.

The weirdest things about this is most of the time when the parents are nasty like this they aren’t even in communication with each other and so the kids get it taken out on them!

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