Post # 1
When all of my BMs and I went to choose their dresses a couple months ago, the girls all settled on one dress, which I adore (Alfred Angelo 6453 in robin’s egg blue). FI and I want a fun, relaxed atmosphere for our semi-formal event, so I had already settled on emerald green satin flip-flops from Dessy.com for the BMs (emerald is our accent color, also the color of my shoes), which I was going to buy for them. 3 of my 4 BMs were fine with it. FSIL, who is also BM #4, and FMIL flipped when I told them what I wanted to get them. I mean FLIPPED. I left the store practically in tears because they more or less told me I couldn’t do that. They thought everyone should wear white heels. It wasn’t so much the shoe that I was upset about as being told that I couldn’t do things my way.I talked to FI about it, and he said he’ll back my decision, when I come to one.
Fast-forward 2 months… No shoe decision has been made, and FI and I are close to stretching our budget. I am thinking about letting the girls just wear their own white shoes, to save us a little money. That would be all fine and good, but a big part of me wants to put my foot down and shell out the cash (under $100 for everyone’s shoes) just to prove a point to FMIL & FSIL about the fact that I won’t let them bully me. They are both used to having their way, and can be darn rude about getting it. I don’t want to ask the girls to buy a specific shoe just for my wedding, because most of them already have white dress sandals/shoes, but I really want them to wear these fun bright shoes! What do I do?? Thanks!!
Post # 3
That’s weird that they want white heels, but I say, pick your fights and that’s not one that’s worth it in my opinion! =)
Post # 4
I would buy them all the shoes and ask them to wear them. Personally, I didn’t want to specify shoes for my girls but since you want it and are paying for it, I think you should go for it. Also, when I’m pushed around, I push back with even more force and since they were so rude to you, I think you should stick to your guns.
If your FSIL refuses to wear the shoes that you have bought for her, then she will look bad at the wedding. She won’t match the rest of the BMs and anyone who notices will know that she was being difficult.
Post # 5
I know money is tight & everything-but you should have what you want. When it’s her wedding she can do what she wants. Good luck!
Post # 6
I also find it a little strange that they want white heels of all things. My bridesmaids begged me not to make them wear white/ivory shoes because you can’t really wear them that often and they didn’t really like any they had seen.
Anyway, I do agree that you should just pick your battles. Let them do their own shoes and you can put your foot down about something else more important.
Post # 7
If it’s something you really REALLY want, go for it. I think it’s really nasty of your FSIL and FMIL to have been that rude, especially after the bridemsaids had complete control over what dress they would wear.
If it’s something that you are only so-so about, then it’s not worth it. Save the cash for something else.
Post # 8
I’m having a really hard time picturing emerald shoes and robin egg blue dresses…as a general color scheme I love it, but having those two strong colors togethers might detract from YOU! Pick your battles, girl. Is this something that you absolutely will regret in 20 years? If it is, stand your ground and don’t back down. If it’s just a power struggle (which really, that’s what it sounds like) then I would be the gracious one and just let it go. I’m am sorry they were mean to you, and that’s not okay. I’d have a sit down with them or write a letter telling them that how they handled the situation was not okay and that you require respect as a person.
Post # 9
why does FSIL not like them? Is it the color or that they are flip flops? Some people can’t stand the thing between their toes! If it is just a matter of her not liking the style, then just go ahead and buy them. It’s not her wedding. However if she just hates flip flops because she thinks they’re uncomfortable, you might need to be a bit more flexible.
Post # 10
Since your budget is tight, I’m sure you will wish you had that $100 to spend on something else. Just think about what is most imporant and spend the money towards that 🙂
Post # 11
I’ll be buying my ladies shoes. I am insisting that they wear them to the ceremony and for the pictures. Since I know these shoes are not the best for dancing the night away (I’m going for kitten heels for them so they don’t tower over me in my flats)… I’m leaving their rehearsal shoes up to them!
Post # 12
Thanks for the input everyone!
@KMSull-You’re right that its a power struggle, but this whole wedding has started to feel that way :).
@AnnieAAA- You’re right that I have thought of other places where we could spend that $100, but dang, I hate to give in! I guess I just need to not be so stubborn lol!!
So what do you all think for a color, rather than white? I’m thinking silver?
Post # 13
Silver is much better than white. White sounds…old school I guess. Why don’t you tell them to all wear silver shoes so they can pick out their own? I told mine they could do gold, champagne, silver, blush metallic (Jcrew has a bunch of “guava” sandals) and they all just picked something that was comfy and they had knee-length dresses on, so it added a LITTLE bit of a different look to each girl. Some wanted 4″ heels, some wanted flats, etc.
Post # 14
yes! silver would be 100x better. I am a BM in a wedding in Jan and the bride just specified we get silver shoes =)
Post # 15
@ejs4y8 – I love those options for shoe colors! I might have to borrow that!!
Check another item off the list-of-stuff-I-said-I’d-never-worry-about-but-now-I-am!
Post # 16
EJS: I’m glad you said it! I was also thinking white heels are a little 80s for bridesmaids ;o)
I think silver is a great idea and it looks so good with blue. I’m doing a bright pink and having my BMs wear silver shoes.