Weddingbee boards

Hi Ladies,

This one is a little long, so skip to the end if you just want to read the question! 

So, SO and I went to he ring shop again on saturday (yay!) and found a real beauty. SO asked the jewler how long it would take to make one very similar, in my size and was told about 8 days (hold your horses though... Iwon't be getting it in 8 days time). When my SO asked about price, the ring is above my SO's budget - I told him that i'd be happy to go for a smaller diamond, but he wants to do things 'properly' (and i'm not going to argue!). He did tell me that this is going to take him another 6 months or so to save up... (he's been saving for almost 1 year - an has just managed to pay off most of his debts so I don't want to be pushy). The only problem is that I REALLY wanted an engagement in the snow... and thats not going to happen, so I suggested that I put some money in too, to help seeing as though he has saved up the most himself. I earn a bit more than he does, so I have a little more cash to spare and figure that we alreay share all of the living costs now, and will be sharing this ring and them moment it brings for the rest of our lives. He's not comfortable about this, so I told him that I'll pay some cash into his savings account on a monthly basis, to match what he adds and if he doesn't want to use it he can give it back to me after we're engaged.

So long story short... what do you think about contributing towards your own ring?

Let me know your thoughts!  

@emmylouloubobells: 

hello! i agree with you. i would also love it if my bf would let me contribute with the cost of the ring. we have been ring shopping for like 6 months now... we´ve searched on the internet, visited jewelry stores, everything you can think of....and finally about 2 weeks ago, we found THE ONE....everything about the ring is perfect, including the price!!! the stone is amazing, and conflict free...(that was really important to us)....but my bf is still saving up his money to get to the price point we had agreed on....and he IS trying really really hard....he has his regular job, and then we work together on independent projects too (we´re both architects)....

At the very beginning of the year we planned on getting engaged this december...however, because it took him a little longer than expected to get his promotion, we had to change our plans...i offered my help in buying the ring (you know, so our plans wouldn´t be altered and we could still get engaged this christmas)....after all it is quite expensive (for us at least), and like you, i told him that if we´re getting married, we´ll be sharing the cost of everything from then on, what better way to start that than with our engagement ring.... but he turned me down flat. he said he understands we´ll have to work together to earn everything once we´re married, but in regards to the ring HE WONT TAKE 1 CENT from anyone, he says it means everything to him to be able to buy it for me, that it´ll make him fee proud of himself, and he won´t hear another word. i love him, and i want him to be happy...if buying the ring on his own means that much to him, i´ll wait for my ring as long as i need to wait...he really is one amazing man.

If it works for you, I think contributing to your ring is a great idea! The decision to get engaged is one that's being made by both partners, so why should the payment just have to come from one?

Personally, I would not contribute to my ring, but that's becuase of my specific relationship with Mr. PB. In many wedding-related things, he is actually much more traditional than me, and I'm pretty confident he'd struggle with accepting my help. Luckily, while the ring I picked is expensive, it's completely reasonable based on his income and savings. That's not to say he has to get an expensive ring because he can afford it, but he wants (as I think most men do) to get me the ring of my dreams. He is also more able to contribute to that becuase his income is much higher. For our situation, this works for us - but every couple should make their own decision based on what's right for them! 

If your SO isn't comfortable accepting money outright for your ring, perhaps you could contribute additional money to household expenses so he can save more for the ring? Just a thought! 

I really wheeled and dealed with my FI on the engagement ring (a little embarassed to admit, but it's true). The "stipulations" on his end was that he wanted to pay for the ring in full and, due to sentimental reasons, never wants me to "upgrade" or alter it in any way. I agreed, but under his conditions asked that I then start with a really spectacular ring. Spectacular typically meaning more expensive.

We agreed that I would pay every single bill in full and he could put his money towards saving for the ring. With this arrangement he was able to save up quite quickly "his" money for my awesomesocks ring.

If this is something you are able to do financially and your FI is agreeable to it, I highly recommend it. You may still be able to get your proposal in the snow!

Hey Bees - thanks for the great responses!

Having read what you've written i've taken on board a few great ideas and a variety of opinions, all that add something new.

To clarify - as I don't want to seem like a spoilt brat in a hurry :) - SO and will have been together 8 years this coming January and have lived together since the beginning (we had a 2 year LDR after uni where I think we spent most of our money on flights back an forth every month!). Marriage didn't even enter his mind until about a year ago, when I asked him what was going on (we are very open about these things - if fact he's sitting next to me, playing on his x-box (no he's not 14 he is actually 27!?)) and giving his points of view on some of your ideas!) 

He's adamant that he wants a sunny proposal, so I won't be getting the snow anyway, as he's got a game plan... (Although I did just ask if he wants a sunny 'hot in the middle of July' proposal, or a sunny 'crisp sunny day in the middle of March' proposal, fingers crossed the later)

I'll try to be patient for a little longer and help him financially in other ways just to give the support....

Thanks for your input bees!