(Closed) Putting My Brother on the Spot re: Bridesmaids?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I ask my brother if he intends to marry his girlfriend?
    Yes - good to know and as a bonus you can get up on the family gossip! : (9 votes)
    45 %
    No - don't freak the boy out! : (11 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    he might surprise you…I asked a cousin the same question (more pertaining to no random girlfriends in family photos) and he was all “yeah, she’s not going anywhere anytime this lifetime”

    I say ask him over the phone

    Post # 4
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I wouldn’t ask your brother anything.  I really puts him in a tight spot and honestly isn’t your business.  It’s their relationship and their relationship alone.  As you said, an engagement may not be anywhere near his horizen at this point.

    And honestly, since you aren’t close to her, I wouldn’t ask her to be a BM.  As much as I can understand the setiment that she may be your sister-in-law at some point in the future, they aren’t even engaged yet.  What if (god forbid) 6 months after your wedding they’ve broken up?  How will you feel looking back at your photos if you have your brother’s ex who you aren’t even close to in a ton of pictures?

    If you were really close to her independent of her dating your brother I’d say go ahead and include her.  Same as if they were already married or at least engaged.  But as the situation stands now, I wouldn’t ask her to be a BM.  Maybe have her do a reading or pass out programs or something if you want to include her in the day?

    Post # 6
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree on the looking back part that FutureKMM states but people unfortunately lose friends who were in bridal parties all the time.  Don’t you want to look back and remember a happy time in your life? Everything happens for a reason and people come and go for different reasons.

    Like FutureKMM says maybe there’s another responsibility you can ask her to do.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    If he’s at all not sure then i’d be cautious about having her in the wedding party.  If they break up you’ll be stuck with her in your photos forever!  I’d say give her another part – usher, reader etc to keep it safe.

    Post # 8
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @marlew: But I think there is a big difference between looking back at pictures with a BM who used to be a really good friend (at the time of the wedding) but you’ve unfortunately lost the friendship with due to whatever reasons and looking back at a brother’s ex who you were never close to to begin with.  With the old friend, you have years of good memories despite whatever led to the friendship ending but you really wouldn’t have anything to remember fondly with the ex other than “oh, she dated my brother for a while”.

    @Entangled: Just because you intend to stay with someone doesn’t mean that it always ultimately works out (unfortunately).  And I still say that it is none of your business what his intensions are and that you shouldn’t ask him anything.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think you can certainly ask her to be a bridesmaid regardless of where your brother intends for it to go (after all, no matter what he tells you know, he may change his mind). Point is, she’s in your life NOW, so invite her if you want! Lots will change through the years with friends, SOs, even people’s husbands/wives, but you can’t worry about all that when making your guest list.

    Post # 12
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I was in the exact same position when I was chosing bridesmaids.  I asked my brother, he said he was planning to propose a few months later, and by the time our wedding came, they were engaged and I was very happy to have my brother’s fiance as a bridesmaid.

    Certainly doesn’t hurt to ask.  If he is at all hesitant, I would suggest not having her as a bridesmaid, for the reasons mentioned by others.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6998 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    i dont know about you but im pretty close with my brothers, i would have no problem asking that….what else is family for but to put you on the spot and test your patience? 🙂

    And being a girl, if my brother had been dating a girl for 5 years i would give him hell for not asking yet. haha but thats just me, both my brothers would take it pretty well i think

     

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