Putting Off Engagement

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

That stinks!!  Sorry to hear it.  I think you did the right thing though, no secrets needed!

Post # 5
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Are you guys young? It seems pretty common for younger guys to be more hesitant with telling their families. I agree though, I would be completley put off if my guy told me he wanted to wait to share the news- getting engaged is exciting and you should want to spread the word. However I dont think there’s a deeper problem, I think he’s just nervous. I would try talk to him about why he’s feeling this way. His parent’s opinions shouldnt decide his life.

Post # 6
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’d ask him.  My SO was reluctant to tell people and it wasn’t until I talked to him that I found out it was a) very imporant to tell people in person, not over the phone or via facebook, and b) he had a very particular order of people he wanted to tell (parents first, then sister, then close friends).  For guys this can be a really big deal (almost more than actually asking you!).  I can see why it bothers you, but I’d ask him, sit down and talk about it, find out what his reasons are before making a huge emotional leap of logic.

Post # 7
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My FI also wanted to hide our engagement from his parents for a while (they’re not thrilled due to religious and health-related reasons) but we decided to go ahead and it all went as well as could be expected.  I didn’t quite realize how much drama it all was going to unleash so now I understand his concern.  I agree that it could help to talk to him about why, specifically, he wants to keep it quiet.  You guys are going to have to deal with his family eventually.

Post # 8
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@coachhw:  What prompted the ring purchase? Is it possible that your SO felt pressured to propose in any way? I’m just wondering since you mentioned telling him that the next vacation would be a good time to propose…I’m getting the impression that the proposal is something you have talked about at length. Considering he doesn’t want to tell everyone about the engagement immediately, it sounds like he isn’t ready yet. Or maybe he wants to propose to please you but is still hesitant?

Post # 9
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@coachhw:  I think you should ask him flat out why he doesn’t want to tell his parents. If he is willing to invest so much into you, he should be fine telling them. What’s going to change between now and a few months? I think he needs to be honest and up-front with you about his feelings.

Post # 12
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@coachhw:  Yeah but he’s already chosen you. They can’t be THAT shocked. They must have some idea, at least. I think you should offer him some support and remind him why he wants to marry you. He might be feeling kind of alone in his feelings/thoughts. I wouldn’t push him away. Tell him you love him and at the end of the day he can count on you to be there even if his family won’t. They’ll get over it. And if they don’t, oh well. Prove them wrong and be happy together. Best of luck hun.

Post # 13
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Then just wait until he’s actually ready to propose. 

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