Post # 1
Ok Bees I need advice/suggestions?!
For some background, we’ve been together over 3.5 years and lived together since 7 months in. I moved 2.5 hours away from my family and friends for a great job opportunity where FI lived and obv to be with FI. I’m 31 now and FI is 33.
so let’s face it sometimes reality bites!! I work 8.30-5.00 Mon-Fri, and my FI works all different shift patterns including weekends,he gets one full weekend off in 5. When we first lived together he worked the same shift as me, this changed over a year ago. My family live 2.5 hours away so I travel back home a lot when he is working weekends to visit them. We really don’t spend a lot of quality time together at all!! I have been generally SOOOOO happy with my FI but since we got engaged 2 months ago I’ve been kinda freaking out, that this is it!!! We don’t seem to have a lot of fun together anymore, mostly because we have no set time together. Even if we are on the same shift by the time we go to the gym/sports get home, get dinner, clean up,walk the dog its bed time. I know this is reality but hmmmm I’ve always been an adventurous person and like being social! Part of me wishes we didn’t live together so soon cos alot of the mystery and excitement of the relationship and the dating phase got lost quickly.
We used to have sooooo much to talk about now its like “what’s for dinner, when’s that bill due? Etc”
I need advice?! I’m the planner/ organizer in our relationship so I unless I suggest “fun” things not a lot happens! And I’ll admit it I’m to blame myself as I’m always tired too, and it’s easier lay on the sofa and watch TV!! What do you do to have actually quality time with your FI? Especially interesting to hear from Bee’s in shift work relationships!
Post # 3
First of all it is not something that you should necessarily dramatise. Things like that happen all the time and when work gets in the middle, it is not always easy. We grow up, we have things to do, we will not always be 20 with as much free time as we would like.
That been said, don’t be afraid to talk to him about it. You can go for a trip if you can make 2 days for yourselves. If that isn’t easy spend the time you have doing what you really like. Do you like going to the movies? Do that if you have a couple of hours to spare. Do you like listening to music together? Don’t miss any chance for doing so. Try eating together when you can.
Unfortunatelly when you grow up and have a job that keeps you busy, there will never be the ”absolute right time” for something. A time when you will both have a lot of free time, easy schedules, or a time when you will both be in a good mood at the same time etc. So my advice is simple, you don’t need to let it eat you or cause any more trouble. When you have a chance to do something fun with him grab it. 🙂
Post # 4
@Bettyboo1982: FI and I are soooo boooorrrrrring!!!
We were going to for v-day, but the snow has been unbearable so we’re waiting til next month to go to a nice dinner and a hotel for the night (complete with hot tub) just for a change of scenery.
Post # 5
@Bettyboo1982: We have to schedule our fun in advance. I work the night shift, typically on weekends, in the ER, and my SO has odd hours working in upper management. I was having some serious depression issues with not feeling like our relationship was fun anymore and that we are boring, there’s no spark, etc. I talked with a psychiatrist about it actually and here’s what she recommended
Every 2 weeks, we look at our calendars, and figure out what WE are going to do together specifically. Even if we don’t want to do what we have planned, we have to go do SOMETHING. It really works.
A few elderly patients have told me the following advice: you have to work at your relationship every day. The one day you don’t work on your relationship, is the one day you’ll have to make up. After the honeymoon period, every relationship is work. You have to work at it to make it work.
So rub his back in the morning, buy him his favorite drink at the grocery store, etc; it adds up to domesticated bliss 🙂 lol.
I hope this helps! What you’re going through is normal 🙂
Post # 6
@Bettyboo1982: P.S. I am the scheduler in our relationship as well. I am 29, he 31. Our fun things, I have to schedule to be done OUTSIDE of the house otherwise we end up just watching tv together, getting on our laptops, and passing out asleep. We go on short vacations every 2 months, which helps spice things up too. Even if it’s a cheap hotel room in a city an hour away, it works 😉
Post # 7
We play silly drawing games, cards, board games, video games (we still play mario kart on the wii), and sometimes cook dinner together.
Recently, we’ve taken to gardening together. He also helped me paint my terra cotta pots.
…It’s not a lot, but there are times we just have to forget the T.V/ computer and spend time with each other. We really do enjoy watching new shows together though. Recently we’ve been watching The Following and True Detective. The next day we’ll conspire together about what the last episode meant.
We go over the budget together once a week and the bills. On Saturday’s we always go grocery shopping together too after we’ve come up with a menu for the week. Sometimes we’ll take a walk around our block with our pup or go to the park. Other times we visit family in a nearby town.
It’s not a lot, but it works for us! Sometimes I have to think outside of our box and go to the google for suggestions!
Post # 8
@Bettyboo1982: I am a planner like you also. I love to look forward to things so if I begin to feel bored I will plan something and begin to get excited about it. It can be something as small as we are going to grill fajitas and make good margaritas or it can be a weekend trip or a concert or something like that. Luckily my FI is not opposed to my constant planning. I really feel my mood change whenever I have something whether it is big or small to look forward to and break up the monotony.
Post # 9
@Bettyboo1982: Tagging into this one…life sometimes gets a little monotone.
We also try to sneak in time together whenever we can; grocery shopping together, running errands, occasional hikes, walking the dog. All these things help add up to more quality time together.