- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’m having a bit of a crisis here, and I feel embarrassed that I am going to sound oh woe-is-me here. Is a quarter-life crisis a real thing? Or perhaps I’m just developing some baby blues? I am not sure.
I just turned 26 years old. Quite a few years ago I worked retail and owned my own home in a larger city when I was single. While I hated retail (loved my dept. though), I was the only female in a male-dominated dept, so I felt obligated to get involved. I tried to stay late at different work functions and even volunteered to help give talks at schools, a HUGE step for someone with anxiety issues. I still didn’t have any friends except my co-workers, but I felt a sense of fulfillment with my job. I got engaged in 2011, sold my house, and moved in with DH back to the town I grew up in (well, 15 minutes from it), a town with no Wal-mart, no big-chain restaurants, one choice for everything pretty much. A very small community of a few thousand people. I graduated with a class of 9 kids. You get the idea.
DH is 29 and a teacher. While he doesn’t volunteer in the community, I feel like he knows so many people and is still very active and involved. Unlike me, he is VERY outgoing and can hold a conversation with anyone. He is active in the school, is a part of a few choral organizations around the state, and pretty much eats, sleeps, and breathes his music program. He has done great to network with people around the state when he goes to music festivals and competitions. We really can’t go anywhere without him seeing at least one person he knows. If I ask him to name friends he can give me a whole list of people he talks to on a daily or weekly basis. When it comes to me? I can name one friend I have. That’s it.
So my whole “quarter-life crisis” thing got started when DH’s friend had a pic of himself on FB from a newspaper. He had an article written about him. He’s 29, has a great job, wife, two kids, and he’s active in so many different things. It was amazing to see how much he’s involved in and accomplished, and he’s only 29! How does someone with two kids, a wife, a full time job, and lots of friends do it all? And it really got me thinking…
…what do I have to show for myself at 26?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m happily married and have a wonderful 3 1/2 month old baby boy and super-cute Saint Bernard, and I work full-time and am very respected at my job by my co-workers. But that’s it. My life right now is very “wash, rinse, repeat.” I get up at 6:30a every morning, put DS in his Bumbo while I shower and get ready, carry him around while get my breakfast together, leave for work, sit in front of a computer all day, come home, make and eat supper, get DS put to bed, exercise, and maybe have time to tool around on the computer a bit or watch a movie, then go to bed. And I get up the next morning and do it all over again. On weekends we may visit my parents, go fishing, or drive to the nearest large city (which is almost 75 miles away) to buy groceries and indulge in some frozen yogurt, a luxury I don’t even have access to where I am, but even all that seems routine.
I’d like to get involved, but I don’t know how. I get overwhelmed when I get too busy (part of my anxiety which I have gotten help for), but I’d like to try. Also, this community is very cliquey and always has been since I was little. Once they find their group they are very wary of letting anyone else in. I think I’d be somewhat ok on since I grew up in this area and know people from my job, but it still scares me. We don’t have a community of the arts council or any clubs. Lots of people sell stuff and have those house parties, but I am not interested in the products themselves (lots of candles and jewelry), selling products and holding open houses. The only two things I can think of would be to get myself into a Zumba class in the next town over and maybe volunteer to serve on the music board for school (I’m not sure if I can being I am the music teacher’s wife though, but it would be in my best interest to get involved in the music community somehow).
And DH doesn’t truly understand. He thinks just being the amazing mom I am is what matters, and while I am happy he thinks I’m a great mom (and, to my credit, I feel like I do a great job-sorry to humblebrag), it isn’t all that matters. I feel like I can be a good mom AND be involved in something, have friends, etc. If I were to die tomorrow my “survived by” list would be longer than my “accomplished” list. I have nothing else to my name except my work history and my family, and while both are important I’d like to feel important to my community or friends or add a little more to my name. DH thinks I am going to be way more involved and busier once DS starts school, but that’s in 5 years. I want to start now and establish myself. I’ve been back in this town for 3 years and nothing to show for it.
Where do I start? How do I attempt to open myself up? Can I become involved in things that are outside of my community like, maybe other organizations? Hopefully some of you can help give me some ideas and some words of encouragement. Thanks Bees!