Post # 1
For engaged/married bees: Did you find that other family members’ proposals caused your significant other to delay? I ask because I found out tonight that my boyfriend’s younger brother is proposing to his girlfriend imminently and I wonder what, if any, effect that could have. I recognize how self-centered it is to think of myself after hearing about another couple’s engagement, so let me add that I want his brother and his brother’s girlfriend to get as much time in the sun as possible– hence my question. Did anyone else find that their boyfriend waited so as not to step on anyone’s toes? Or do men just not think about that sort of thing?
Post # 3
To be honest, it is my belief that it will probably cause a delay. My FI waited 6 months after his brothers proposal before he felt it would be okay and he had to time it just right as to not interfere with their wedding plans as well. Now I will add that we were not together long at all when we got engaged. As unfortunate as it may be, he could possibly wish to wait until after they are married. :/ How long have you been together? Has engagement been a discussion between you too? Has any timeline been established?
Post # 4
@mmm31911, that’s what I was thinking as well. We’ve been together a year and a half and we’ve discussed engagement. A little hazier on the timeline because I’m not entirely sure where I stand on the issue. I’m in law school right now and I don’t know if I’ll feel like getting married immediately after graduation (two years) or if I’ll be comfortable simply being engaged when I graduate. This haziness is why I’m thinking about the stepping-on-toes issue: I assume my boyfriend will want to wait several months after the proposal, my worry is that he’ll also feel like he should wait until after their wedding, which will be next summer at the earliest. Did you feel like your boyfriend waited until an appropriate amount of time had passed after his brother’s proposal, or did he wait until after their wedding?
Post # 5
Honestly it probably will.. I just found out my SO’s best friend’s wife is preggers.. and I know he will wait until the hype dies down from them as to “not steal their thunder”.. so Im sure now it wont be until Summer.
Post # 6
I’ll be honest, I do not think he waited long enough. He proposed 6 months after their engagement and about 7 months before their wedding and I have never had to deal with so much drama in my life. I would suggest waiting until after their wedding to become engaged, since you are in law school and appear to have no big rush to get married. You could just go with a shorter engagement when the time comes if you choose. I say this just because my planning expierience has not been as fun and exciting as I thought with people all over my back about interfering with their spotlight time. Depending on who you are dealing with, you could end up having a less stressful and more enjoyable engagement period. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best! & I look forward to hearing your engagement story on here when the time comes! 🙂
Post # 7
When my FI and I started talking about getting engaged, he originally planned for the end of 2008. Naturally I was excited, and mentioned it to my sis. Not but a week later, she asked ME to ask my FI to wait, because she knew her man was gonna propose and she didn’t want us “stealing her thunder.” UGH.
Water under the bridge at this point, but my FI ended up waiting 10 months before he asked me! Worked out well and good, as far as I’m concerned, because I’m still with the man I love and planning a wedding that will rock socks!
EDIT: Oops, I hadn’t read your comment. If you guys are open to talking about it in general, then just mention your concerns and let him make the ultimate decision. So, no… I don’t think you are being self-centered, in fact, I think you are being extremely considerate in your thinking!
Post # 8
My fiancee and I were in a very similar situation in that he and I have been dating for 3 years when he was ready to pop the question. His younger brother started to obsess with his new girlfriend and proposed to her less than a year after meeting. Nothing is wrong with the timeline of proposal, just no one liked the new girlfriend so it def. ruffled some feathers.
My deflated fiancee told me that he had wanted to propose around the same time (his younger brother didn’t show him any courtesy by telling my fiancee that he was going to propose), but now was going to have to wait till AFTER their wedding to propose so to not steal their thunder.
I get along famously with his family, so there would have been some very stark differences in how they treated us vs how they treated them. My then-boyfriend decided it would be best to take the high road and propose until we were both ready, and not because his brother ‘beat us to the punch’. I’m really glad we waited (coincidentally 4 months after his brothers wedding) until we were free and clear of their gloomy wedding, and get to make decisions based on our wants and needs and keep our compeititive nature at bay.
I did end up waiting about a year and a few months, but it was worth it. He totally caught me by surprise.
Post # 9
Thanks to everyone for your input! So it looks like long story short, I am going to be waiting for longer than expected…not great news, but helpful to know.