Post # 1
My boyfriend of 5 months and I are invited to a wedding. We know both the bride and the groom. He has known the bride and groom longer, but I became good friends with the bridge this past year. My boyfriend said we can just get separate cards and separate gifts/checks for the couple to be married. I think this is strange–my boyfriend is almost too logical to a fault at times (and he’s clueless about it until someone explains to him why) and this is it coming out in situations like these.
I tried to explain to him that since we are on the same invite as a couple in a relationship, couldn’t we at least get one card, sign it as a couple and send two gifts separately? Or go half and half on a check?
He doesn’t seem to get it and cites, “getting separate checks is the most logical way.” I think it would come across as us going as two separate invites and kind of strange…but that’s just me. Recommendations/thoughts are welcome. Thanks!
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by cpmunoz. Reason: better explanation
Post # 2
If you were invited together it makes sense to give one card, but I don’t think anyone is going to care either way really.
Post # 3
Maybe this is totally off base, but if you’re not engaged (and 5 mos isn’t a lengthy period), maybe he thinks that one card/gift presents you as more of an couple than he thinks you are at this point?
Post # 4
Either way works.
If you were married it might be odd to give separate gifts/cards/checks, but it doesn’t matter otherwise.
Post # 5
One invitation, one card, one gift is what I would do, Actually, if you would not have been invited without him, in my mind the gift would be his full responsibility. But since you have also gotten to know the bride, it’s really your call.
Post # 6
either way works but its odd to me you guys wouldnt do a joint gift as you are in a relationship together.
Post # 7
….in what world is giving separate cards logical? They invited you on one invitation – one stamp, one invite. You therefore give one gift with one card cost. Don’t you think it would weird out the couple if they invited a couple together but then they gave separeate cards and gifts? I would immediately wonder if they had broken up after being invited together.
Post # 8
cpmunoz: Your boyfriend’s “logic” is plain wrong. You were invited as a couple so the natural thing is a shared card and gift. (There’s nothing wrong with separate gifts, but a shared gift is usually more practical to do).
We had a dating couple at our wedding like this (i.e. we knew them both and would’ve invited them both anyway if they weren’t dating), and they gave a gift together.
Post # 9
cpmunoz: if they’ve invited you as a couple, it makes far more sense to give the card/gift together. Id find it strange receiving separate cards/gifts from a couple id invited together!
Post # 10
I agree with PP about 5 months not being that long of a time and maybe what his logical brain is thinking…..
HOWEVER from the brides point of view I would have to write two freaking thankyou notes along with the other 90 or so I have to write. just give one card both signatures and one check. I’m sure the bride/groom would appreciate it.
Post # 11
Yeah, I don’t think it’s “logical” at all. I think that he sees giving a joint card/gift shows a bigger stepping-stone of commitment than he may be ready for. Mostly because of how adamant he is about it, even after you’ve explained it to him.
DH and I dealt with this sort of thing awkwardly at one point, as well. He didn’t put my name on a birthday gift to his nephew, whereas we both attended the party. I was not that offended in the least, but had I known I would have gotten my own card separately. I guess we both just sort of assumed. Once I mentioned to him that I though it was more “logical” (because it is) to go joint on a gift/card to anything together, he totally agreed and it was never an issue beyond that.
I would ask him directly… Like, “Hey, it’s totally fine if this is the case and I may be reading in between the lines too much, but I’m just asking so that we are both on the same page…”
At five months in, this is something you should be able to openly discuss.
Post # 12
fascinated: Yes, I agree, it’s been 5 months official, but unofficially it’s been a little over 8.
Post # 13
fascinated: Yes, I agree, it’s been 5 months official, but unofficially it’s been a little over 8. The label was just added 5 months ago, but we haven’t seen anyone else since last October. I talked to him and he says, “if it’s important to you, let’s get one gift/one card.”
I’m his first gf. Now I’m getting why–I knew he was more socially awkard in the past, but I see the residual effects of that now. I talked to him briefly, and he’s not agreeing to get one gift/one card.
Post # 14
I couldn’t delete the post above–it had a crucial typo–“NOW” is correct. We’re good. He agreed.
I’m his first gf. Now I’m getting why–I knew he was more socially awkard in the past, but I see the residual effects of that now. I talked to him briefly, and he is **NOW** agreeing to get one gift/one card.
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Post # 15
Well, if you think about it, wedding’s are not about logical–it’s about the love and about relationships. He told me he does not like etiquette because he doesn’t understand it…*facepalm**