Question about attending a wedding as a dating couple

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
6963 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you were invited together it makes sense to give one card, but I don’t think anyone is going to care either way really.

Post # 3
1589 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe this is totally off base, but if you’re not engaged (and 5 mos isn’t a lengthy period), maybe he thinks that one card/gift presents you as more of an couple than he thinks you are at this point? 

Post # 4
1715 posts
Bumble bee

Either way works.

If you were married it might be odd to give separate gifts/cards/checks, but it doesn’t matter otherwise. 

Post # 5
6674 posts
Bee Keeper

One invitation, one card, one gift is what I would do, Actually, if you would not have been invited without him, in my mind  the gift would be his full responsibility.  But since you have also gotten to know the bride, it’s really your call. 

Post # 6
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

either way works but its odd to me you guys wouldnt do a joint gift as you are in a relationship together.

Post # 7
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

….in what world is giving separate cards logical? They invited you on one invitation – one stamp, one invite. You therefore give one gift with one card cost. Don’t you think it would weird out the couple if they invited a couple together but then they gave separeate cards and gifts? I would immediately wonder if they had broken up after being invited together. 

Post # 8
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cpmunoz:  Your boyfriend’s “logic” is plain wrong. You were invited as a couple so the natural thing is a shared card and gift. (There’s nothing wrong with separate gifts, but a shared gift is usually more practical to do).

We had a dating couple at our wedding like this (i.e. we knew them both and would’ve invited them both anyway if they weren’t dating), and they gave a gift together.

Post # 9
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

cpmunoz:  if they’ve invited you as a couple, it makes far more sense to give the card/gift together. Id find it strange receiving separate cards/gifts from a couple id invited together! 

Post # 10
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with PP about 5 months not being that long of a time and maybe what his logical brain is thinking…..

HOWEVER from the brides point of view I would have to write two freaking thankyou notes along with the other 90 or so I have to write.  just give one card both signatures and one check. I’m sure the bride/groom would appreciate it. 

Post # 11
332 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, I don’t think it’s “logical” at all. I think that he sees giving a joint card/gift shows a bigger stepping-stone of commitment than he may be ready for. Mostly because of how adamant he is about it, even after you’ve explained it to him.

DH and I dealt with this sort of thing awkwardly at one point, as well. He didn’t put my name on a birthday gift to his nephew, whereas we both attended the party. I was not that offended in the least, but had I known I would have gotten my own card separately. I guess we both just sort of assumed. Once I mentioned to him that I though it was more “logical” (because it is) to go joint on a gift/card to anything together, he totally agreed and it was never an issue beyond that.

I would ask him directly… Like, “Hey, it’s totally fine if this is the case and I may be reading in between the lines too much, but I’m just asking so that we are both on the same page…”

At five months in, this is something you should be able to openly discuss.

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