Post # 1
Whenever we go out with DH’s parents they pay for our dinner. We don’t ask them to, but they always have and they always offer. We of course always offer to pay for our half, the tip, our drinks, anything – but they always pay the whole bill.
When we go out with my parents, it’s completely different. There have been a few uncomfortable situations of bill splitting and money counting and trying to figure out who knows what. DH & I get really irritated with this, whether it be with our friends or family (we like going out with our friends who just split the bill 50/50 or pay the tip if they spent a little more, etc.). Anyway, a nice dinner can sometimes be ruined by trying to figure out bill splitting at the end.
Needless to say, my parents rarely pay for our dinner if we go out with them (which is not often). I don’t expect them to. My Dad would like DH & I to join them to celebrate my Mom’s birthday tonight, which sounds good to me. DH’s first question was (since my Dad invited us) – “Does that mean he’s buying?”
I’m not sure how to feel about this situation. On the one hand, I don’t expect my parents to pay for our food (we both work full-time and are settled and definitely have the means to pay ourselves), but because DH’s parents ALWAYS pay it creates a weirder situation with DH and my parents. On the other hand, my Dad did invite US out to dinner with THEM – so does this mean he should pay?
So two questions:
1. How does it usually work in your family if you go out to dinner with your parents (or other close family members)?
2. Should I even slightly expect my Dad to pay tonight since he invited us out?
Post # 3
(1) It’s about 50/50 whether we treat or either set of parents treat. We always offer to treat, and often get shot down.
(2) I don’t think you should ever go somewhere expecting that someone will treat you; it’s a nice surprise if they do, but you shouldn’t get upset if they don’t.
Post # 4
We only go out with my Mom and she always pays. We offer to split the bill but she doesn’t let us.
Post # 5
1. It varies
2. If you know that trying to split the bill is going to be awkward, why don’t you ask for seperate checks when you get there? Then you guys pay your bill, your parents pay theirs?
Post # 6
We always pay for ourselves. Typically, we ask for a separate check to avoid the nickel and diming when he bill comes.
I don’t thnk you should expect your dad to pay at all. there are plenty of times that we invite friends out to dinner for birthdays etc, but we all pay for ourselves.
In my opinion, you should put a stop to his parents always paying. Occasionally is fine, but all the time?
Post # 7
My parents (or grandparents, aunts, whatever) usually pay for us and so do my husband’s. The exception would be when we make a point to treat our parents or other relatives for a special occasion like a birthday, Mother’s Day, etc. or as a thank-you for something. This is the norm in our family. If this is not the norm in your family, then no, I would not expect your dad to pay. I don’t think in general that an invitation to go out to dinner means the other person is paying.
I understand how you feel though with splitting up the check based on what someone ordered. My husband is super uncomfortable with this and finds it embarrassing.
Post # 8
Right now, both my in-laws and my parents foot the bill when they invite us out to dinner. It’s incredibly generous of them.
Post # 9
Unless we’re taking them out for whatever reason (birthdays, mothers/fathers day, etc), the parents always pay. Sometimes we play that whole reach for the wallet game but we’re quickly dismissed and told to put our money away.
Post # 10
My FI’s parents always pay-even when we have taken them out for father’s day or something sometimes they just refuse to let us. So we usually have them over now when it’s a celebration for them.
My parents will allow us, but usually they pay. We don’t live near them so we don’t go out with them nearly as much though.
Post # 11
@futureMrsCPT: We could ask for separate checks, but I think the awkwardness comes from DH. He thinks my Dad should pay, since he invited us, and he has been annoyed on more than one occasion (birthdays for example) where he didn’t pay and my DH thought he should have. I guess I feel more embarrassed around my DH because his parents always pay – I honestly could care less if my parents don’t pay because I don’t expect them to at all. So if we asked for separate checks from the get-go, I feel like my DH would be annoyed since we didn’t even give my Dad a chance to offer, you know? Haha. It’s silly.
Post # 12
Both of our sets of parents almost always treat. My SO’s older sister has started contributing for her family (4 total) when we go out as a big family, but the FIL dont care if we do or not.
I will say when we went out with both sets of parents, my Mom asked me if we were treating since it was our idea. I joked that if that was the case we would have been at McDonalds. So the two sets of parents just split the check down the middle
Post # 13
1. When we go out to eat with my parents, we almost always pay the entire bill. They usually argue for awhile about it, but I would say we’ve paid 9 out of the last 10 times we’ve gone out together. When we go out with my MIL (FIL is not in the picture), we take turns paying. My husband and I make more money than my parents and his mom, so it just doesn’t feel right to expect them to pay. I usually would rather avoid any awkwardness and just grab the bill and take care of it myself, but I also really haaaate any awkward moments involving money.
2. If I were you, I think I’d go to this dinner being ready to pay for your own…then if your dad decides to treat you, it will be a nice surprise…and if he doesn’t, you won’t have any hard feelings 🙂
Post # 14
Neither of our parents treat, we treat them if anything. When we are not treating, we just ask for separate bills to avoid any confusion.
Post # 15
I think this depends on each person’s family dynamics. My co worker actually complains about how when her younger sister goes out with their parents the parents always pay. She believes the “child” should pay for the parents once they are working. Where as in my family my parents always pay for me and DH. Unless it is their birthday and DH and I are treating them to a special birthday dinner. If it’s not a birthday my parents actually get really upset if we pay.
Post # 16
My parents don’t have a lot of money, but FI’s parents almost always pay the bill. We do sometimes pick up the entire check, but usually his dad is quick & sneaky 🙂
My dad will always always pay for me when he & I go out, and he has paid for FI as well, but we don’t go out to dinner with him & my step-mom often, usually it’s just meeting up for a drink.
My mom and step dad rarely go out to dinner with us, and when they do, they never pay. Which is fine, since I know they don’t really have the money.