Post # 1
I’m a novice at this thing….okay, so my venue can hold a max of 160 guests…we are having a hard time cutting our lsit down to fit this number. Is it true we can invite 10% more than the venue will hold because people won’t make it?
My only concern is my Fiance’ is very..well, popular…and his family huge and from Samoa and they aren’t exactly the best when it comes to our american social ettiquite and I can totally see them bringing people and kids who werent invited, even if we make it clear up front (which I will try to do)….
What do you think?
The rest of my guestlist is our firends and family…the usual suspects, some of which may not be able to make it but not sure exaclty how many until RSVPS.
I do have my list broken down into A & B….but the problem is I am getting married July 20th in mexico and I will be gone for 3 weeks. My reception is August 20th…..so with me being gone it might be tricky for me to deal with the RSVP cards until I get back the last week in July.
Post # 3
The proper thing to do is to plan for 100% attendance. That means if the venue only fits 160, you invite only 160. However, some even allow some buffer incase someone gets a boyfriend/girlfriend between now and then (you keep social units together).
To be on the safe side, it’s best to not guess at how many no shows there will be. I have seen weddings where there was 100% attendance!
Also, it’s not good etiquette to have an A list and a B list. It shows that they weren’t important enough to make the first list (although it makes sense to fill you venue, it’s considered impolite).
So you could find a bigger venue.
You could just invite the core people (and if they don’t know American wedding etiquette and bring their 5 nephews anyway then you have room to wiggle).
Post # 4
@sienna76: Well, I certainly haven’t told people if they are on the “b” list …I’d like to invite everyone I know and love, but I have to be realistic. I don’t see how that’s bad ettiquite, but thanks anyway.
Post # 5
I’ve never heard of it being okay or recommended to invite more than what the venue can hold. I’d say you should be even more careful if there are people in the group that are prone to bringing extra guests that you may not be expecting. You could easily end up with too many people and not enough space, or violate a fire code. Sometimes venues overestimate how many people they can hold… we had that problem with the first place we booked. They told us a capacity number and we physically walked through and took measurements several times, but ultimately the numbers just didn’t add up. So double check that you actually can fit that many people!!! And there are threads on here about high yes RSVP rates. One recently said she got a 97% yes rate.
I agree with the A list/B list warning. People talk… if any of your guests know each other, they’ll find out from each other or on facebook or somewhere else that they got a second round invite and it could cause some drama. Personally I don’t think it’s worth the stress of having people get up in your face just weeks before the wedding over why they weren’t invited or sent STDs earlier like everyone else, but that’s just me. I want as little drama as possible!
Post # 6
I think I’ll stick to just the max capacity. And when I say b list…I mean old co-workers, Highschool friends, people I almost never see or come into contact with…but who I would love to reach out to if I had room for them. But I don’t want to deal with the hassle of sending out a second round of invites…who has time for that.
Post # 7
Be careful to address it to Mr and Mr john Smith. If you address it to the Smith family, they may bring 10 people. Do have response cards and fill in the name of those specifically invited. Where it says # of guests, then write 2 if it’s two or 4 if it’s 4 along with the specific name(s). If you leave it blank, then people may feel they have the right to invite others.
Post # 8
We invited over our venue capacity, but we knew ahead of time that some of the ones were already not able to come (they’re family and they told us in person) so we accounted for those and our out of towners who can’t travel and told us so, plus my wedding is on a holiday weekend, and many of our friends and family already have plans. Overall though, we’re not much over and I know it will work out because either way we’re not over firecode.
So unless your positive on certain ones not coming, I would go over, it would be very stressful if they all said yes or even most. Good luck.