question about holiday cards

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What do you think?
    you're overreacting - this is all pretty standard : (11 votes)
    31 %
    it's a little unconventional to include a daughter-in-law's name in the family Xmas card : (6 votes)
    17 %
    married children's names shouldn't be included in family Xmas card signatures : (10 votes)
    28 %
    wedding photo cards should only be sent by newlywed couples : (9 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I received a card like this from a family member right after their child’s wedding. I didn’t bat an eye. I also got a card from the married couple. I can understand your concerns, but I think its nice they want to include you. I’m not sure I would make a big deal out of it if I were you, but it depends on your relationship with your in-laws. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  littleanchor.
    Post # 3
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee

    To me part of the role mariage plas in our society is that a married couple is now their own family unit. I would not want to have my inlaws to include my name on the card. I think it would be aceptable for your in laws to use your wedding picture becase it is something maor that happened in their lives this year and a lot of people use Christmas cards to update more distant family and friends, but I do not think your name, nor your husband’s name should be included, especially ifyou plan on sending your own cards.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2791 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

    This is strange to me. I hope that the photo they want to use is at least a photo of you with them. I wouldn’t really care to let them do that…. but I don’t think it’s worth getting in a fight over either. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    6644 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Meh you are overreacting a tad, my inlaws sends out a family Christmas card with their children/wives and grandchildren on it.  So I see nothing wrong with it.  That is just how they send out a card each year

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2002 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    mrsgroomzilla:  I think it’s all fine. You can have your holiday card with your DH as your own new little family, but you are still members if your parents and inlaws families and if they want to include you in the family list of names at the bottom of their card why not? If they don’t no problem, it’s each of their individual choice. Especially if they have other children they might not want to kick you or their son out of the family card just because you got married. It’s obviously not taking the place of your own card and you and DH are still a part of those immediate families.

    Using the wedding photos on the holiday card after the wedding is something I did, both our parents did, and both my grandparents did as well. I thought it was great they liked the photos enough to use on their cards. My inlaws used a pic of them with DH and I and SIL. My parents did the same with DH, I, and my sister. And my grandparents used the photo of everyone from their side of the family for theirs. It was probably the biggest event in all their lives that year and they want to further celebrate it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you are over-reacting a tad and agree with what @Sassygrn said.  You and your husband are now your own family and can send out your own card, but you also joined their family and they want to celebrate that.  My parents write a letter with their card and each person in our family has a couple sentences about their year.  My husband and I share a couple sentences in my parent’s card and we send out our own card, even to some of the same family and friends.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1424 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think the wedding picture on the card makes sense but if the card is going to look like it jointly came from you and Hubby as well I would say no to that.  Seems easy enough to tell her to go ahead and include pictures from the wedding on her card but you and hubby are also sending your own so her cards shouldn’t appear to come from you as well. And I would coordinate not to use the same picture.

    Post # 10
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I never would’ve thought twice about that.  I have 3 younger brothers, and both me and my oldest younger brother got married in 2012.  My parents card that year included 3 pictures – a family photo at my wedding, a family photo at my brothers wedding, and a picture of my 2 other brothers at youngest bro’s high school grad party.  The names on the card were listed like this:

    [Dad’s first name] and [Mom’s first name] [Last name]

    Kayla and [DH first name] [our last name]

    [Brother 1 first name] and [SIL first name]

    [Brother 2 first name], [Brother 3 first name]

    Post # 11
    Member
    2002 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    mrsgroomzilla:  “I still feel a little funny about being included in another family’s card” They’re your family now too; you are their new daughter-in-law. It’s weird at first to think of it that way but it’s true and you’ll warm up to embracing them as your family now too and not just DH’s family. – “I’m not an object that gets passed around from one family to the next”  No, you are spreading yourself farther as a member of 3 families: your original family, your DH’s family, and your new little family with DH. Think of it as multiplying the love, not dividing or subtracting it from one family to the next. You belong to all three families now, both you and DH! 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I feel like this depends a ton on your family dynamics.  I can think of families that I know that this wouldn’t seem weird at all.  I can also think of some where it would be clear that the MIL’s motives were less than ideal.  Is she extremely resistant to you and your husband being a family unit yourselves?  Does she have a problem with being “excluded” from things that the two of you try to do just you?  If so, I would strongly consider telling her you were planning to send a wedding photo and that you’re more than happy to send one to any people in particular that she’d like to get one.   And maybe offer an alternate photo – one of her and her husband at the wedding? If you don’t think that dynamic is present, I would assume she’s just really excited and probably let her.

    Post # 13
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If it’s just a photo of the two of you, I think that’s a little weird. If it’s one of the family shots that shows all the people named on the card, then I think that’s pretty normal. I know my mom is planning on sending our “family” shot that includes DH. I have no idea what she’s going to put for the names–I’m curious now!

    We’re sending our own holiday cards, using a different picture, of course. I definitely think you should send a nice portrait of yourselves with a card–don’t change your plans!

    Post # 14
    Member
    10489 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I would find a photo card from your wedding to be a little odd, if it was a collage of pictures and that one was included it would seem more typical.  Signing your name to them also seems off, unless you were living together.

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