Post # 1
This is a weird question but Im having so much anxiety about it and hoping to get some opinions.
Im a plus size bride and I am scared to death of being lifted in the chairs. I’m freaking out that maybe they won’t be able to lift me or they’ll drop me. I havent gone up in the chair since my bat mizvah. And I was a little girl back then. Are there any other plus size Jewish brides who have gone up in the chair? I’m wondering if we should try to just not do chairs at all (but I don’t even know how we’d prevent it…for anyone who has ever done a hora, you know that the chairs just get put down, and you get put in the chair, whether you want to or not). I am truly freaking out about this and not sure what to do 🙁 It’s probably the most stressful part of the wedding at this point. Any insight would be appreciated. :-/
Post # 3
I would die if someone did that to me and I am not a plus size! So sorry! I hope you can divert the chair thing!
Post # 4
Aww, honey! That sounds stressful. How many people usually hold up each chair? (I’m not Jewish)
All I’m thinking is that you can’t possibly be the heaviest person ever to be a part of this tradition, right?
Post # 5
Thanks so much for your replies. I think the amount of people that usually grab the chair depends. I am scared that not enough people will grab it. Like it could be 4 or 6 or I’ve even seen 8. I am trying to think about all the men who go up. We have a lot of family friends (men) that are very tall and definitely getting a belly in their old age. And we’ve seen them go up at weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc. But its so stressful because I don’t know how much they weigh. Maybe they look heavy but theyre not. Ugh 🙁 and I kind of feel like if we don’t do the chairs, people we say “oh, well that was a strange hora…no chairs, no tradition. weird”. Ugh….I hate that this is what is keeping me up at night.
Post # 6
Aww I am so sorry you are thinking about this.
Can you talk to your father, or another male relative you are close to. Maybe they can arrange it ahead of time with some people so you have confidence that there will be enough people. I promise no one will drop you though!
Post # 7
Ohmygosh I am having the same worry! My family isn’t really very regligious but like you I know that the hora is going to happen. I’m also plus size and I’m kind of just making peace with it. Every time I start to get worried I take a deep breath and think that worst case scenario is they only lift for a few moments because I’m too heavy, and considering I’m not all that confident in their lifting skills I’m okay with that. Just plan to laugh off anything that happens during the hora and go with it.
That said, there is one (and probably only one) foolproof way to make it not happen- tell you DJ that under no circumstances should he play the hora. Tell him to tell guests who ask that “the couple put it on their do-not-play list so I didn’t bring it.”
Our DJ said that by saying he didn’t bring it people won’t come up to you and try to badger you into changing your mind. If anyone asks why just say you were really uncomfortable with the idea or have a severe fear of heights and the anxiety of thinking about it was too much.
I hope we can both let the worry roll off our backs and enjoy the moment, even if it turns out to be silly and ridiculous and possibly full of blunders. And you’re right- big men always get lifted, so they’ll be able to lift us ample ladies!
Here are some photos of beefy men being lifted:
Post # 8
I was very nervous about this for my bat mitzvah, and I actually did not enjoy the experience and opted out of it for our wedding. In any case, I weighed about 175 at my bat miztvah and I was easily lifted by about 4 guys. One of whom got mildly kicked in the face. Oops.
My parents were bummed we didn’t do it for the wedding, but I was clear and firm about it. Instead we did a fun circle dance to That’s Amore. It was funny, actually. The DJ announced for people to get in a circle and I guarantee all the Jewish guests assumed it would be the hora so they ran to the dance floor. Surprise!
If it’s something you think would actually be fun, keep in mind most adult men can lift at least 50-75 pounds with relative ease, and having 6-8 of them lifting your chair means you’ll be in the air with no problem. No need to stress out about it if it’s something you want to do, it’s totally doable. If you don’t want to do it, tell your family you’re not doing it, and tell your DJ you’re not doing it, and don’t do it.
Post # 9
I went to a wedding with a plus size jewish and they just skipped it. I didn’t think about it until much later that it was missed.
Post # 10
You have a year and a half until your wedding, chances are you won’t be plus size anymore! I lost 35 lbs in 4 months for my wedding. We are having a civil ceremony so no hora. Just make it clear to your family that you won’ t be doing it at your wedding.
Post # 11
I totally sympathize! This is the only thing my fiance and I are disagreeing over!
I am not Jewish, he is. I am very tall, and, though not overweight for my height, I am heavy compared to the average woman; I am also a panicky person that hates being physically moved around by people, and I hate heights. I really, really do not want to do the chairs, like REALLY, REALLY. I’m having the same worries as you about people not being able to carry me etc, and I know I will freak out once I am up there. But my fiance is acting like it’s sort of funny and that I’m being silly because he thinks I will enjoy it once it happens. I absolutely know I won’t.
I want to put my foot down but I also feel like it’s a sensitive area because we aren’t from the same faith…
Post # 12
@Christine4RN: I don’t know what RhubarbPie’s plans are, but not every bride tries to lose weight before the wedding, you know…
@RhubarbPie: I would either do a practice run with the guys who would likely be the ones lifting you, or I just wouldn’t do it at all. I’m plus-sized too, but there’s no way in hell I’d be willing to be lifted up in a chair even if I were skinny! It looks so scary! Thankfully, there’s no chance this will happen to me, since I’m not Jewish lol.
Post # 13
@RhubarbPie: Here are tried and true helpful hints to make the hora a success if you decide to go ahead with one: Select your lifters and talk to them beforehand (or ask someone else to do the asking so the potential lifters feel like they can be honest). Get their agreement to help. I would line up eight per person being lifted. Six should do it, but sometimes people get busy or are in the bathroom, etc and I dont like leaving it to chance. If you have a sweet uncle, for example, who always runs up to lift, but is really no longer able- bodied, talk to him beforehand and let him know that you have some friends who really wanted the honor of lifting, so you had to agree to let them do it. (My husband is tall and often looked to by people at a reception to lift. He has a bad back and shouldnt do it, but feels like he should help. He would love it if someone told him beforehand he was off-duty.) Non-Jews will need someone to cue them when to go up to lift. Make absolutely sure there are two chairs WITH ARMS available for the hora. Assign a friend or your party planner the task of making sure they are in place before your wedding reception starts. When you are lifted, hold tight to the arms. I have seen people (light ones) slide out of a chair without arms, but I have never seen the chair dropped. The chair lifters only see the chair, not what the person is doing. Let everyone know you only want to be airborne a short while. I hope this helps. Mazel tov!
Post # 14
yikes!!! i am not jewish or plus size, but this would stress me out regardless!!! the thing is, lets say that you ARE the heaviest woman to ever be lifted during the hora (AND I AM SO SURE THAT IS INCREDIBLY FAR FROM THE TRUTH)–but i can guarantee that even then you are not even close to the weight of the heaviest man in the hora. try not to stress!! it will all happen fast & try to enjoy it!
Post # 15
I can totally sympathize with this!! However, FI’s brother recently got married and he is a bear of a man. Like, former-college-football-player bear of a man. Anyway, on top of having THE longest hora known to man kind, he was in the air just fine. Granted, there were about 8 people lifting him, and many of them also former college football players.. but if they could heft him around for 6 minutes (yes, seriously) I’m sure you will be just fine.
I think you got some good suggestions about pre-selecting and maybe even doing a dry run before to ease your fears. Or, if you so choose, skip it! It’s your wedding, your comfort should be considered before some guests’ disappointment stemming from no hora.
Post # 16
If you decide not to do it, just make sure that the people involved in your wedding know… at a friend of mine’s wedding she didn’t want to do it for the same reason (and even more for her husband who was very plus size, and tall too!) but some family members didn’t get the memo and tried to force it and my friend almost ended up in tears. What about lifting your parents instead? Celebrating the parents? Good luck, you totally DONT HAVE TO DO IT if you don’t want to 🙂