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I really thought about doing this, I mean my mom is a huge part of my life (maybe even more than my dad) and it just doesnt seem fair that dad gets all the glory! lol
I dont know, its so hard to decide because I want to be traditional and I always had the thought of my dad walking me down the isle, but my mom is like my best friend!
As far as your question goes, I think having your dad speak for both of them would be really cute, like when the officiant asks he can say "we do" or both of them can say it at the same time! That would be cute too!
I'll have both my parents walking me down the aisle but we won't be doing the whole giving away business. I'll be figuring out words that are more along the lines of both sets of parents giving their blessing and support instead of anyone being given away.
Hmmm, maybe I can do something like that meowkers. I should also add that mom and dad have been divorced for a long time and don't speak. I mean, they will be fine to walk me down together even though they don't like each other LOL (they will make nice for me on my wedding day)...but since they're not "together" I didn't know if that would still be ok for dad to say "her mother and I do", like he's speaking on behalf of them as a couple or something?
@honeybear: Wow, you sound just like me! In my previous post I talked about much my dad was NOT a part of my life. As soon as they got divorced, things just went all to hell. We still speak once every couple of months but things are strained. She's the one that's always been there for me, including financially, before I was out on my own.
It just seemed almost comical for my dad to give me away since he really has no idea what goes on in my life, ya know? I knew I had to have him do it though because things aren't bad enough between us for me to NOT ask him, but I still see it as something my mom should really be doing. I wasn't sure at first either, because of the whole "traditional" thing, but the more I thought about it, the more it just seemed right. Def. let me know what you decide to do!
Having both the parents walk you down the aisle is actually a Jewish tradition :) I would love to honor it, but my mom is actually the one who raised me and my step-dad didn't come into the equation until I was 18. I'm really looking forward to having my mom walk me down the aisle though, as it wouldn't feel right to have another male step in just for traditions sake.
Anyways, back to your question, I would have them both speak in unison. It seems really symbolic that they both are equally supporting you and both had an important role in raising you!
We are doing something similar to Meowkers. I always wanted both parents to walk me down (they are happily married and have raised me together so it made the most sense to me) but never wanted anything about being given away (they are there to stop me falling over, not because they own me). I am having a small part of the ceremony that acknowledges that a marriage is also about joining families, and asks the parents if they give us their blessing (and hopefully they say yes :))
I had both my parents walk me down the aisle (my relationship with my father is not a close one, and my mother and I are super close). We had my father answer for both of them "Her mother and I do," but if I were you, I'd have the officiant pose questions to both of them.
Something like this:
(turns to the father) "PapaHoneybun, will you give Honeybun and Mr.Honeybun your blessing, as they build their lives together and blah blah blah?" (Papa answers I will)
(turns to the mother) "MommaHoneybun, do you offer your support to Honeybun and Mr.Honeybun, and promise to help guide them through whatever life brings blah blah blah?) (Momma answers I do)
One thing: make sure you actually FIT down the aisle, all three of you. My father didn't show up at the rehearsal (argh!), so we didn't get a chance to practice how to actually walk down. On the day, it ended up being really awkward, and didn't look the best. Practice beforehand who will sort of edge up front, if you can't fit three side-by-side.
@jhphi: Great idea! I think I'll go with that - asking them separately.
And I had def. already thought about the 3 of us fitting down the aisle hehe. I'm not so sure it would be an easy feat at our current venue, but we are most likely changing venues and it would be much better there!
My gorgeous mom was in a stunning blue dress, so she was my something blue, walking me down the aisle! So sweet. :)
I plan on having both my parents walk me down the isle too. I originally wanted just my mom since we're much closer that Dad and I, but that would hurt my dad's feelings... so I'll have both.
I think I'll have both of them answer for the giving away part. Asking them separately may be a good idea...
But my real question is, do I have a bouquet then? Since I'll have one parent on each arm, I can't hold a bouquet of flowers! And if I don't get a bouquet, should my bridesmaids have bouquets?
@karii: LOL! I asked the same thing in the previous post I keep referring to. Everyone told me that you still carry it. Your mom can hold onto your arm instead of you holding onto hers, while you hold onto your dad's arm with your other arm...or vice versa (does that make sense? hehe) Will def. have to feel it out at the rehearsal!!
So my next question, then, is should I do it if my venue is small and the isle may be too small to fit 3 people down it? I don't know if 2 people can fit down it. I guess it depends on what the place will actualyl look like once it's set up. I'll have to see and talk to the owner of the place about that one.
I had my mom and dad walk me down the aisle - like you, mine are divorced and I'm closer with my mom. I wanted to share what we did, as it's a twist on the whole "who gives this woman" thing.
Instead of "giving" me away, we just walked down the aisle, I kissed them both and met up with my FI at the end of the aisle. The priest started the ceremony, and did the welcome. And then he called up both sets of parents (mine and FI's) and asked them all a few questions along the lines of "Do you promise to offer ktdid23 and FI love and support in their marriage?" etc etc and all parents answered "I do". After these questions, the mothers were invited up to light the family candles (so we could do a unity candle later in the ceremony).
I thought this was a better way for us to do it - my FI and I had lived together for almost 3 years before we got married and I thought it was a bit silly for my dad to give me away, seeing as that had been done long ago :-)
I still had a bouquet-- I just looped my arm through my mom's, and carried it on "her" side. For the stairs, I had to let go of someone so I could lift up the edge of my dress a little (afraid of tripping!), so I unlinked with my dad.
Looking back, yes it was a bit awkward walking down the aisle with us not fitting perfectly, but I wouldn't change it. It meant a LOT to my mom to be included like that, and was a really special moment for us, outside waiting to start the walk down the aisle.
Both my parents walked me down the aisle as well, we actually didn't say the whole "who gives this women to this man part" (personally I'm just not a fan of the wording) so I just kissed my mom & dad on the cheek while the music was still playing & they took their seat.
If you want to do the wording the question can still be asked "who gives this women to this man" and both your mom & dad can answer at the same time "we do." I've seen this done before as well :)
Both dads (natural and stepfather) walked my daughter down the aisle but she was against the whole "who gives this woman" stuff. Very very much against it - she's an independant gal and has been for years - she said "no one is GIVING me away". So when they got to the end of the aisle, they both gave her a hug and kiss and sat down.
I am still at a loss with this issue too. I actually do not at all want to be "given away" by my dad. Although I'm friendly with him, I am not attached to him emotionally (I have no idea if that makes sense to others, but its the easiest way to describe our relationship.) My mom however is very close with me - and believe it or not, they are still married. At the time we are married, they will have been married for 31 years.
I've considered having them walk down the aisle ahead of me, together, greeting my to-be at the altar and saying a few words, and then me coming down alone. Ijsut have no idea what to do.... without breaking my dad's heart.
I definitely second the bees saying "We Do" because that is a beautiful sentiment that they are there to support your marriage. Good luck and I absolutely love the idea!
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I posted a week or so ago about how I might ask my mom to walk me down the aisle along with my dad. Well I asked her today and she said yes, soooooooo now I'm just wondering for those of you who have done this or plan on doing it...when the officiant asks "Who gives this woman?...." or whatever, who spoke? Or did they both speak?
My mom actually asked me that and I was like ummm hadn't thought that far ahead...let me ask my bees!