Post # 1
We just got engaged in February, and already planning is driving me nutso. Big fancy weddings have never really been my thing, so we decided to have a small ceremony (especially since this will be a second marriage for both of us) for our families, and then a big party the next day to celebrate with friends (and family who would like to come) The party…easy peasy. We’ve got it all figured out.
The small ceremony…PROBLEMATIC! We can’t seem to agree on a place to hold it, who to invite, what we’re going to eat, etc etc. I thought I had it all figured out. We were going to hold it at a small winery here in our hometown. Small ceremony, small dinner, and cake, wah-lah. Well, df doesn’t like the menu that the winery offers, and thinks we should take everyone for dinner somewhere else after the ceremony. Well….with it being so small, with no dinner at the venue, the ceremony won’t take that long. So I’m thinking…why spend the money renting a venue when you’re only going to be there for 5 minutes. Gah. The courthouse elopement is looking better and better.
So today I was thinking….why not instead of stressing, spend the morning of with me and the women at the spa, he and the men out playing golf…..then early evening meet the officiant under a tree in the park, say our I do’s and then the entire group go out to dinner….relaxing…no stress, and fun.
My question is…If I did it this way…..what would etiquette be? Do we need to pay for everyone’s spa treatments/golf rounds and dinner/drinks? Or does the entire idea sound rediculous?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I would pay for dinner/drinks, but not the “pre-game” activities. Not everyone may want to spend the whole day with wedding “stuff,” or even like golf/spa, so you could be treating only half your guests to something special.
Post # 4
@rebwana: I agree. I think you definitely need to pay for dinner and drinks after, but you don’t have to pay for any morning activities.
Post # 5
Also agree with PPs. People will probably look at the morning activities as optional, so some may not meet up with you guys until the ceremony. But definitely think you should pay for/provide dinner and drinks, even if it’s just light appetizers and punch.
Ps…love the idea of getting married at sunset under a huge willow tree…that’s what I’m picturing from your description above. 🙂
Post # 6
Thank you…that’s kind of what I was thinking, but I certainly wouldn’t want anyone feeling weird about us not paying for everything.
Post # 7
Agreeing about paying for dinner/drinks.
And I’m all for no stress! We did similar, neither one of us wanted a big to do. (We’ve both been married before) so we picked a favorite restaurant (that happened to have a private room) and just had 8 people there including us. The use of the room was “free” if we spent X on the check, which wasn’t hard at all, and still was cheaper than had we rented a real venue. We did the whole thing in the same room. Everyone chatted and had drinks beforehand, then we all just gathered around while we did our super short ceremony and then moved right into ordering dinner. We brought in a small cake too. It was super relaxed and casual and well, perfect.
I say go for it!
Post # 8
I love your idea. I may steal it!
And I agree with the above – the morning-of stuff can be presented as optional. Whatever spa you use may have a group rate, too. Bring a pitcher of mimosas or something if that’s your thing, and if they allow it (my pedicure place encourages BYO!) and just relax with your friends. Great no-pressure way to do it, I think.
Post # 9
@madtowngirl….yes….the giant willow tree at sunset…that’s what I had pictured from the moment I said yes. 🙂 There is just something about it being small simple and intimate like that that just seems so romantic to me.
Thank you everyone for your comments….now if I can just get my wedding toole and meringue fevered best friend to not give me grief over wanting to do it this way…
Post # 10
@gertrude: Steal away! I love the idea of bringing mimosas to the spa! I didn’t even know there were places that allowed that!
Post # 11
@Crazyhair: Etiquette dictates that you pay for what you invite people to. So if you invited people to the spa, you should pay.
You could however, tell people that you will be going to the spa, and that they can contact AAAAAAA at 647-xxx-2341 to book in, then they would expect to pay for themselves.
There is no etiquette about what the formality level must be. Social units must still be invited together, guests must be properly hosted, watered, fed based on the formality level, timing of the event, etc.
What you are planning could be very lovely!
Post # 12
@andielovesj: Thank you, that makes perfect sense. This plan sounds good, but I think I need to figure out the in’s an out’s of just showing up at a park to do a short ceremony….ugh, wedding planning is not my forte.