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I read that you should never put where you are registered on an invitation and that it's rude. That you should just count on people *spreading the word*. Well, what if you don't have anyone to *spread the word*? And you don't know if people would contact who etc.....
Would you put it on the directions or hotel information instead?
Just like one line, registered at JC Penneys? Or something like that?
Just curious.
We did seperate inserts in the invitation that had the registry information. While not exactly proper etiquette, everybody appreciated the fact that they didn't have to ask around for the information.
You could just provide a link on your invitation to your website and then put your registry information on your website.
Are you having a shower? Usually those have cards in them saying where you are registered.
I know if I've said this once, I've said it 1000 times. It really, truly, depends on you social circle. In my family and ALL of my friends and the 7 (7!!!!) weddings I've been to this year have had the registry info included in the invites. We will not deter from this when we do our invites either.
I'm having a shower, but I am not registered yet, so there will be no *registered* at line on there....... Plus, I plan on having a personal shower, and want lingerie at my shower....
Also, I'm not inviting all the guests to the shower, just some of my friends....
Also, we don't have a website and I don't announce wedding type of stuff on facebook either, so all that stuff is out of the question. One reason we don't have a website is that it's a smaller wedding. I just can't count on people spreading the word, because I know that will not happen with me and my family, plus I don't know many of the guests from fiance's side....
I think I will just do the separate insert, thanks for the idea JamaicaBride:)
Registry info in the invites is always a breach of etiquette, no matter what the circumstances are. You don't have any family or friends attending at all? Unless you are only inviting family, then no, lots of times people don't know your other guests at all but they are still able to figure out where you are registered. Also, it is ok to tell guests who ask you where you are registered via word of mouth.
@thisismeAXiD: I have to agree with you. Only the bride and groom can really say how certain wedding things will be accepted. You kind of have to do what makes sense for your wedding.
The whole word of mouth thing as far as registry info stems from a time when invites were hand-delivered and all of the guests were in the same community. That time has long past and there's nothing wrong with changing with the times.
The difference is that tradition can be kept or changed. This is etiquette which is place to prevent awkward social situations and is NOT to be changed, regardless of whether people think it is outdated or not. Be prepared for many offended guests if you do include registry cards.
Do what works for you, but I don't think registry cards are necessary even without word of mouth. Odds are the couple is registered at Macys/Target/Bed Bath and Beyond/Crate and Barrel. I've never received a registry card or asked the brides family and I have always managed to figure it out.
@LGenz: I'm not registering at ANY of the places you mentioned. I'm registering at JCPenneys probably. Also, from personal experience, many people would not just be able to *guess* where I was registered at. Maybe you could do that, but I would never be able to do that...and never have. I've always had to ask.
@Ember78......There won't really spread of *word of mouth*...that won't work for us:( Of course I will tell people who ask me, by word of mouth.....BUT I can tell you that many many people won't even ask! I have 2 relatives coming....but I am also inviting people I haven't seen in awhile including relatives my parents are making me invite who won't come.....so they might be less inclined to ask, plus they don't even have my contact info.... and how about my fiance's guests, I don't know many of them and he doesnt have contact with them so much either.....some guests we dont even know who we are inviting.
I don't think I would use a registry card...I think I would just include it in a small line at the bottom of the hotel or directions info. cards..
I'd put it on your website...mywedding.com is one of many free sites that takes maybe 5-10 minutes to set up. Then, just do a card with your invitation suite that says something like "For accommodations and other information, please visit..."
@Statutory Grape: I'm NOT making a website, at all! It's a small wedding and not a big deal....I only have two bridesmaids and a junior bridesmaid.... plus many people are not tech saavy. I don't make websites......plus, I had a freind recently who had the website and it didnt work at all......
I don't need a website considering its a smaller wedding (50 people or under)
We're having a small one, too. It's just a good idea because then you don't have to make a bazillion insert cards and spend more on postage. People are more tech-savvy than you give them credit for--how hard is it to log on to the Internet, type in a web address, and check out the site? Most people would be able to figure it out. But hey, it's your thing. Just know that registry info right on the invite generally leaves a bad taste in people's mouths.
DO NOT SEND it on or in your wedding invitation. You are inviting them to a celebration, and are not asking for a gift. (Yes, gifts are traditionally given to the couple, but they are not to be asked for in the invitation.) People are smarter than you think... they will figure out who to ask for registry information from, and can even check out a couple registries to hunt for your information online with very little difficulty. You can and should share your registry information with your families, and wedding party members... I've gotten invitations with gift registry information enclosed and I always feel like the bride didn't do any homework on a proper invitation when I see that included. I actually don't even like to see the gift enclosures in a shower invitation, even though, I know that technically they are okay... I do think that it's okay to have your registry information included on a webpage tab that someone must click to open... because if they are clicking on the tab, then they are asking you for the information.
@starry: Just do the card insert. We did it for my sister's wedding and there wasn't a single negative comment made about it. It was done for most of the weddings that I have attended and I never gave it a second thought or was offended at all. I didn't think the couple was demanding gifts either. There are so many other stressful things that you will have to deal with during your planning process...this certainly isn't one of them 
I agree with Statuatory Grape that many guests are brighter than they are given credit for, especially when it comes to weddings.
As far as negative comments made to the couple regarding rude behavior, the majority of folks are raised with the correct notion that it equally rude to comment on it to the folks in question. Hence why if a couple does something rude or offensive, they say their guests never said anything bad about it, therefore it must be ok. But that doesn't make it right because someone believes that they can get away with being rude or offensive to others.
I would not include it in the invitation-it seems like you are asking for gifts. Many websites are already set up so you really just type in whatever you want-I have found them quite useful for the weddings I have attended. For example, an out of town wedding that I recently went to had all of the hotel information, airports/maps on their website which was awesome and greatly appreciated.
Etiquette or not...we will probably end up putting an insert containing registry info into our invites. Technically then it is not on the invite itself, but in the "more info" section. Every wedding invite I have ever received has put their registry info into the invite as an added card or insert, so we will likely follow suit. That is just the way it is done here and I have never heard negative comments about it. We will have it on our website as well, but we will have a lot of older family members that cannot even use a computer.
I still absolutely wouldn't do this. I think it's rude to directly tell guests in the invitation where they should look for gifts. Most people will ask or will figure it out if you register at a common place. Just because other people do it doesn't mean it's not rude...
here's what theknot.com had to say after being asked about this issue.
No gift information should be included with your wedding invitations. Tell your wedding party, parents, and close friends where you are registered, and let them fill guests in. Guests know that they are supposed to ask your mom, your maid of honor, or even you where you're registered. Putting it in the invite is still considered bad form because it suggests that the gift is more important than the potential guest.
We just put it on our wedding website. The computer-savvy will get it. The non-computer-savvy will ask your mother, your MOH, or you. That's really all you need.
I second the website comments...people will put two and two together :)
to all the people who think I can rely on a website: I'm NOT making a website! My wedding isn't a big deal...it's smaller.
To all the people who think my bridal party/family can spread the word: You're wrong....my bridal party DOESNT know many of my guests, only a few..... My family isn't even tech saavy...older people aren't either.... My family isn't really that in touch with people....I cannot rely on them to be spreading the word... Some people don't know any of my guests...
It's just going to be less of a hassle to just put it in the insert with the hotel/directions info.
@starry: Then why did you make the thread, if you're not going to take our advice? It seems you made the thread with your mind made up... Even if your wedding isn't a big deal, the website idea is the least offensive to your guests. And for heaven's sake, give people more credit--you do not need to be tech savvy to type in a web address and look at the registry.
@Statutory Grape: Why did I make the thread? I AM taking some people's advice, just not yours! I am just taking the advice of the people who don't agree with you.
My parents don't use a computer much at all, and I know some of my relatives don't either...and since I am not making a website(as my wedding is no big deal and am not going to make a big stink about it) they won't need to use the computer anyways... I would rather them not have to play a big guessing game as far as the registry....
Including registry information in your invitations is considered quite rude - its essentially demonstrating that you expect your guests to give you a gift and pretty much specifically what gift you want them to get you. Contrary to popular belief, wedding gifts are NOT required even though they are customary. Including your registry information turns your invitation into an invoice - don't do it. If people want to know where you're registered, they can and will ask you. Even if they don't, if you know them well enough to invite to your wedding they should know you well enough to select their own gift without being directed.
Of course people aren't going to tell you that including this information is seen as rude and tacky - I've never said as much to anyone I know who has done this but it doesn't mean I didn't think it or wasn't offended by it.
Yes, it is breach of etiquette to list your registry on your invitation because:
1. It implies that attendance to the wedding is conditional upon gifting or that the couple expects a gift. Gifts are customary, but they are NOT mandatory for weddings. Another way of looking at it is the invitation's function is to REQUEST the presence of your guests--NOT request a gift from them.
2. The honorees of the event, even if they are hosting, are not supposed to ask for their own gifts directly.
You can resolve this by: a) putting the registries on your wedding website as Statutory Grape suggested (and it's really convenient because you can link directly) and b) including your website on your STDs and/or your invitation. Younger people tend to know automatically that registries will be on websites; older people tend to call your folks but EVERYONE will know that you have a registry somewhere even if it's not on your invitation and they won't have to think hard about how to go about finding it, trust me.
Now, at the end of the day, this is somewhat of a regional thing in that in certain places, it seems to be a common practice, so if you know your guests really well and think it'll get by, then go ahead. HOWEVER, I STILL would pose the question: WHY is it so important to you to list the registry on your invite, given the reasons that it breaches etiquette above and also is it really worth doing something that might get-by some people and offend others but won't really be *appreciated* by anyone (except maybe you)?
@JennyW1: I don't think my relatives and I know my friends won't call my folks.... So in our case, including it will be helpful...We're NOT having a website.
If your friends are trying to buy you a present, they wouldn't ask you what you wanted, or where you were registered?
A couple of years ago -- before I spent a couple of years hanging out on wedding boards -- I simply shurgged off the occasional appearance of a "registered at ..." line on an invitation as being a sign that the bride was simply n.o.c.d. and "didn't know any better, poor thing". Two years of seeing the kind of wilful disregard for good manners, and sense of entitlement that crops up on some of the nastier wedding boards have jaded me: now I respond to that kind of thing by reconsidering sharply whether this is a wedding I really want to help celebrate.
The "word of mouth" myth, by the way, does not date back to the days before mailed invitations. In my youth intentionally spreading your own registry information was considered as gauche as putting it on the information. Guests initiated those discussions -- and did it discretely because it was almost a form of voyeurism to get that "sneak peak" into the choices the bride was privately making about how to decorate and outfit her new home. Of course, in those days most of us girls had our china and silver picked out by the time we were ten or twelve; visiting the china shop with our grandmother or great aunt on some special birthday to pick patterns, and beginning to collect place settings years before we were ready to leave home. The best shops maintained a record of those choices for years, so there wasn't the same sense that the registry was made just for the sake of getting gifts.
Things have changed, but just as we don't rely on hand-delivery, we have plenty of means of communicating to weasel out registry information if we want to find it. The easiest for everyone is just to go to the top registry websites and search for the couple's name. Failing that we can text, phone, tweet or facebook one another to share the information. There's no need to cite the decrease in visiting in person to descend to direct-solicitation techniques.
Now, you now your peeps better than I do, but put yourself in your guests' situation. You get a wedding invite. There's no reference to a registry or a website. What would you do?
For some people, yeah, I'd call the couple and in that case, it's okay if someone calls you and asks for the information (which is different from offering it). So even if your friends won't call your folks, they will probably call you or FH or MOH or someone "younger" that they know. Relatives are a different thing, but most people know to call someone to check. No one will assume you don't have a registry or you don't want gifts!
If you are worried about getting random things, let me put your mind at ease: you will receive random things, registry or not. And the people who will gift you random things would probably give them to you even if you skywrote your registry link above their house.
(And by the way, if people can't figure out the registry or how to get it, that usually means cash for you, which you might prefer)
I don't get why you aren't making a website. The number of guests is irrelevant to the function that a website serves. If you are so adamant that your wedding "isn't a big deal," then perhaps it would be appropriate for you to let go of the desire that people get you gifts from your registry.
Mentioning gifts in any way on the invitation is rude, rude, rude. It's a very simple fact. People who are interested in giving you a registry gift will initiate conversations with your parents, your relatives, yourselves, your attendants, anyone they know, to find out where you're registered. If they aren't, then they won't.
@aspasia475: I really value your perspective on this sort of thing, especially because I keep going back and forth on having the registry on my website (the website is mentioned on the STD; it is not mentioned on the invitation. And the registries themselves are not referenced on either STD or invite!) because it does make me feel all grabby. Everyone assures me the registry-on-website is a common practice (some people are even annoyed when it's NOT on the website) and at the end of the day, I have to trust that people who know me don't think of me as a selfish person and probably wouldn't judge me in such a way.
And yet, I think that the hush-hush way was once very elegant and nice and more...celebratory. Kind of a shame.
(Oh--my mother told me last year that she chose her silverware "at sixteen" and my mouth clattered to the floor! I think that when I was sixteen, I coveted a Green Day CD or something. I told her she was putting me on, but I guess I'll have to go back and apologize now!)
@aspasia475: not many of our guests have facebook, email, even phone number.....There are people I am inviting who don't have my current phone number, nor my parents, nor my bridesmaids...they wouldn't even know who my bridesmaids ARE.
I actually didn't even want a registry, but we're going to make a small one....
As far as the website, we're not making one because it's a small wedding and it's not a big deal....I don't want to make a *show* out of my wedding....I am not having a ton of people being bridesmaids, etc. There is no need for a website.
While I believe some "rules" are outdated I do agree with this one about not including registry info for many of the reasons listed above. Including any info about gifts (even to say no gifts) is rude and makes gifts seem expected. The invitation is to ask that person to attend, not to ask for a gift. I've been to numerous weddings, but only once was registry included in the invitation--and on a separate card nicer than the invite! The wedding was a destination wedding in a different country and I (and many other guests) could not attend, but I felt like the Bride & Groom still wanted to make sure I remembered to get a gift. I was offended, but I never mentioned it to the bride or groom.
@JennyW1: Ah, you don't even remember the older tradition, that of referring insultingly to pretentious people as "the kind of people who buy their own silver." The theory was that you were supposed to inherit your silver, not go out and buy it. LOL
@2dBride: So true, so true. Although, ironically, we ARE inheriting silverware--not something we decided to do because of custom as you say, but FH is an only child and has two sets of parents that don't really use their silverware but don't want to sell it or give it away, so eventually, they said they're bequeathing their sets to us. I like that my one-day silverware will have history.
Including your registry information anywhere, including a website, is rude. It demonstrates very clearly that you expect your guests to give you gifts and that you don't trust them to select that gift.
A wedding gift, like any gift, is supposed to be a gesture of affection or appreciation for someone. I guess I don't get why some people are SO focused on the gifts and so worried about getting exactly what they want. What ever happened to allowing your guests to select their own gifts? You might just get things you did want or even better, something wonderful you hadn't or wouldn't have thought of.
I have a small registry and its not mentioned anywhere and plenty of people have already asked about it - those who want to know. The gifts are just such a small part of the wedding day - or should be.
We put it on our website, and then included a card that said "For more information, including:
-directions
-registry info
-hotel blocks for out of town guests
-and much more
see our website : [URL]"
or something to that extent. Our invites were just an invite and the rsvp card though, so people pretty much HAVE to go to our website. :)
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