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question about who is considered the host

posted 2 years ago in Paper
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    1.
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    Worker bee
    lagizzle    10/24/09   DFW

    If my FI's parents are just paying for the rehearsal dinner and not any part of the wedding or reception, that is considered the bride's parents hosting right? 

    I'm trying to make sure the ettiquette wise it's ok to not list his parents name on the invites. Main reason is that they are divorced and to list them makes the invite look very cluttered (to me at least) with 5 names on it. Thoughts???

     
    2.
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    Bumble bee
    mandalynn17    June 19, 2010   Medford, OR

    Technically they do not have to be listed if you don't want them to.  But do you think they would be upset if their names aren't on their at all?  My fiance's parents are divorced too, but they haven't remarried. His mom made a comment when we received a wedding invitation a couple months ago about how she couldn't believe they left the groom's parents names off.  So...we are including my fiance's parents, because I don't want an upset MIL! 

    Also, what does your fiance want? Does he have a preference?

     
    3.
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    Worker bee
    lagizzle    10/24/09   DFW

    FIL is remarried. MIL has gone back to her maiden name. FI said as long as they are recognized in the program he is fine with it.

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    Bumble bee
    mandalynn17    June 19, 2010   Medford, OR

    I don't think that is too much, but it's about what you want.  Just be sure it isn't going to bug his family, or that you don't care if it does!

     
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    Worker bee
    lagizzle    10/24/09   DFW

    bump

     
    6.
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    Busy bee
    MarzipanMrs.    June 2009   New Jersey

    If the bride's parents are paying for the ceremony and reception, they should be recognized as hosts on the invitation.  The groom's parents aren't traditionally mentioned. We didn't mention my husband's parents on our invite and I didn't hear any backlash.  His mom hosted the rehearsal dinner and that was indicated on the RD invitations. Just mention all the parents in the programs and you should be fine.

     
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    Helper bee
    KBsquared    August 7, 2010   Missouri

    you can always go with the option of

    "together with their parents"

    unless you definitely want to give your parents that credit of hosting.

     
    8.
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    Bumble bee
    JsDragonfly    December 29, 2009  

    I ran into this problem just a few weeks ago.  My parents and I are paying for everything.  Long story short, I am having two receptions.  I am paying for the one in the city I currently live in, and my parents are paying for the one in my hometown.   I had been kind of irritated that FI's family hasn't offered to pay for anything.  I do understand that tradition says that the bride's family takes on the bulk of the expenses, but there are also the traditional expenses that the groom's family takes care of.  Well, I had sent a mock invitation to my FI so he could take a look at it and give it the official approval.  He was reading the wording to his mom over the phone and she flipped out that her name wasn't on there.  When FI asked me about this, I politely pointed out that the "hosting" parents names go on there.  And considering his family hasn't lifted one finger to help, they definitely didn't fall into the "hosting" category.  He then said that it shouldn't matter who's paying for what when it comes to names on invitations.  As much as it still irritates me (if my parents are paying for everything, I want them to get all the praise) I understand that this was a little bridezillaish of me to refuse to put his parents names on the invites just because they weren't helping with the wedding.  But....secretly...I'm still irritated as heck, just trying to wisely pick my battles! lol

     
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    Blushing bee
    formerlybuttons    June 5, 2010  

    I think traditionally whoever is paying for the wedding itself (ceremony + reception) -- that's who is listed as the hosts.  If it's important to your FI and/or his parents that his parents are listed in some way on the invite even if they aren't technically the hosts, you could always do something like:

    "Mr. and Mrs. So and So request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter lagizzle to So and So, son of Mr. Father of the Groom and Mrs. Mother of the Groom." 

    That way, they're still recognized on the invite and it's not as "cluttered" looking, since your FI's parents' names will be on one line under his name.  And it's a nice way of recognizing them, without having to list them as hosts!

     

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