Question about your finances, newly married Bees/engaged Bees

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We will merge finances once we are married.

 

We both just feel this is how married couples “should” work and I think that is because it was the way both of us were raised.

 

We will add each other to our current checking accounts (at the same credit union), probably make 1 a bill paying account and one a fun money account. We will maintain our separate credit cards, but probably open up a join one AFTER we buy a home in a few years.

Post # 4
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We are not merging our money.  It caused too many fights in my first marriage. I want us to each have our own money and make our own decisions. He is moving into my house so I will pretty much keep all the household bills in my name and he will transfer money to my account once a month. 

We have said that anything over $1k we will talk about. 

Post # 5
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We have a common checking and savings, but we both have our own separate checking and savings which is completely our own.  We also both work full time.  Both FH and I are very open about money, which I think is important.  Right now (we live together, and are getting married in a year) our joint account is solely for rent and bills.  Once we get married we have agreed any monetary gifts from the wedding will go into our joint account, towards a down payment on a house.  I think as long as you’re constantly open to talking about money, and you truly are honest with eachother, whatever you decide to do is fine.  I agree with PP – any major purchases (and you have to talk about what constitutes a major purchase) is important to speak about.

Post # 6
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yes, we’ll be merging everything. We just got married on Wednesday so not a lot has happened yet. I never allowed anyone access to my personal bank account (I was married once before) but I just added my husband on to mine – he didn’t ask. Our accounts will be shared, but we’ll each have “our” own checking account. Any thing we buy that is a commitment (like Crossfit membership) or pricey, we run past each other.

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We merged long before we were even engaged, mind you we have property together. All expenses come out of the one working account, we generally only run something by the other if it is hundreds of dollars. My FI refers to me as the “Minister of Finance.” Hah.

Post # 8
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Yes to a certain degree; we have two joint checking accounts (one for every day, one for wedding stuff) and one for savings.  Joint bills, groceries, entertainment, etc. come out of the every day checking account, which we each put a set amount of money into each month.  We each have our own separate checking accounts for personal stuff (like I’m not going to make him pay for my clothes or books etc.).  Having separate accounts also ensures you keep presents secret 😉

I’ll add that we opened our first joint account when we moved in together (not engaged at the time), and opened the other two as the need arose.  In retrospect it might’ve been hasty to do it before engagement, but I think we both were sure we were headed towards marriage…

Post # 9
Member
1818 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

We opened joint checking and savings accounts a few months after getting engaged (we live together and were tired of keeping track of what’s “fair” for the other to cover), though I might not recommend it to everyone. We did keep additional separate checking accounts for gifts, etc, and it’s also good to have something separate in the event of abuse, affair, or things like that. Nobody likes to think that could happen, but well, it does to a lot of people. Better to have a month or two worth of expenses in a nest egg than to be out on your butt with nothing until you can settle it legally.

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We combined everything shortly before we got married – it was easier when applying for home loans to have all the financial information in one place. Plus we get more interest having more money in the bank, which is handy. It also means we don’t think of things as “his and mine” when it comes to paying for stuff – it took a little getting used to, so he would give me some money to pay for his lunch, or something, and I would remind him it’s the same money!

We just found it easier; my brother and his wife still have seperate accounts (married for over a year), and they have money problems all the time. He doesn’t know how much money she has in her account, she’s always asking him if he’s put money in for their bills, etc. It’s just easier to be open about it all.

Post # 11
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

We merged already. Actually I had full access to his account about six months into the relationship. we’ve been together 4.5 years now and own a home. Everything is merged Including checking, savings, and any other accounts. I also manage all of our finances including stock options etc.

it was just easier for us, plus he didn’t want to hear the numbers. We’ve had no issues. His check is direct is deposited and mine get deposited about twice a month into my account. I then transfer money around as needed.

Post # 12
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

The day after our wedding I was added to my husband’s bank account. My account had been set up when I was in college so my mom had access to it. Obviously that was not happening after marriage, so that’s why I joined my husband’s already existing account. Everything is joint 100% and I love the honesty, transparency, and unity that comes with that. 

Post # 13
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Our finances are already pretty much combined, although in a weird way, and will stay the same way after the wedding.  I have a checking account that’s mine and then we have a joint checking account that’s “his” – meaning I have control over the money in both accounts and he has control over the money in one.  His paychecks are auto deposited into “his” account, and then I transfer most of the money to “my” account.  He has enough in “his” account for whatever daily spending, but I then pay the household bills out of “my” account.  Some people can just do one joint account and deal with it together, but he didn’t want that.  I’m in charge of finances and that’s the way he wants it, but at the end of the day we pay everything together.  I also deal with his work benefit accounts (stock options, 401(k) and IRA), although I always run any decisions past him. We also both put money into our investment account – that account is technically only in my name, but I’ll add his onto it after the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
3463 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We are mostly separate, but we put each other’s name on the accounts so we’re technically joint.  DH didn’t want to go to one checking account and neither wanted to give up the one they used for various reasons (I love my USAA, he likes his local).  We each pay certain bills (e.g. I pay cable/most groceries, he pays gas/electric/condo fee).  If one needs more for any reason, we just transfer the money.  We’ll probably need to set up regular transfers when we buy a house for the mortgage (current condo is paid off).

We manage our investments ourselves because we have very different philosophy’s on it.  DH is buy and hold forever.  I have my dad trade my accounts for me.  I cringe at his style – he’ll hold onto non-performers for a really long while, and he cringes at mind – horror, the risk of trading, and he trades in some things like futures and volatility indexes, which makes it worse.

 

We got married mid-thirties.  If we married in 20s we might have done it differently.

@LadyElva: We just found it easier; my brother and his wife still have seperate accounts (married for over a year), and they have money problems all the time.

I’d suggest that separate accounts aren’t the root issue there.  They may excerbate it, but it didn’t create the issue of lack of transparency and I bet they’d still have issues even if they had joint accounts.  We talk frequently about what money we have available for bigger purchases or how we’re going to handle things, and would show each other anything in the accounts if asked.  Even though we can make large purchases on our own, we always talk them over.

Post # 15
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We make about the same amount of money, so we just split the bills (he pays cable, I payphone, etc.–it’s usually even), plus we both really like our banks and have all the direct deposit/automatic bill pay already going, no sense in changing a good system. 

We try to keep things 50/50 since we make the same amount, but we don’t bust out the calculator all the time either.  I don’t mind treating him for a meal once in awhile and he doesn’t mind picking up the bill sometimes either.

We will be opening up a joint account, though, for savings/big purchases.  Just to keep us accountable for saving.

Post # 16
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We did during the wedding planning process, it just made it easier with paying for things along the way.

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