Post # 1
Hi Bees. My DH and I are both savers rather than spenders. We lived at home for awihle while we worked full time so we both had a bit of a nest built up with regards to savings. It’s easy to save when you don’t pay rent, groceries, etc!
Anway, because of this we were able to buy a nice big house and afford the wedding of our dreams. We had nearly all our savings left (because we saved during the engagement) that we just bought a new car. Now we plan to furnish the house.
Last night DH came home from coffee with a friend, and his friend said that he heard his girlfriend talking with her friend, and they were saying how there is no way we could afford the wedding we had, and our parents must have paid for everything. Apparently they said the same about our house. DH corrected him, modestly, and just said living at home while we were working worked out for the best. So his friend may tell his girlfriend, who knows.
It kind of bothered me a bit. On one hand, it makes me feel proud that we have been able to do so much for ourselves that our friends were impressed. But on the other hand… I don’t want people thinking I take handouts from my parents.
Has anyone run into this situation? I guess the only thing is to ignore it. But now I’m so self conscious. I’m having a friend over next week who hasn’t seen our house yet. I’m afraid she’s going to think the same things now.
Post # 3
Who cares? Really – why do you care what people think?
Post # 4
Ignore them. It’s no one’s business.
So what if they think your parents helped? You know the truth, your parents know the truth. Be proud of how you got to where you are!
Post # 5
@MrsGatito: Well, in a way they are correct. If you hadn’t both received contributions from your parents in the way of free rent and groceries, you likely wouldn’t have been able to afford your wedding/your house, or both.
Stop letting what other people say, bother you. It takes too much negative energy to react this way.
Post # 6
@oneofthesethings: I am someone who always cares about what people think. From what I wear, to what I say… everything. It’s just my nature, I guess.
Post # 7
@MrsGatito: people are always going to judge/assume things. I don’t work, we own our own house in a nice community, paid for our own wedding, etc, so people assume lots of things about our finances (ranging from parental help to deeply in debt). I think the best thing you can do is just not give them any information about your finances and ignore them.
Post # 8
@MrsGatito Don’t worry about what was said, be proud of what you have been able to afford for yuorselves with no one elses help. That’s really impressive and they are probably just jealous.
Post # 9
@MrsGatito: We get stuff like that a lot but I think it is mainly do to the fact that we are so young and able to afford so much! We are just financially able to take care of ourselves 🙂
Post # 10
@MrsGatito: There really isn’t anything you can do except express gratitude for how lucky you’ve been to have lived with you parents for that time and to have good jobs. If this friend who comes to see your house remarks on how you were able to buy the house just be honest and say, “We were so lucky to be able to live with our parents before having our wedding and purchasing our home. We were able to save enough to pay for those things ourselves.”
As for people talking amongst themselves, there’s really nothing you can do to control how they think. They are just going off their own experiences.
Post # 11
@MrsGatito: I think your DH responded perfectly. You may not like to think of it this way, but if you lived at home rent-free and bill-free because of your parents’ hospitality, you did accept their financial help to get you into the house and car you currently own. Sure, they didn’t give you a lump sum and I wouldn’t exactly call it a “hand out” but it was that generosity that got you where you are today. It’s not something to be ashamed of, because it did require your practical attitude to save during that time, and I think they do need some acknowledgment when people comment on your good fortune!
Post # 12
Also, IMO there’s no shame in getting help from your parents if they offer. It’s an issue if you sit on your butt and let mommy and daddy do everything for you while you do nothing, but if your parents did help you buy a house or pay for your wedding, whatever. That’s their perogative and no one elses beeswax.
Post # 13
@MrsGatito: You have to ignore it. Any attempt at trying to prove that you paid for the wedding will only have you coming off looking poorly. If you say you paid for your wedding no one should question it.
We paid for our wedding 100% without any assistance and we had a large budget and very nice wedding. Haven’t encountered anyone daring to question that considering most people know (ballpark) what we make based on our lifestyle etc. If they did question it I would probably laugh.
Post # 14
Ignore it. There really is nothing else you can do.
Post # 15
I think everyone is always going to assume things anyways. So let them.
Another thing to keep in mind is how different people percieve what they are proud about.
For me, I take pride in the fact I moved out at 19, got my own appartment, worked 2 jobs and maintained scholarships for University. I take pride in that. I may not have as much as some of my friends who stayed at home longer, but I’m proud I did it on my own and worked hard. Without a doubt, I truly am stronger for it. For me, it was an experience, and that experience is something I am proud of.
For some people, a nice house, cars and things are just “things”. For others they are proud of it. If you are proud of what you have, who cares if they are jealous or saying things?
Everyone is going to have opinions, just live your life how you want to and be happy 🙂
Post # 16
@MrsGatito: It’s none of their business how you afford anything, be it a house, a wedding, a car… it’s just plain none of their business. You owe them no explanation. I wouldn’t worry about it. I would have responded with “wow, why were they even discussing what we can or cannot afford? that’s pretty rude don’t you think?”
Haters gonna hate.
People will always find a way to make themselves feel better if they can’t do something and someone else can. Maybe for THEM it would be impossible, but you guys were smart and it worked out for you. Even if youe explained they probably would still believe what they want so it’s really a losing battle. Be happy and move on 🙂