Post # 1
How did you trim the guest list? Did you not allow family to bring guests, even if they’ve been dating for years? Or did you “pick and choose” which relatives could bring a guest? Will your extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, not including 2nd cousins and beyond) all be invited, or just some?
We have 151 people on our list, not counting the wedding party (6 BMs, 6 GM). Our ceremony chapel seats 125, and I’d love to trim it even more to save on catering, so I’m open to suggestions 🙂
Post # 3
If you really wanna trim, just go intimate and more immediate .Stick to family. Don’t go into the second cousin range. Close friends.
Trim off distant familly,and acquaintances.
Or if family is first and really important, invite all family, but trim down plus ones and non family guests.
Who is making up the majority of guests? Plus ones?
Post # 4
@Eva Peron: I counted 32 “Guest” slots, though I know they won’t all be filled- we know not everyone in our family will bring someone. The problem with cutting the +1 is where do we draw the line? I have a cousin who’s been dating the same guy for 10 years but they aren’t married. One of my BMs has been dating her boyfriend 3 years. A few cousins have very short, recent relationships that may or may not last and I’m sure that will all change too, so I’ll have to edit anyway.
Actually there are no friends on that list at all if you don’t count the wedding party… heh. Everyone is an aunt/uncle/1st cousin/grandparent. So are we screwed on the catering since we have 120 relatives??
Post # 5
We are only inviting our closest friends, and not giving very many plus ones. For example, some of my single girlfriends aren’t getting them since they all know each other. Some of FI’s friends are, since they don’t know anyone else there. I think there are only 2 people who have true plus ones, in that they can bring whoever they want.
I am also still deciding whether or not to invite my cousins. I rarely see them and we aren’t close. They are quite a bit older than me so we didn’t grow up together.
My parents aren’t inviting any of their extended family or any of their friends. It’s basically immediate family, aunts and uncles, and close friends. We are only inviting 2 family friends who are like my godparents.
Post # 6
Well I love a big ol family affiar! Def keep the people with 10 year bf’s and the BM’s SO’s because they wedding party should be alloted a plus one. Maybe some of those cousins with flaky relationships? lol
I think you are def screwed on the catering unless you just can find something cheaper!
What are you doing for the church capacity issue?
Post # 7
@Eva Peron: Our families are awesome, just huge! I just don’t know where to draw the line for guests- how long does a couple need to date before they’re considered “family” or “serious”? And at $6/person I don’t think we’ll find cheaper, though I wish I could cut 20 people or so from the list… still debating cutting +1s anyway.
And for the church… I’m hoping at least 25 people respond no? lol. We have a few out of state relatives that won’t come… hopefully that will be enough to at least stay at capacity.
Post # 8
its so hard to trim when you have a big family. but you cant please everybody, and if you just explain to them if they have a problem then they might understand. we only wanted 40 guests max.. its now up to 91.. so i feel your pain.. im going to trim trim trim!
Post # 9
@MademoiselleL: Thankfully our very close friends are already in the wedding party. We’ll be having a huge reception though, and a cash bar, so that will make more people feel included even without the dinner.
@mrsrangrang: Wow, that’s just a little over the ideal number! 😛 How are you going to trim? I have two cousins in my wedding party and a few others I’m extremely close to. Then I have others I almost never see, but I’d feel bad inviting half my cousins and not the other half…
Post # 10
well we have come to an agreement of no more than 65 (but less would be great!!!). so we are cutting out some of his family. his is massive and not very close. so he is not having some of his neices and nephews. im sure it will offend people but we are the ones who are paying for it not them, and i would rather have the people close to me there on the day rather than those who i have barely met. (we have been together for three years and some of them i havent even met! they dont call each other etc they are not very close) so it will be a cse of this is the amount and who do we want there..
and if they have something to say wel we havent heard from them even to say congratulations on the engagement. so ill just be like oh you do exist.. lol
but really i dont want ppl who do matter to miss out just because we have family who we have nothing to do with come.
oh and we have decided to have an e-party and invite those who we cant invite on the day. (and all the other people who we want there) i know its just another waste of money but my FH is a butcher and so are his bro’s so we will have all the meat for a bbq. (he works with sheep, FBI work for pig, and other beef) and my BI runs the local pizza shop so im sure he will do us a deal. so we can just say we wanted you all to come and celebrate with us but unfortunately we cannot have everyone there for our day.. im sure theres a better way to put it.. lol
im just so over it im sure ill just not care when it comes down to it! just dont feel guilty.. if it was the other way around would they think twice?
Post # 11
I was limited very strictly to 49 people because of fire codes in our venue. First thing I cut was plus 1s. Meaning unless the couple is married or have children together (as in been together long enough to have children but not officially married yet) they dont get a plus 1. At first it ruffled a few feathers to be sure. A couple of my bridesmaids with new boyfriends were sad faced for a day or two. But ultimately everybody was understanding and it wasn’t a big issue.
Also decided against inviting relatives of relatives that I dont know and family in general that I see no more than once every few years. Keeping it to close family and best friends and although it was tough cutting down the list, now that I’m almost done planning I would want it no other way 🙂
Post # 12
we a listed immediate family (brothers sisters parents grandparents) we b listed in state friends and c listed out of state others. we never got to the c list. lol
Post # 13
We’ve kept our numbers at 50 even with allowing all partners of our guests to come, regardless of whether they’ve been together for years or only weeks. We’ve also allowed +1s for people who won’t really know anyone else.
We kept ours small by only going with close friends. Top 6 each. As soon as we went into the next tier of friends, it became a case of “well, if I invite A, I have to invite B & C too” so we just stuck with the besties.
With family, we’ve invited only those closest to us who we see regularly. For my side, this meant only one set of Auntie/Uncle/Cousins. However it also meant ALL of my GREAT uncles and aunties, which seems strange to most people. We are just much closer to them.
With FI’s family, he didn’t invite any uncles, aunties or cousins. Only parents and siblings. He has 56 first counsins, but just isn’t close to them like I am with mine.
We’re probably offending a lot of people, but too bad for them.
Post # 14
We had to cut out 1st cousins and stick to only immediate family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and our 2 or 3 closest friends. Inviting 1st cousins would have doubled our current list!
Post # 15
1 Rule: If they don’t know both the Bride and the Groom (We’ve been together 4 years now), then they weren’t invited.
We allowed ‘plus 1s’ for guests traveling from out of town, because that would be lonely, even if we didn’t know their ‘plus 1s’.
Post # 16
Hm… this was all awesome advice, but we do see almost all of our family at least once a year or if they’re out of state we keep in close contact. I don’t have any siblings so I’ve always been very close to my cousins. I might trim off a few plus 1s though. Thanks everyone!