Post # 1
I’m not a Christian but I have seen a few threads on here about people waiting till they were married to have sex and I was really curious about it. This is not something that I believe in for myself but I really respect the commitment and dedication this takes.
This seems like it would put sooo much more pressure on the wedding day/night. Especially for people who have waited into their 20s and 30s. Are/were you terrified? I feel like I would be. Were you at all worried that you were going to be incompatible in bed ( that the other person would be terrible, there was no attraction, or somebody realized that they have a kink or fetish that the other person was not at all okay with ) ? If you waited, how would you compare your sex life to that of other people who did not wait ( do you think this improved/hurt your long term sex life)? How do you feel about it now? Are you happy or do you regret waiting?
Sorry if some of these are quite personal, you don’t have to answer anything if your not comfortable.
Post # 3
Since both my FI and I haven’t had sex, it sort of takes out comparing each other to someone else. I am insanely attracted to him and vice versa, so I think we will be just fine in the sex department. I think the wedding night is going to be SO awkward though. If he had talked me into having sex with him before marriage, I would have a hard time respecting him, since abstinence till marriage is important to me.
Post # 4
I think my sex life is great, and we don’t come with baggage of past partners to worry about, compare to etc. I don’t have to measure up to anything. Also neither of us use porn, so other than an occasional R rated movie the only naked bodies we know of our our own or each others.
I feel completely confident and let loose, cause I feel valued and respected. I can tell my husband what feels good, and what doesn’t etc. We work together. Yes your first time is probably just like any other persons- your not an expert, youve got a pretty darn good idea of how things work and you just have fun with it-make the best of something perceived as “awkward”. Some people put an immense amount of pressure on themselves but its usually like the other partner has had sex with someone else so they feel the need to measure up. and just society as a whole creates an unrealistic expectations on our bodies, virgin or not.
I think the whole incompatible thing is just plain silly, too ( well for our situation)
And definitely no regrets on waiting. I have kissed one other guy than my husband and it still haunts me. I wish I had even saved my first kiss for him!
Post # 5
My husband & I have only ever kissed each other. I have zero regrets in that. I wouldn’t want that past baggage.
Post # 6
SO and I are waiting, it is more my decision than him. I have always said I wanted to wait, but he could go either way. We have been together since high school and will be each others firsts.
I feel because we waited and we’ve been together so long, we will be compatible no matter what. We have discussed all of our “kinks/fetishes” (not that either of us have weird fetishes etc)
We have also discussed the expectations (or lack there of lol) for our wedding night. There will be no surprises.
Because we have such a great relationship I truly believe there will be nothing to worry about.
Post # 7
I waited, but I didn’t feel pressure on the wedding night. I wasn’t completely inexperienced, so having sex wasn’t a huge deal but it was nice to have that first as a married woman. DH and I were quite open beforehand, so there wasn’t an issue about whether we were incompatible or had fetishes or anything like that.
I’m happy and don’t regret waiting. Our sex lives may have been better now if I didn’t wait, as I do experience some pain, but I’ve always had problems with tampons too. Whether or not it will go away with time, I don’t know yet, but if we had sex earlier it would have just meant dealing with it earlier.
Post # 8
All the questions you have asked have crossed my mind, but it doesn’t change my decision. I am not a virgin but FI is and we are choosing to wait. Although I know I can never regain my physical virginity, I made a renewed vow to God that I would wait until I was married to have sex again. So yes I have a history of having sex with others, but I don’t compare myself to them. I truly believe that on our wedding night that God will erase those memories and my FI will be completely compatible, but God promises that. Is the pressure there for the wedding night, a little but it’s more anticipation and excitement. I believe that our wedding night will be one of the most special times in our lives and not much will be able to compare to it, simply because God will be honoring our marriage bed and we love each other and us being intimate will each other will be a coming of our love.
Post # 9
Post # 10
It did put some pressure on the wedding night, but we were both extremely prepared for what was coming (and not in a “how do you do this” kind of a way – we both knew that). In my religion, you get a lot of premartial counseling on this type of thing, as well as other things, since unless specified otherwise, the couple are virgins together. I don’t believe you necessarily have to consummate on the wedding night if you haven’t been sexually together in certain ways before. Build into it naturally. We were actually advised not to push ourselves and let the moment come naturally. Thankfully, it did come naturally. Although DH and I weren’t really supposed to be doing this before we got married, we were fooling around a bit so I knew that we had chemistry and would be good together in bed to some degree. Our wedding night was fun and sweet and not intense at all. It’s special to me that we both have each other as our one and only.
Post # 11
@heatherburks: Same here. FI is the only guy I have kissed and vice versa.
Post # 12
Yea, I also wanted to throw out there that theres no rule that everything must be done on the wedding night . Its great to take time to enjoy each other and work up to sex and such as well.
Post # 13
We do not feel awkward about this at all. We have been dating for 4 years. There should be nothing to be awkward about. I think it would be much more awkward when it is a “friend” or only after a couple months.. or less awkward then when you are a gangly 16 year old girl. It is not like we have never talked about it.
And no, neither of us are terrified. There is no pressure. Why should there be pressure? Your MARRIED!! Once again, we have been together for quite some time and that comfortable with each other. We know each other, what we want.. there is no secret fetishes hiding.
And I don’t buy the “test drive the car before you buy it” idea.
I think that it improves each of our sex lives a thousand times more. Honestly, my personal opinion, there is so much more to sex than it is given. And I think people are missing the idea on so many levels. But that would be like a 203947234 word response here so I won’t get into that.
Overall, I am so happy for our decision, it wasn’t as big of a deal “missing out” as you would think, and I think it will bless us in the long term.
Post # 14
Sorry mine is worded weird (above post), on phone and it always makes it more difficult.
Also wanted to add, FI does not feel any pressure and he doesnt feel compared to the other guys I’ve had sex with. In fact, he sees me as a virgin and completely pure even when I have a hard time and feel guilt for my past.
And we have talked about it. There’s no pressure for the wedding night. All we’ve done is kissed and we’ve agreed that it’s ok if it happens slowly (but highly doubt it will since we are both in high anticipation of it).
And we’ve talked about the chances of it being weird or awkward at first, and we’re ok with it if it is. We agree that it’s part of growing together and learning the likes and dislikes just like any other couple being intimate for the first time. But like I said above I have a feeling it will be one of the most amazing experiences of our married lives.
Post # 15
@MissHighHeel: I’m definitely with you in the don’t believe in testing driving the car.
Post # 16
@teabiscuit: honestly Im not really nervous.
FI and I have been together for over three years and so we know each other quite well, we love to laugh together and can talk about literally anything. We’ve had lots of conversations about our wedding night and Im not sure either of us have super high expectations for it (since Ive heard sometimes the first time isnt fabulous!) but we have nothing to compare it to and we it will truly be with someone we love. Thats pretty special!
And heres a big bonus to it. . Im going to have just spent over a year planning the biggest day of my life and when we leave the reception it will all be over. I read in a bridal magazine that a lot of brides go through post wedding depression, but I doubt I will, because I have something to look forward to after the reception and on- having sex for the first time and getting to know each other in that way. Thats pretty exciting.