Post # 1
My wedding is less than 6 months away, but I’m no closer to clarity on the issue of whether or not to change my name. (Or maybe take his name but also keep mine? Hyphenate?)
Married ladies who found yourselves this close to the wedding and still undecided, how did you make your final decision? What tipped the scales for you? What did you end up deciding?
Post # 2
sunflower22: I feel you…. mine is 38 days away and I can’t decide!
I don’t want to be Kelly Osborne!!! haha
Also, I have a really really strong family history (my great grandpa was an explorer and went on the reconnaisance missions up Everest before the first successful attempt!) so I really don’t want to lose that, or my unique name!
I was looking at double barrelling, but has anyone done that and regretted it at all? If you double barrell, does OH do the same, or can he keep his name?
Such a dilemma… I’d love some advice from married bees too! It’s more of a dilemna because if we have a family I want to be a ‘unit’ all with the same surname…
Post # 3
sunflower22: I imagine you are talking about keeping your maiden name? Mine’s a bit different, but the same. I recently remarried and thought about not changing my name. A) because it’s a big pain in the butt, B) because my name was easy to spell and the new name isn’t (for others, not me – lol!), and C) because my new last name would rhyme with my first name.
In the end, the very last day I could do it, I changed it to my new husband’s. For one, I just didn’t want the old husband’s name anymore and for two, because I really did want to be Mrs and Mrs X. Not Ms L and Mr X. Somehow it just felt better to take his last name. For me anyhow.
A lot of Bees have changed their middle name to their maiden name, have you considered that?
Post # 4
I really have no idea what I’m going to do.
I’m a staunch feminist and taking my husband’s name feels so much like I am betraying everything I stand for. However, as a parent of divorced parents I am traditional in the sense that I think I would like to share my childrens’ last name.
I will likely end up going by Firstname Maidenname FIname
Post # 5
I’ve been torn but had to make a choice last week when the work business card order was going in. For work purposes I’m doing both last names. I’m probably going to do that in general as well. My first name sounds weird with his last name. My first name is feminine version of his last name lol.
Post # 6
I grew up always wanting to keep my last name. But, when it came down to it, it meant more to my husband to have his last name then it did for me to keep mine.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium
I used to think I would, but then read an article about business women who had a lot tied to their names changing it and then having nothing. So ultimately I realized that in my field I’ve build up a brand with my last name and I don’t want to lose that. Plus, my last name sounds better than his.
Post # 8
sunflower22: I’m not 100% decided, but pretty sure I’m going to do what some others have mentioned – what I call the “Hillary Rodham Clinton” route. I’ll take his last name, but will use my full name so I can hang onto my maiden name, but still have a family name. My name also sounds kind of silly with my FI’s, so going by three names will sound much better. And I know I’ll often just get called “First FI’s Last”, but that’s fine – I won’t be a stickler about going by all three, especially outside of work.
Post # 9
Agreed with the Hillary way, just too much of a feminist! I am planning on not legally changing anything, but going by by my Fname, my original last name, then his last name.
I had a coworker do the same and when signing legal documents, she just didn’t use his last name below in the signature. She proudly displayed his last name in business cards and emails, but always kept her maiden name in there too. I am following her lead!
Post # 10
sunflower22: I was realy torn and actually didn’t decide until after the wedding. I have a PhD and publications and my social circle has a lot of doctors and other professional women who didn’t change their name, so it wouldn’t have been a big deal to keep my name. However, I changed it and I’m so glad I did! The main reason I did it was because I wanted to have the same last name as my kids (primarily) and my husband, so we can have holiday cards say “The XX Family” and that kind of thing. Also, my maiden name is hard to pronounce and spell and I didn’t really feel any attachment to it, so I wasn’t sorry to see it go. It’s been a year, and I really like having the same last name as my husband and I never regreted changing it. Once I actually made the decision, I felt good about it, but I was really wishy washy for a while (plus my husband was totally ok with it either way, so he wasn’t much help).
Post # 11
goldgoldgold: I’m in a similar place. I want to change my name, but I HATE that I want to change my name 🙁
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium
I think also none of the women on my mom’s side of the family, including my mom, changed their name so it seems normal for me not too. Actually FMIL didn’t legally change her name either. I’m sure that all played some role in my decision too.
Post # 13
I changed mine, but kept my maiden name as my middle name. I could have gone either way, but my husband really wanted me to change. As the PP said, it meant more to my husband for me to take his name than it did to me to keep mine. I like the compromise of having my maiden name as my middle name.
Post # 14
I never thought I would change my name when I got married. We actually were legally married by common law for years and I kept my last name, but once we finally had our wedding, I changed my name.
The reason I did so was because I felt like I should compromise since he was compromising in another way for me. It meant a lot to him to have me change my name. Yes, I recognize it as a silly tradition built out of oppression through time and am slightly against it from there, but also my name is part of my identity. My whole life I had been one person and then I was expected to change that.
I wanted a very expensive Tacori setting and I knew he was saving up to give me my dream ring. I got my ring and as a gift to him, I decided to change my name. My original plan was to do make my legal name be “first name” “middle name & maiden name separated by space” “DH’s last name” (i.e., Jennifer Marie Smith Jones – no that is not my name). However, when I went in to the social security administration, my maiden name, which is 11 letters long, did not fit in the spaces they could work with. I ended up just dropping my maiden name completely. <br /><br />It’s only been a few months, but I can say I still have a bit of surprise to see my name written down or to hear someone call me by it, but I am happy about my decision.
That’s my story and hopefully it helps you make your decision. If you still aren’t sure, talk to your FI and see what he thinks. Perhaps that will help. If not, don’t change it until you want to. Maybe after a few years, you’ll decide to change it. You can do it whenever, so no pressure.
Post # 15
I was also very unsure, in the end we each took each others last name and added it as a second middle name. This way if his elderly grandfather calls me Mrs. His last name, it is still kind of correct. We both felt attached to our last names, but wanted to signify our marriage. We still aren’t sure what we would do if we had kids, but as we did with our last names, will make a decision when we get to it.