Post # 1
What is your reason for going through with fertility treatments over surrogacy or adoption? I know that for some, fertility treatments are not covered by insurance, so why not put that money towards surrogacy or adoption?
The reason i ask is because I have a friend who desperately wants a child, but can’t conceive on her own, and will probably have to choose fertility treatments, surrogacy or adoption, and is torn on what to do. I have no experience whatsoever, so I would love to get some info on why you have chosen the path you have over other paths out there. I’d love to be able to give an opinion on this to help her with her thought process, but for someone who has zero interest in children of my own, I am at a loss. Thanks so much!
Post # 3
The reason why I’m starting fertility treatments this month is because I want to have the baby. I want to be pregnant and feel what it’s like to feel a child grow in my body. I think that’s part of the whole process.
Every person is different – and that may not be important to some women… but it’s important to me. That’s also not to discount surrogacy or adoption, because if I tried fertility treatments and still had no luck, that would be my next step.
It really depends on the reason one can’t conceive on her own. For example, I just can’t ovulate, so if I take medication to make myself ovulate, hopefully I will be able to conceive and carry full term.
Hope that helps you some!
Post # 4
I also want to be pregnant, and my fertility issue is that I don’t ovulate. As far as I am aware, there is no reason I would not be able to carry or give birth to a child. The medicine only has to help me ovulate to get the process started.
The options of surrogacy and adoption are way far down the road for me. There are a lot of options I will consider first if the medicine does not work, including different medications, and IUI or IVF.
About the money issue, my insurance does not cover treatments or medication, but the cost has been surprisingly low so far. My pills are $50 per month, and my monthly injection is $100. Other than that, I have frequent blood work and ultrasound that actually is covered (I guess it is considered “fertility diagnosis” not “treatment”) but if it wasn’t, it would be around $150 each time. How often I need to go varies.
For me, the cost of the treatments are worth the (very good) possibility that I will be able to carry a child. If my infertility issues were more serious, then I would consider adoption.
Post # 5
Like the PP have said, I want to know what it is like to be pregnant. DH and I really want a biological child. But if after trying everything possible we are open to adoption.
My mother had fertility issues and adopted my sister after five years of TTC. She kept trying for six more years and then had me. So we are very open to adoption.
Surrogacy and adoption are not as easy as people think. They can be just as hard as going through actual fertility treatments. In California the mother has 6 months to decide if she wants her baby back. 6 months! I have had friends who tried to adopt twice and both times the mother ended up taking the baby back. Talk about heartbreak. They finally got lucky when they adopted older siblings (1, 3, and 5 I think?). And for surrogacy, if she is using her own eggs she will still have to go through fertility treatments in order to produce enough eggs for transfer.
No option is easy. Every couple has to decide for themselves which path they want to take. I strongly recommend this website Resolve for more information regarding infertility.
Post # 6
Thank you ladies for responding!! I kinda thought that was the reason, but wanted to see if there were others out there. I really appreciate you being honest about all aspects of it, cuz like I said, I have no real knowledge of this and knew I could count on you ladies 🙂
She had a stage 2 (I think) bout of cervical cancer, and lost too much of her cervix to not be very high risk, and possibly on bed rest the entire time because of it. they are going through fertility testing now to see if she has viable eggs, then I believe after that will decide between surrogacy and adoption.
@sweetkate: wow, that SUCKS. I thnk its terrible that they give a mother 6 MONTHS to decide. I can see maybe a week or 2, but not that long. But in all honesty, you get 9 months of pregnancy to decide, why draw it out any longer, especially if you have a willing and able couple to take the baby!!??
Personally, if we ever wanted to have a baby (at this point its a hard no, but I’m still relatively young, so things can change. I had a milder form of cervical cancer, and have already been warned of cervical incontinence, but barring any other issues, could possibly carry a baby to term). I would much rather adopt an older child if it came to that, for the same reason I would rather adopt older dogs than puppies. Its so much harder to adopt the older they get, but those kids have just as much right to a happy life as the babies!
Post # 7
If I was going through what your friend was going through, then I think surrogacy or adoption would be my decision. I wouldn’t want to get pregnant knowing I was very high risk or would need to be on bed rest.
I think the main difference is not being able to conceive, or not being able to carry a baby. Most of us on fertility medicine just aren’t able to conceive naturally.