(Closed) Question… not planning to invite the baby…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I hope she’d have the good sense to either find someone to watch the baby or duck out, especially if there’s going to be loud music and all that jazz. Do you have the option of providing a “quiet room” for her?

Post # 5
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@vmec: most people know if it is only their name, they are the only one invited. we invited a new mom (a week old!) who was nursing – she declined only because she had just gotten home (c-section) but likely would have dropped in with her baby quickly (unless she found a babysitter).

bottom line, I wouldn’t worry about it. if they call or ask, just be upfront, but understand that she might want to share in your joy but not leave her new baby with anyone. I doubt they would interrupt anything – like screaming baby during ceremony, etc. most people are good with it. 🙂

 

ETA – If I were a new mom, i might swing in for ceremony and cocktail hour, but not stay long at all. I would just want to share in the ceremony and touch base with the bride and groom.

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

lol! you can come but your baby can’t! We kinda did the same thing:)

Post # 8
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

I had two weddings to attend while I was nursing. I sat in the back so I could make a quick exit if she was fussy.  Even though it was loud at the reception, it didn’t bother the baby at all.  She mostly slept.  Hopefully if your friend has to bring her baby, it will sleep through most of the ceremony and reception.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This one can vary a ton between different mothers – if she’s nursing I can see it being quite difficult. I think your idea to let her figure it out is a good one!

Post # 10
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Are you putting Adults only reception on your invites? I wouldn’t even think about putting an infants name on an invitation, so if I received an invitation and it doesn’t have Adult Only I would think it was okay to bring my child.  I personally would leave my child at home but if you don’t want them there make sure its on your invitation to be on the safe side.

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrsjjohnson2b: That is actually really, really bad etiquette advice. You are never supposed to put adults only on an invite – it’s rude to point out who is not invited. If as a guest you think your child is invited when their name is not on the invitation, that is an error on your part! Not trying to sound harsh but you should really know that before you end up bringing your child to an event they are not invited to!

Post # 12
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m all for child-free weddings, don’t get me wrong, but if I was a new mother (and this was my first baby), I probably wouldn’t attend the wedding if I couldn’t bring my two-(or less!)-month-old. The nursing plus separation anxiety plus still feeling all that post-partum messiness just wouldn’t equate party atmosphere with me.

In summary, I think it’s fine not to invite the babe. Just don’t be surprised if the mom doesn’t come (or if she’s offended).

(Also, it irks me when people have a child-free wedding and then have flower girls & ringbearers. But! That is not the point of this post! Step away from the mike now, Kanye!Jenniphyr.)

Post # 13
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

I wanted to add, that I had older children who I did not bring to the weddings.  These were also “no kid” weddings, but the brides were very understanding because I wasn’t able to get a sitter for a young nursed baby.  Especially for an out of town wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Wonderstruck: Oh, pish. It might not be “good etiquette” to put adults only on the invite, but otherwise you’re going to end up with a shit ton of uninvited children & infants.

Post # 15
Member
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

We had no children at our wedding, except for newborns at the parents’ discretion. One baby was brought to our open bar/party reception, and he slept the entire night in his pram. I seriously didn’t hear him make a peep. Crazy!

Post # 16
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Some people are rude and would bring the baby anyway. I hate these people. I get that some parents aren’t comfortable leaving their baby but that’s their problem, not yours. If they can’t bare to be apart for a few hours then these guests can choose not to attend.

Our wedding is in 2 days (!!!!) and our 7 week old niece is not invited. I do not feel that weddings are appropriate for babies, breast feeding or not. Thankfully my FBIL/FSIL took it upon themselves to make arrangements for their daughter without even being asked but had they not, we probably would have ended up having a pretty awkward conversation that ended with them either figuring something out or someone not attending. I’ve seen too many weddings ruined affected by uncontrolable infants. Everyone thinks their baby is perfect but 9 times out of 10, they’re not.

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