Question regarding the flower girl and ring bearer…?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should the bride and groom pay for the flower girl and ring bearer outfits?
    Yes, they should pay. : (8 votes)
    53 %
    No, the parents should pay. : (5 votes)
    33 %
    They should pay only if the outfit is something out of the ordinary. : (2 votes)
    13 %
    They should pay only if it is a destination wedding. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6505 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it depends on your area and circle of friends (like BM dresses). I think it would be a nice gesture to offer to pay for the outfits (if you can afford it) since they are already paying to travel to the wedding.

    Post # 4
    Member
    641 posts
    Busy bee

    I think it falls in line with bridesmaid dresses. You are a completely awesome bride if you pay for it, but you don’t -need- to pay for it. Make sure you talK it over with their parents.

    Post # 5
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think the bride and groom should definitely pay!

    Post # 6
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    Indeed this one of those things that can differ based on locale & family traditions

    (ie in the UK the Wedding Attire for the Bridal Party is typically paid for by the Couple, in the US it is usually paid for by the Attendant themselves)

    However… when it comes to Children in the Bridal Party, a lot of couples do decide to cover this cost as a “thank you” to the Parents who have agreed to “lend” their kids to the B&G for the day.

    That sort is the rule when it comes to “Traditional Etiquette” and certainly what I did the first time I was married, and had a BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding… we covered it all… head to toe.  The Tux Rental for the Ring Bearer, and the Dress & Accessories (socks & shoes) for the Flower Girl.

    As well, we followed Traditional Etiquette, and picked up the other necessities for our Bridal Party to enjoy their weekend with us including:

    Transportation from their Accommodations to the Ceremony, Reception Site, and back to their Accommodations – the cost of their Accommodations for 2 Nights (Rehearsal & Wedding) – and issued them Invites for both themselves and a Plus One for the Rehearsal Dinner & Wedding

    All of these things were also extended to the Parents of the Children in the Wedding Party… so anotherwords, we paid for Accommodations for the entire family (Flower Girl, Mom & Dad, and any other children that came along… ie you cannot invite the Girl and her Parents and not include the other Brothers & Sisters).  Same with the Rehearsal Dinner.

    As for Destination Weddings…

    Rules of Etiquette remain the same.

    Hope this helps,

    PS.. Ultimately what you choose to do is up to you… as with all elements of Manners & Etiquette there is ALWAYS a risk if you go against the grain… it is up to you to measure the risk and make your choices accordingly.

    Personally, I couldn’t imagine inviting someone’s child to be in the Wedding Party, and my not paying “the bulk of the freight”… as I said, it is a big deal and honour, to have someone “lend” you their kids for the weekend.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    double post

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    To @PreciousLillywhite:  well then in that case I truly feel for you.

    This is a real “buggaboo” for me here on WBee.  I see waaay too many posts on these Boards by either disappointed Brides or Members of the Bridal Party when things don’t go on as either of them had envisioned.

    And more often than not it is because the Bride & Groom didn’t do their Etiquette Homework ahead of time… and just called up a bunch of “friends” to be in their Wedding Party because they want to include friends and have a great photo op

    As I’ve told Brides & Maids in the past… being a Bridesmaid is a lot more than just wearing a dress the day of.

    There are responsibilities and expenses to be incurred on BOTH sides… and when BOTH parties aren’t on the same page from the get go, there are hurt feelings and sometimes lost friendships (which is sad, when you think that the BP should be made up of one’s nearest & dearest)

    And it all comes down to no one sat down at the beginning to iron out the details… a list of expectations & costs (and who will pay for what)

    Brides wish their Maids would be more involved / do more.

    Maids get ticked off at spending 100s if not 1000s of dollars…

    Traditional Etiquette where all the expenses (including accommodations) weren’t left up to the BP was far more welcoming / appreciative / and fair handed… in that BOTH sides worked out pretty evenly.

    Modern Etiquettte on this front leaves a lot to be desired.

    I wish you well in this regard… because you may sorely disappointed / hurt when you discover that this Wedding is going to cost you dearly… both financially as well as friend wise if you are expected to bear the full load and not see much in return for your generosity.

    Sorry… I don’t have bettter news.

    PS… Here’s hoping you don’t have a Bride who goes off the deep end when you broach this subject.  In so much as she hasn’t budgeted any monies for your daughter or your family’s comfort.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    6505 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @PreciousLillywhite:  Do you own any outfits that you could use? I would ask the B&G about that outfit and if they say no than try to feel out what they are thinking from there.

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