Post # 1
Waiting bees – I have seen many, many posts here, ladies getting nervous, frustrated and upset because he didn’t pop the question to formally get engaged. I am curious about that. Must you ALWAYS wait for an engagement? If you feel that the time is right with your Mr. Right, why not just go ahead and propose, then discuss the kind of ring you want?
Is it such a bad thing to ask a man to get married? If he outrightly states he’s not ready, at least you know.
This is the feminist in me being inquisitive, that’s all.
Post # 2
shakazulu: I think it’s up to you and your SO — I openly discussed this with mine and he was adamant about proposing, or else I would have done it a few months ago. If you can’t openly discuss it, you can try to subtly bring it into conversation, but I think the preference for who proposes to who varies from couple to couple.
Post # 3
shakazulu: It’s not at all wrong for a woman to propose. I think the biggest problem the waiting girls come across is that they are ready and their partners are not. Proposing to someone who isn’t ready isn’t a good idea.
Post # 4
shakazulu: My DH knew I wanted to get married, we had discussed it, but I also knew that him proposing was something that was important to him, and honestly I wanted that too. The waiting for him to do it sucked, but even if I had proposed to him we wouldn’t have been married any sooner because he wouldn’t have been ready.
Post # 5
We’re very traditional and DH would have been offended if I propose, not that I would ever consider it. Of course we discussed marriage and if we were ready, etc. However, I never actually waited. We went and picked out a ring together when we decided we were ready, he asked my dad for permission, then wanted to surprise me with the proposal. I don’t understand waiting though, if you’ve discussed marriage and both want it, why doesn’t he just do it? I feel if he wants to be with someone he’d propose and not wait, but I’d never consider proposing.
Post # 6
I think the fact is most women want to be proposed to, and most men want to be the ones to propose 🙂 If I proposed to my husband I’d have felt desperate.. I just.. needed him to be the one to do it 🙂
Post # 7
a lot of men don’t want to be proposed to, a lot consider it ‘their’ thing and wouldn’t welcome it. equally lots of women want to be proposed to with the tradition etc. personally i’m all for a conversation and ring shopping but most will fall into one of the above categories.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I knew it was something he wanted. A friend had his girlfriend propose to him and my now-fiance expressed that he wasn’t a fan of that idea.
He knew i was ready. But I wanted to know he really was ready – by buying me a ring and putting some effort into it. If he had been ready when I was ready, then there wouldn’t have needed to be any waiting at all, right?
Post # 9
I think the trap that happens to most couples is that they kinda agree that the relationship is heading towards engagement and that he’ll be the one to propose. But then he doesn’t. And she’s left kinda powerless. Does that make sense? Like if you decide to go out for a dinner&movie date and you say you’ll make the dinner reservations and he’ll get the tickets. But then he procrastinates on getting the tickets – you don’t swoop in and buy the tickets – that’s kinda being a jerk. He said he would take care of the tickets. You have to respect and trust that he’s gonna do it.
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s “wrong” like morally or anything. I do think it’s unwise- the proposal is a great litmus test to gauge his commitment. I wanted to be married to a man who wants me as his wife so bad he buys a nice ring and puts his ego on the line and proposes.
Post # 11
I think it’s awesome when women propose! But I agree that no proposal should happen (from anybody) unless there have been discussions and both parties are on board with getting engaged.
Post # 12
I am waiting for him to propose because he already KNOWS I am ready to get married. He is not ready. When he is ready, he will ask and I will say yes. If I asked him when he wasn’t ready, what good would that do? I wouldn’t want him to feel forced into something he isn’t ready for.
I am 100% all for women asking, but it has to be the right circumstance – both parties are ready and have agreed marriage is the next step. For (from what I’ve seen) the majority of us, we are waiting for our partners to be ready. And when they are finally ready, they’ll ask. I sure hope anyway!
Post # 13
I think it’s unfair that you have to wait for him to be ready. That’s where the problem lies.
I can understand if there are goals to be achieved, like school or job-search or the like. But if there are no more life goals, why would he not be ready? Does he give reasons why he is not ready, especially if you have been dating for a long time?
I think for many men, their ‘not being ready’ means they are looking at other options out there (I don’t mean that this is usually the case). Some men don’t want to be tied to one woman. They are worried that there could be a better-looking, more suitable wife-material out there. And this is just plain wrong. Especially if you have been with them for years, patiently – yes – waiting.
Post # 14
Nope. I am all for women proposing to men if it works for the relationship. But keep in mind that in a majority of waiting situations, men take longer to become fully ready. This is partially because men are oftentimes more traditional in relationships; there is definite societal pressure for men to wait until they can fund the perfect ring, and definite societal pressure that deems women who propose to men as desperate.
Post # 15
There’s nothing wrong with the woman proposing, but some men who are more traditional may feel slighted if they don’t get that opportunity. I wasn’t even anticipating a proposal when my FI brought up the idea of our getting married. After that I just waited for logistics to come into place before the proposal, but he didn’t dillydally either.