Questioning my Engagement

posted 2 weeks ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think you need to speak with your therapist about this. They are much more qualified than a bunch of strangers from the internet. 

FWIW, your FI sounds like a great guy! You two are lucky to have found each other :o) 

Post # 3
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

mpizz :  Do you see a therapist for your anxiety? Maybe these are some good questions to go over with him/her. It can be red flags that something is missing in the relationship or it can just be your anxiety which is causing this doubt. I would highly suggest clearing this up with a professional before you start planning the wedding as the stress of planning may make your anxiety worse.

Good luck bee!

Post # 4
Member
9 posts
Newbee

As someone who struggles with anxiety as well. I think that when you are thinking clearly you should evaluate and possibly even write a pros and cons list. Once you have figured out that you want to stay with him, rewrite the list with ONLY the pros (the cons on the final list will make you focus on the bad instead of the good). Then when you get the impending doom feeling go back to that list and read it as many times as you need. Make the pros list as long as possible. Even inculding dates that were memorable or something sweet that he has done that really made you feel special/loved. If you have to take a picture of it with your phone so that you can reference it no matter where you are, DO IT! Also, seeking professional help is never a bad idea. Continue with that and don’t forget to mention to the person/people how you are feeling and consider that they say as well. Getting engaged and then married to someone that you love and who loves you back is a great thing. From what I have read on The Bee and also my own personal experiance it is stressful and that can exasperate the anxiety and dread feelings. Stay strong Bee!

Post # 6
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I know how you feel. I have also had anxiety my whole life. It started getting really bad just a few months after I met my now fiance. I decided to see a therapist. I questioned everything about my relationship. My therapist and everyone close in my life said it was all because of the anxiety. In those low times though it was hard to believe. So to answer your question, is this normal? Maybe not for the average person. But for a person with anxiety? I would say it is normal to question. Don’t give up though! I would have forever regretted giving up and listening to the anxiety. Listen to those around you. Hopefully your fiance is understanding of the anxiety. I wish you all the best!!

Post # 7
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I keep suggesting this all over the boards because I loved it so much. Check out the book Hold Me Tight. The author talks about attachment and how our partnerships become our primary relationships and how fearful it can make us to feel any threat or worry about those relationships. It’s really informative and helpful.

Post # 8
Member
29 posts
Newbee

mpizz :  Is this normal? No, not  for someone without an anxiety disorder. 

You and I both have one and it is normal for us. However,  its important that you continue doing what you’re doing and speaking to your therapist so he/she can distinguish between anxiety and red flags.  

From what you said,  your therapist thinks it’s your anxiety.  I think your FI sounds like an amazing man and I hope you can overcome this and be happy. Wishing you the best! ❤

Post # 9
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Coming from someone who has had anxiety in my relationship, and sought therapy for it, etc…just think about this – if you left him, where would you be? Would you feel less anxiety with someone else if they proposed? Or is this something you’re gonna have to work on no matter who you are with? I found that my anxiety was an issue within myself and I would worry over the same things with ANYONE. My fiance has stayed with me thorugh many episodes as yours has. So I did a lot of hard introspective work and I feel much more settled. It can take years. 

But, just try to separate him from the anxiety for a second. Would you feel that tinge about getting married to anyone else? Or is it just him? What within your life causes anxiety aside from him or marriage or is it just that? Try to think of it that way. Best of luck!!

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