Post # 1
So, I haven’t been to many bridal showers, and now I’m having to put together a guest list for my own… I could use some help.
Here are my questions:
1. FI is adamant that he doesn’t plan to go. I’m fine with him not coming, but some of his family (his aunts who are hosting, and his mom) are expecting him to come. Is it normal for the groom to be there?
I’ve personally never seen the groom at a bridal shower, so I have no idea if I should encourage him to go or not.
So, in your experience, should the groom attend?
2. Going through our wedding guest list, I’m including basically all the female guests who are family or close friends. However, FI has some extended family members who I’ve never met, and we’re really only inviting so that other closer family members won’t be offended.
I realize that inviting them means I have a better chance at getting more gifts, but I have NEVER met them.
If it were you, would you invite the people you don’t know for more presents, or leave them off the list?
Post # 3
1) This seems to be a cultural thing. I know I have some friends with different backgrounds where the groom is expected to show up for part of the shower. However, I have never attended a shower personally where the groom attended.
2) I didn’t invite people I didn’t know because it made me uncomfortable, but this is not uncommon. I think it’s up to you/the hosts, and what you think is best!
Post # 4
Unless it is a co-ed shower with all the men invited that go with the women, I have never seen the groom attend but have always seen him come for the end (maybe the last 30 minutes). He can say hi to everyone, maybe have a piece of cake and help load the cars up with the gifts.
The shower should be close family and bridal party and close friends. Distant relatives should not be invited for gifts.
Post # 5
1) Mine was ladies only
2) There were totally people I didn’t know, which was very awkward when I opened gifts and didn’t know who to look at. Awkward!!!
Post # 6
1. Where I’m from, unless its a Jack and Jill shower its ladies only. The groom normally comes towards the end to thank the guest for the gifts and help his soon to be wife pack everything up. This is what we’re planning to do.
2. You shouldn’t invite people just for the gifts anyway but no, I wouldn’t invite women who I hardly even know. We’re inviting all of the women that are invited to our wedding with the exception of FI’s co-workers wives (since I’ve never even met most of them) but we’re also not inviting any distant relatives to our wedding who we’re not close to.
Post # 7
I’m definitely no expert on this, but the way I figured it, it was up to the hostess(es) to decide who was/wasn’t invited since technically it’s a party that THEY are organizing(and likely paying for) Having said that, they asked for my input on who to invite and I told the hostess that she should invite whoever she wanted to. She said this meant there would be some guests on the in-law side that I probably have never met, as well as girlfriends/wives/fiancees of the groom’s family members. I said this was not a big deal (in the spirit of “your family is mine too now”)
Post # 8
Thanks Ladies! I appreciate the input a lot.
As far as situation #1 goes, I personally am used to ladies only showers, but I know they’re thinking he should be because his cousin’s husband came to hers. That being said, he hadn’t met the majority of the family, so he came to meet people.
As for the guest list, I was told by the hostesses that I am 100% in charge of the guest list, and that I wasn’t to worry about numbers at all. I was told to include everyone I wanted.
So, the issue is simply one of comfort- if I don’t know people, I don’t know if I will feel comfortable with them there. It would be different if FI were coming as well, but since he’s probably not, I think it could be awkward.
Not only that, but wouldn’t it be awkward for them too? I would feel weird going to a bridal shower for someone I hadn’t met, an I honestly might not even come if it were me.
Post # 9
I don’t think the groom needs to be there. Mine was, but that’s b/c I wanted him there and he didn’t mind, and other guys were invited too. I think tradition is that he doesn’t come, but people are less traditional now a days.
I invited people that I haven’t met on his side. I figured it would be better to meet them at a shower which is more intimate so I could get to know them a little bit before the wedding. And they’re important to his family so they’re important to me.
Post # 10
Yay! Showers are so exciting. I have 3 coming up soon 🙂 My FI is not coming to any of them, and has not been invited 🙂
If your FMIL expects your FI at the shower, but he does not want to attend, I suggest leaving it up to him to discuss this with his mother. I wouldn’t get in the middle.
I am going to have people I don’t know at my showers for two reasons:
1 – one shower is out of state, and I will be meeting wives of cousins that I have not met because I live far away. They are attending the shower mainly because they will not attend the wedding, and this is our celebration together.
2 – I have a weird family structure, and 1 family member is like a mother to me. She is hosting a shower for her female friends, and I have not met all of them. I am uncomfortable with this, but she has celebrated their kids weddings and her friends want to do the same for her. I’m letting it go and thinking of it more as a party to honor her as a sort-of-mother of the bride.
I think that it’s ok to have people you don’t know there, because it’s also about the family. Just my .02!
Post # 11
The bridal showers that I’ve attended have been all females
Post # 12
1) Unless its a couples shower (or Jack and Jill shower) then no, the groom does not attend. Honestly it would be extremely awkward for the groom to be there – he would feel sooo alone being the only male!!
2) I only invited DHs aunts (moms sisters and sisters in law) and my aunts and then my friends. I did not invite every female that was invited to the wedding.
Post # 13
Thanks for the additional suggestions, ladies!
I think I’m going to ask my FMIL how she feels about leaving the 2 people off the list I am considering not inviting.
The reason they’re even invited to the wedding at all is b/c they are her cousin’s daughters, (she’s very close to this cousin and I also like her a lot) and FMIL was worried she wouldn’t come to our Friday wedding if one of her daughters couldn’t drive her. I guess her husband never comes to stuff, and she wouldn’t want to drive over alone.
So, we added them very last minute, and in the almost 5 years that I’ve been dating FI, they’ve never come to any of the family reunions, so I’ve never met them.
My gut instinct is to leave them off the list, but I want to make sure FMIL isn’t going to be upset.
Post # 14
1. Where I’m from its considered rude if the groom doesn’t make an appearance at the end. He doesn’t stay for the whole time but he comes like 30 min before it ends to thank the guests and then take the gifts to the car.
2. We invite the family we are close with which includes just about everyone. Not because the bride wants more presents but b/c people would have issues if they weren’t invited.