(Closed) questions about priest “interview”

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

It’s been awhile, but the priest asked what marriage meant to us, why we wanted to get married in the Church, what our faith meant, how we planned to handle money, if we had our families’ support, you know, the big topics. It was fairly informal and took about an hour. He wrote down notes on our answers and told us he was recommending us for marriage and then we had to sign a form. We took the FOCCUS test, disucssed our results with him two days later, went on Engaged Encounter, discusses our ceremony, and that was it.

Post # 4
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is secondhand info as I’m not married yet & haven’t started the pre cana process but from what a friend says, it’s not like a job interview so don’t worry too much! I mean, she said they do ask about big topics but if you already met the priest & he is friendly, it will be more like a conversation about your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My fiance and I have met with our priest several times now and the questions have never been very prying or uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure he’ll ask if you two live together, our priest did, but probably not about being intimate. Our priest has never asked about that. The important thing is to always be honest. Priests have heard it all, so don’t be nervous. It’ll be fine. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Our priest had an actual questionaire we had to answer. We both had to answer seperately they were pretty staright forward. It did catch me offguard thought when he asked FI if he was impotent lol

Post # 7
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

our priest asked us if we ar eliving together, i said yes, then he said that he wouldnt let us do a mass unless we separate and confess.

Post # 8
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@phanatic: Oh, let me dig up an official document on the issue.  I believe there was something put out by USCCB that prevented not marrying a couple on the grounds of cohabitation. This is the exerpt from the Joseph Champlin guide that is usually given out as a guide on the issue:

“Instead, more and more dioceses envisioned the exchange between couple and clergy as a teachable and touchable moment. Recognizing that cohabitation is not an official impediment to marriage, those leaders encouraged a dialogue between the couple hoping to marry and the priest or deacon arranging the nuptial service.”

That said, you have to consider what “separating and confessing” means.  First, you should Confess before the Sacrament of Marriage if you’re Catholic.  That’s standard for everyone.  Second, when he says “seperate” I doubt he gave a time frame.  Usually you need to separate between the confession and the marriage.  So if you confess on Friday afternoon before the rehearsal, then sleep somewhere else on Friday night, then marry on Saturday, you’re fine.

 

Post # 9
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Also, remember that cohabitation is not a sin.  There are three reasons people oppose it in the Church:

1.  Cohabitation creates the sin of scandal.  Having sex before marriage is a sin.  People who live together are assumed to be having sex (i.e. “living in sin”) while not being married.  Thus, people who live together but aren’t married given the impression that they support pre-marital sex.  This is the basis for cohabitation as a sin (because it implies support for fornication which is a sin). 

2.  Cohabitation decreases the value of Marriage.  When you live together, then get married, then go home, nothing has really changed in your life other than the rings.  When  you don’t cohabitate then get married then move in together, it creates a “shock” because your life is suddenly and permanently changed in a radical way.  The idea is that the “shock” is beneficial in promoting the idea of life-long marriage.

3.  Cohabitation was morally wrong 50 years ago. Women that lived with a man out of wedlock were viewed as basically prostitutes and were looked down upon in society.  If you catch a particularly old person (say an old priest or your grandparents) they might still have this perception even though women are more empowered these days.  That’s where the prejudice comes from (and it’s not just a “Catholic Church” perception).  The same thing could be said for women wearing pants or men not wearing hats with formal attire.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

AHA!  Found it.

 

Denial of marriage — Since cohabitation is not in itself a canonical impediment to marriage, the couple may not be refused marriage solely on the basis of cohabitation. Marriage preparation may continue even if the couple refuses to separate. Pastoral ministers can be assured that to assist couples in regularizing their situation is not to approve of cohabitation.

http://www.usccb.org/laity/marriage/cohabiting.shtml

 

That comment is a guidance document from the USCCB but the comment about Denial of Marriage is written definiatively.  Don’t go to the priest and say “See, here’s proof.  Now marry us.” but realize that he can’t outright deny marriage based on cohabitation.  You can seek another priest or deacon if he is unwaivering in his opinion.


Post # 11
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Honestly, our interview as you call it was just like a demographics form.  It had no questions about us as a couple beyond what religion we were and what religion we intend on raising our kids.  You will be just fine!

Post # 12
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Thanks CoffeeHound! That is good knowledge to have, not just for this process but in general.

 

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