NWR-What? Brittany Murphy died?
more by His Barista
Dear Guestlist,
Anyone else spending the holidays separate?
more in Relationships
Bellenga's Grandparents
Cracking up right now....
more in Boards
Uh oh... but oh my gosh yay (sorry long!)

Questions to Discuss before you get Married.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  •  
    1.
    Hostess
    5,841 posts
    Bee Keeper
    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    I was just thinking about how FI has been trying to get in contact with our Pastor. Back in June at FSIL's wedding he said he would have some requirements before he would do our ceremony. I expected as much so I thought I'd at ook some of these tonight before we call him again tomorrow.  I want to be prepared! They're questions to deal with before you and your SO tie the knot. I was very surprised by some of them-I never would have thought to ask some of these questions! They really make you think, don't they?

     
    2.
    Member
    520 posts
    Busy bee
    Miss Lily    August 1, 2008   TX

    ROFL! "Are you willing to replace the toilet paper roll?" Sorry, WAY too funny!

     
    3.
    Hostess
    5,841 posts
    Bee Keeper
    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    FI and I found that hilarious, too.

     
    4.
    Hostess
    5,255 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Sulli301    June 26, 2010   Michigan

    @hisbarista this list is great :)

    I've looked at similar ones before but never this one...I'm showing my FH this list!!

     
    5.
    Member Icon
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    smy    September 18, 2010   Brooklyn, NY/ wedding in HHI, SC

    The toilet paper one really is hilarious....but mostly, I feel like these are things you should long since know the answer to by the time you decide to get married to someone! 

     
    6.
    Member
    1,050 posts
    Bumble bee
    Bamboo    June 2010   Midwest

    So I'm a psych student (undergrad)...take my comments as you want...

    So some of these are pretty straight forward (ie Have you hit someone before?) But some require lots of analyzing of one's attitudes and future behavior (Why do you want to get married? What values do you bring to marriage? ect....) And we just talked about how the attitude-behavior link is lower when people are asked to analyze why they think the way they do and how they will behave. This happens because we fixate on reasons for our attitudes that are the easiest to describe and understand, the ones that are most socially and personally acceptable and the easiest to recall and so on. So we can mislead ourselves and others. I wonder how helpful or consistent some of the ones that require you or your partner to analyze their attitude in depth. So we might think we are getting married primarily for love, but truly our attitude towards marriage might also include thoughts about financial stability, that its the "thing you do" or the "next step"...yada yada yada

    I don't know...just food for me thoughts...(I'm putting off studying for a final tom.)

     
    7.
    Hostess
    5,841 posts
    Bee Keeper
    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    Yeah, some of them should be long known, but a few of them really made me and FI think, which is why I found it interesting.

    @Bamboo-Some of that makes sense, but I think you lost me. Are you saying analysing is good or bad? lol.

     
    8.
    Member
    1,050 posts
    Bumble bee
    Bamboo    June 2010   Midwest

    Well, maybe. I think it depends? I think the reason they try to get partners to answer seperately is to cut down on how much we might change our analysis...but sometimes its hard to even be honest with ourselves about why we feel the way we do...or we might not even realize something matters.

     
    9.
    Hostess
    7,285 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    Gemstone    July 2011   Cincinnati

    Those are really interesting! I would hope that most of them would be covered before you even think about getting married, but some are specific and might not come up till after the wedding...

     
    10.
    Member Icon
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    Sharron04    April or May 2011  

    This is a really interesting list of questions. I am going to send them to my FI...I feel like some of the questions you should know before you even get serious with someone like...Do you have any children? What is your criminal history?...Those are things I asked on the first date...even though I have known my FI for over 5 years now...we have only been in a serious relationship for about 7 months...Also, I am a very straight forward person...A wrong answer to some of these questions would have had us back to friends status...

     
    11.
    Member
    2,267 posts
    Buzzing bee
    veganglam    January 5, 2013   Philadelphia; Wedding in NYC

    hmm. FI and i discussed ALL of these (even the toilet paper roll thing, ha!) at length before marriage, implicitly or explicity. yay, we pass the test. heh.

    to bamboo's point, i think the test shouldn't suggest that we sit down with that list and go through them one by one with our SO's, stating each question explicitly, but instead ensure that they all come up in conversations prior to marriage. so there's no report bias or whatever.  you want to have natural, thoughtful conversations about some of those things and just flat-out posing the questions to one another or asking each other those things in abstraction and forcing an answer won't give you that. (i feel like FI and i have successfully done that. damn, i have a good relationship. i'm so happy. :) hehe)

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    hisgoosiegirl 26
    Gemstone 23
    Beckster329 23
    MissBoPeep 21
    Rivendeler 20
    Mrs.KMM 17
    beargoose 17
    BetterSherm 16
    Rojocameo 16
    couawilou 15

    Relationships

    User Posts Today
    KatNYC2011 2
    MsMonkey 2
    NVACat 2
    aprose 1
    bookworm88 1
    KatyElle 1
    Spoonie 1
    MilksMom 1
    kat2014 1
    MrsElopement 1
    More