(Closed) Questions to Discuss before you get Married.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

ROFL! “Are you willing to replace the toilet paper roll?” Sorry, WAY too funny!

Post # 5
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@hisbarista this list is great 🙂

I’ve looked at similar ones before but never this one…I’m showing my FH this list!!

Post # 6
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The toilet paper one really is hilarious….but mostly, I feel like these are things you should long since know the answer to by the time you decide to get married to someone! 

Post # 7
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

So I’m a psych student (undergrad)…take my comments as you want…

So some of these are pretty straight forward (ie Have you hit someone before?) But some require lots of analyzing of one’s attitudes and future behavior (Why do you want to get married? What values do you bring to marriage? ect….) And we just talked about how the attitude-behavior link is lower when people are asked to analyze why they think the way they do and how they will behave. This happens because we fixate on reasons for our attitudes that are the easiest to describe and understand, the ones that are most socially and personally acceptable and the easiest to recall and so on. So we can mislead ourselves and others. I wonder how helpful or consistent some of the ones that require you or your partner to analyze their attitude in depth. So we might think we are getting married primarily for love, but truly our attitude towards marriage might also include thoughts about financial stability, that its the “thing you do” or the “next step”…yada yada yada

I don’t know…just food for me thoughts…(I’m putting off studying for a final tom.)

Post # 9
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well, maybe. I think it depends? I think the reason they try to get partners to answer seperately is to cut down on how much we might change our analysis…but sometimes its hard to even be honest with ourselves about why we feel the way we do…or we might not even realize something matters.

Post # 10
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Those are really interesting! I would hope that most of them would be covered before you even think about getting married, but some are specific and might not come up till after the wedding…

Post # 11
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

This is a really interesting list of questions. I am going to send them to my FI…I feel like some of the questions you should know before you even get serious with someone like…Do you have any children? What is your criminal history?…Those are things I asked on the first date…even though I have known my FI for over 5 years now…we have only been in a serious relationship for about 7 months…Also, I am a very straight forward person…A wrong answer to some of these questions would have had us back to friends status…

Post # 12
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

hmm. FI and i discussed ALL of these (even the toilet paper roll thing, ha!) at length before marriage, implicitly or explicity. yay, we pass the test. heh.

to bamboo’s point, i think the test shouldn’t suggest that we sit down with that list and go through them one by one with our SO’s, stating each question explicitly, but instead ensure that they all come up in conversations prior to marriage. so there’s no report bias or whatever.  you want to have natural, thoughtful conversations about some of those things and just flat-out posing the questions to one another or asking each other those things in abstraction and forcing an answer won’t give you that. (i feel like FI and i have successfully done that. damn, i have a good relationship. i’m so happy. 🙂 hehe)

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