Post # 1
I haven’t posted in a while so I thought I’d drop a line.
I got so tired of waiting I think my mind moved onto a different probelm: the faults of my SO. I’m starting to question the relationship and whether or not I should be in it.
Have any of you other bees felt that way???
Post # 3
I checked your other posts but I never saw how long you’ve dated your SO? Last time you updated you said you guys had a mature discussion about a timeline– how did that go– did he keep to it? What was his timeline?
Post # 4
HOw long have you been together ? (dating / living ) also how long have you been feeling this way ?
I believe it’s normal to feel this way sometimes. I went though it too. It’s part of love/ relationship. We’re not always on cloud nine. There are moments when we have to work on the relationship and this sounds like the moment you are having (just by the way you wrote what you are feeling).
There was an old could that was interviewed, they were happily married for 65 Years. They were asked about the secret to their long relationship and how they stayed happy. They said that they never fell out of love at the same time.
And it’s true sometimes that some days we tend to kinda feel a bit distant, but we come back to that “I’m so happy to have you in my life” feeling.
Waiting can create resentment to the partner and it’s important to stop focusing on the negative and look for the positive, that is if you feel that you want to work towards being together.
Relationships are never easy but if you trully love someone and are meant to be together, you will find a way and work through it 🙂
Post # 5
I think questioning a relationship can be healthy– you’re either going to realize “yes, I know his faults and I love him anyway” or “wait, what am I doing with my life?”
If you’re realizing that your SO doesn’t prioritize money like you want, doesn’t follow through with his promises, doesn’t have the same views on marriage, and takes your for granted… I don’t think it’s just briefly falling out of love? I think those realizations come with trials of relationships and you aren’t going to realize those incompatibilities until you’re in the middle of the experience.
Sure, I think if you bring it up to him, seek counseling, and work throught things then you could get back on track, but I also only think a person gets so many chances to mess things up before I move on to someone who will treat me right.
Post # 6
I think asking those questions is TOTALLY healthy. Dating isn’t all about romance, it’s figuring out if you can live with someone. As to how to figure it out, a lot of it depends on what the flaws are, ie are we talking about dirty socks on the floor type flaws, or not trustworthy type flaws? Or something in between? And then it depends on how you address them – if it’s a big deal for you, have you told him, and is it willing to work on it?
But what you’re going through is totally normal.
Post # 7
wow, this is totally me. I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday. I think for a little while I started to see all my SO’s faults too. Anything he said or did that I didn’t like I’d say to myself “Do I want this forever?” I would get irritable about every little thing because I was thinking like this. I think I just started to freak myself out, but it made us bicker more than usual. I think I am just now getting passed that, especially because I’ve seen how my SO doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I think part of my problem is I wasn’t sure how committed he was, and that bothered me. But now I see he really does want this forever. I definitely feel that I can accept him as is and I still love him very much. Like I said I’m just now getting over that little hump, so it’s still a little hard on me, but it’s definitely making me realize alot about myself, him, and our relationship. I think like the other girls said, it’s healthy to think about that. Life is not like the movies all the time, which is hard for me to say because I am a total hopeless romantic. Either way, I hope things work out for the best for you 🙂
Post # 8
YESSS…. if you are anything like me… It stems from the anger you have toward him for waiting.
Why won’t he ask, is he STILL not sure about me?
Then EACH and EVERY disagreement turns into you second guessing why your even with him.
Point being those questions are normal. If you pick out every detail that you don’t like about him you’ll drive yourself crazy…. Just remember why you love him.
Post # 9
@missjuli: I’ve felt that way; like I’m not sure if I want to be with him. My SO kinda needs things a certain way cos he has so many allergies/intolerences so he can’t eat out in restaurants, if we go on holiday it has to be self-catering (which doesn’t seem like an actual hol to me cos it’s just like at home), he has asthma so struggles to be in certain places or people’s houses and sometimes I feel like I’m always doing what he needs/wants.
I think it’s natural to have some doubts but it’s important to look at the bigger picture so you don’t throw away a great thing – for example, my SO is sweet, funny, caring, and generous so defo more positives 🙂
Post # 10
@Kate0558: Very well said 🙂
Post # 11
Sorry I never responded. I’ve been so spotty with the board. It makes it harder sometimes but I appreciate the support and very thoughtful responses.
@bookworm88: and @Lulume: We’ve been together a year and a half. Last August we set a timeline- 12 months. I went about making decisions including that timeline in my decision making. He didn’t stick to it because, well, August is 4 months away and I still don’t have a ring. And yeah, it’s momentary. I guess I kinda was on that trip for a couple weeks. I’m off it now and back to being impatient.
I had a talk with him this weekend (I’ll spare you the details) and aired all of my concerns/complaints/woes and we worked through them. Even though I know it’s not perfect, I’m at a better place just knowing that we can take the time to ask questions and understand eachother better.
To everyone else, thanks for affirming that I’m normal! Hahaha!