Quite a nerve–kid at our tiny wedding.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That is beyond rude. I simply do not understand these narcasitic parents. 

Post # 3
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Their kid may be really hard to handle and they may feel uncomfortable leaving him/her with a sitter for so many hours. No, it’s not OK to bring a difficult kid to an adults only wedding ceremony or reception, but these people are family and are coming to the wedding from ovearseas… You should feel fine sticking to your guns about the even being adults only, but I don’t think your FI’s cousin is necessarily rude. He’s probably just trying to solve a problem that has nothing to do with you guys.

Post # 4
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

Cordellia: if he pushes again, just uninvite them. People need to learn their freakin children are not special to anyone but themselves and they don’t get special treatment. 

Plus if your FI hasn’t seen him in 15 years, why bother?

Post # 6
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ohnatto:  The part about being a flower girl is the rude part, extremely so. It’s the equivalent of asking if you can be a bridesmaid! Asking if she can just come to the ceremony was forward but not 100% rude, but you should still stick to your guns OP. 

Post # 7
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yeah, I mean, I could excuse them for asking to bring her because people get confused over that…  But sking her to be the flowergirl was a bit much.

Post # 8
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OP, if it helps any, it could be that if he’s from Europe (didn’t know what you meant by “overseas”), children tend to be more of a fixture in weddings over there, so he doesn’t quite understand the formality of an American wedding. Or he’s just desperate for some reason. And he’s a guy, and although I don’t want to ascribe rudeness to all men, wellll…let’s just say it doesn’t shock me that he offered her up as a flower girl–he probably thinks of it as a straightforward solution, not a faux pas. 

Either way, are you or your FI close enough to ask him what the problem is? It seems awfully strange that a parent would want their child at the ceremony but not the reception, especially if babysitting were provided and at the same location…Or just politely tell him that it’s pretty cruel to make a child sit through a ceremony (especially if they’re being left out of the party afterwards)! Most wedding ceremonies are not exactly the high-point for kids…

Post # 10
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

That is my worst nightmare! I think he was definitely rude and I would be stern with him and explain that it would be extremely awkward for them and everyone else there, not to mention boring, for their child to be the ONLY child at the wedding. It will truly take away from the elegant evening you have planned. Just curious, how do you have an “adult only” wedding without stating it on invites? I am just asking because I am curious how I will handle this for my 40 person elegant evening wedding. Most of the people we know who even have small kids have toddlers or new borns and they best not think to bring them! 

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Cordellia:  Thanks for the website idea. I think that is the best way to go and the few people I feel comfortable telling in person hopefully will understand. It isn’t that I hate kids, but I just feel like it would genuinely ruin my vision of my wonderful evening wedding lol and I am sure that is how a lot of people feel. I know I went to a wedding last March and granted there were 200 people there, my fiance and I got sat at the one table full of kids! Their parents legit dropped them at the table once we were already there and ate somewhere else the whole evening! We were the youngest couple there and some of the only people without kids so it was really ironic that we got stuck with kids we had nothing in common with. It ruined our evening. They didn’t have seating charts and everyone else at other tables kept “saving” spots so we couldn’t move. 

Post # 13
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Cordellia:  Childfree weddings aren’t hugely popular here in Australia. I went to 8 weddings last year and only 1 requested no children. So it could be a cultural thing. It could also be the fact that they are spending around $6K or more to fly to your wedding and really feel unsure about leaving their child with a stranger in a foreign country. Just trying to give you some understanding of what they might be feeling.

But it is rude of them to ask but getting bent out of shape because someone asks a question is an overaction to me. If it was someone who lived down the street from you I would agree that it is extremely rude but these guests are coming thousands of miles and spending thousands of dollars to attend your wedding. Just stay strong and calm and say that the event is adults only. Then the guest can decide whether they are comfortable enough to come to your wedding without their daughter.

Post # 14
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

Cordellia:  It’s not that bad. Just say no in a polite but firm way and that should hopefully be the end of it.

Post # 15
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Cordellia:  how rude! I would definately not allow this. Who’s to say the parents won’t just say “Oh well, she’s here. She may as well stay for the reception too..” I honestly couldn’t fathom asking this of you, especially after you’ve stated no kids..

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