Quitting job due to stress. FI is mad and doesn't understand.

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry your FI isn’t being supportive! Can you find a new, less-stressful job before you quit?

Post # 4
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

It sounds to me like his real worry is actually your inability to work when a job is stressful. Maybe he’s not comfortable with supporting you in the future when you decide you can’t work because the job gives you anxiety. I’d at least try to line something else up before you quit.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Anonymous_Bee20:  It sounds to me like he doesn’t quite understand how serious your anxiety is and he might just want a game plan in place for when you will be returning to the workforce (in a different job obviously).  He may not be comfortable being the sole breadwinner.  I think a conversation with him about his expectations and your expectations regarding work and bills (now, in 5 years, when/if you have kids, etc…) would be a really good idea.  At the very least you should both be on the same page afterwards.

Post # 7
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

It’s the holidays — it shouldn’t be hard to find something just part time and seasonal that won’t be nearly as much stress for you, but your fiance needs to lay off. Money as important as health? To hell with that notion.

Post # 9
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Itd be one thing if this was a high paying job that you all depended on- but a shitty part time job that makes you miserable and you guys dont need?? Screw that!

Honestly I think it’s kind of a jerk move to split 50/50 to begin with when he makes so much more than you- but thats up to the two of you.

Post # 10
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Anonymous_Bee20:  your FI sounds like my sister’s FI.  He insists on splitting things 50/50 even though she is currently in school, on financial aid and doing a few photography jobs on the side (she was laid off while she was on mat leave).

Does your FI know how little money you have?  Does he know what the household bills actually are?  My FH has these grand ideas what he should be able to save and what things should cost – with zero grasp on reality (he thought that we could do groceries, for 2 of us, for $50 a week and that the fridge would be stocked just like his mom’s….)

Post # 11
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with the other poster, it sounds more like he’s worried about your ability to function in a stressful environment. That can creep into outside work territory, too, and so I can see and understand his fear.

Post # 12
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Anonymous_Bee20:  He always tells me it’s in my head and that I’m crazy.

What an ass.  I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was 8 years old.  It’s worse when I am stressed and absolutely real.  If he doesn’t understand your anxiety then you really need to help him understand it before getting married to him. He needs to accept that anxiety is a real disorder and that your kids may also suffer from it should you have any.

My ex husband did not understand my anxiety which led to a lot of hurt feelings and me hiding from him in closets when I was having a panic attack.  My current husband identifies my behavior and knows when I’m going to have them so he stays close so he can talk me through them.  As a result, the number of panic attacks that I have has decreased significantly and the ones I do have last less time than they used to.  Having an understanding and supportive partner has made a huge difference.  I hope your FI can learn to be a little more understanding of your anxiety.

Post # 13
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

@Anonymous_Bee20:  Your health is important, but so is being able to cope in a stressful work environment. Also, you’re working towards your degree so you can be a SAHM? I don’t understand. What if being home with the kids 24/7 gives you anxiety and you can’t handle it? How is he going to support a family on one income because you could potentially be unable to handle work stress?

I’m just trying to give you another perspective. I think you can love and sympathize with your partner, but love doesn’t pay the bills. 

Post # 14
Member
3006 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If a 17 hr week, min wage job is making you that sick AND you have a home based business that brings in more $ anyhow, what’s the point of sticking around that min wage job? I’d be gone in a heartbeat. Plus, the boss makes you do unethical things? There’s better things out there than that.

 

Is you FI worried that you won’t be able to pull your weight financially? It seems pretty dick to split things 50/50 when he makes enough to support the 2 of you. And him telling you it’s in your head and that you’re crazy. Wow, this guy sounds like a real gem! He needs to see things a little bit more clearly from your perspective.

 

Post # 15
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I insist on splitting everything half and half with my FI, so I think it’s good that you and your FI do the same. At the end of the day, heaven forbid something should go wrong, and I should have to support myself, I know that I can be independent. It also means that I can enjoy what’s left of my money without feeling like I owe anything to him. He earns double what I earn, but he works super hard, just like me, and I don’t see why I should demand he pay more, when he has worked so hard into his position. He deserves to use his money as he likes, and it’s great that he’s doing so well, especially as when we first met we both working in fast food, and now he’s got high profile office work, and I’m working in a school, and saving for a Masters degree. I’m sure he cares a great deal about your health, and no, money is not of equal worth but regardless, it is essential, and if you leave your role, and become even more unwell, your FI could have to support you for rent and bills and medically.

Post # 16
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Anonymous_Bee20:  If my FI quit his job before having a new one lined up I’d be annoyed because it would be like he’s assuming I’d just pay for everything in our lives. Maybe that’s how your FI feels?

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