R U Having to Deal with this TOO? GUEST U DONT WANT THERE

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You said “just send my your address” and that’s what he did.

What’s the problem?

Post # 4
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BrideToBe14:  If it were me, I wouldn’t send anything. We are really trying to keep our guestlist modest because each additional person will end up being a good chunk of change at an already expensive venue. Don’t let them guilt trip you! I think it’s pretty rude that they assume they are getting an invitation. 

Post # 5
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CakeyP:  +1 I’m confused by what the problem is here.

Post # 7
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CakeyP:  I thought I was the only one missing something. What are they supposed to say? If you already know you aren’t close with them I doubt they are excited and they may decline (which is a good thing?).

Post # 8
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I never understand why people feel it’s ok to mention that they’d “really like to come” or “hope they’re invited.” Do they not know how freaking awkward that is?! People have been doing it to FMIL and she is having the hardest time keeping her list down as it is. I’ve gotten pretty good at brushing it off and being honest, but it still feels crappy.

That said, I think you’re kinda stuck at this point. You can’t really take back an invitation, even if it was given out of guilt anyway. Best thing to do is just swallow your pride (and annoyance) and hope they don’t come. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters on your wedding day is that you had a good time and are MARRIED. You likely won’t know one way or another that they are even there.

Post # 9
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BrideToBe14:  Well, then you should have done something other than asked for their address.  They gave you a polite response to your question.

Post # 10
Member
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m not sure why you want people to thank you for inviting them to your event.  They want to be there because they feel a connection to you, and as the hostess, you should be thanking them for wanting/being there.

PS– If you really don’t want them there, or can’t make it work, so be it.  They’re alllowed to get upset; you can only control how you feel and react, not anyone else.  Put your energy into something else, trust me.

Post # 11
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@BrideToBe14:  sense you said you were going to I would go ahead and send them one, but let family know that it is just not possible to invite every single person you know to the wedding, it simply cant be done for space and financial reasons….thats what we are doing, granted right now our guest list stands at 120, BUT that is 80% immediate family (his family is humongus and super close), so we have had to let a few people know that even though we would love them there it just cant happen….we have had to get really strict with families too, and just tell them that unless they are going to pay the difference and help make accomodations for everyone it just cant be done, he had an aunt who threw and honest to god FIT with FFIL, because we werent and still arent going to invite his like 4th cousin and his gf and thier 4 kids to the wedding, whom a.) he hasnt seen said guest in ohh ya 20 years never met the girlfriend or the kids, and b.) they dont even really know each other, and when said cousin was asked about it….he had no idea he was “crushed” he wasnt invited, or that we were even getting married in the first place (the aunts husband asked on the phone)….

just stand strong with it….for some reason everyone thinks that when it comes to a wedding, everyone and thier dog, including family youve never met, and apparently the kid who threw rocks at you in pre-school and havent heard from since until a year ago should be invited, and dont forget sally down the streets, 12th cousin 8 times removeds, brothers, girlfriends nephews goldfish….(hahahaha i kid but seriously thats what it seems were getting when people resquest and demand we invite people who we frankly dont even know!)

Post # 12
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

@BrideToBe14:  If you don’t want them there then why are you inviting them? 

So long as you are following general etiquette (ie inviting in circles) why would you invite them?  My rule of thumb was simple…is this someone I would take out for a nice dinner if it wasn’t a ‘wedding’?  If the answer was no, then they didn’t get an invite.  Would you spend $200 on this person normally? Why would you do it now?

It made it very easy to say to people we were keeping the guest list small when infact we were keeping the guest list small.

If you don’t want them (and etiquette doesn’t dictate that you should) don’t invite them it’s that simple.

 

Post # 14
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I didn’t invite anyone I didn’t want to invite.  I just didn’t talk to those people or tell them anything about the wedding.  

Post # 15
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@CakeyP:  +1

@OldMrsMcDonald:  +1

If someone asked me for my address, I would give it to them without any real fluff. You’re the host, you should thank them for wanting to share this special day with you! 

If you don’t want someone there, you shouldn’t invite them and than expect them to thank you profusely. I know guilt trips are a bummer, but no one should be expecting an invite to your wedding in the first place. I always feel honored to be invited to a wedding, even if it’s someone I’m close to because everyone has a different vision and financial situation. 

Post # 16
Member
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@BrideToBe14:  I don’t know, I had a small wedding and didn’t invite anyone who didn’t want to genuinely be there.  If you think they’re just there to be freeloaders, then don’t invite them.  It’s not the end of the world for you or them, and I’m sure you’d rather focus your time elsewhere at this point.

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