Race to the Starting Line: Peace in Pre-Engagement

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is wonderful. And exactly what I needed right now. Thank you for posting! It’s so easy to forget that life isn’t a race when you feel like everyone around you is making steps to move forward, while your relationship is standing still. I am very much working on trying to be happy in the pre-engagement stage, while not letting the bad feelings take over. Again, this is exactly what I needed to read today, thanks a bunch!

Post # 5
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

this is a great post, even though im engaged the stresses of having the perfect wedding and spending all of that money was so overwhelming that we scrapped all of our plans and now we are doing a cruise wedding. feels like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. we both feel free and not trying to please everyone. anyone thats important will be there and thats all that matters

Post # 6
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@MsAloe:  love that analogy. You know who has embraced that concept?? My SO. lol While people around us are engaged after only knowing each other for 9 months, and we’ve been dating for 8 years and 9 months, he hasnt let it phase him one bit!! I know the way we are doing it, is the right way for us. I am happy for anyone around me who has found love the way I have. And just because they’ll get married before me, doesnt make their relationship better or worse than mine!! Thanks for the lovely peptalk!!

Post # 7
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MsAloe:  That was a long read but it bumped me back into reality. It was worth it.

I am now starting to appreciate this stage because our next step is to plan the wedding, honeymoon, and to move in together. That sounds as if it would be a lot of headache. Right now is enjoy-each-other time.

Post # 7
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I feel foolish stressing when our one year “anniversary” (of the day we met) is not until next week. He said I would be his wife the day we met. He talked a lot about marriage in the beginning of our relationship. I moved in at three months in, due to a situation with my house. It was not planned, but it’s worked out. With the holidays coming up, I am anxious hoping that I will get a proposal. His family has all asked him when we are getting married and he said we have not picked a date but it will happen, but we don’t talk about it. His mother and his father talk about it. His mom told me to interject it into convo and I did try recently but he was rather quiet about it. I said something related to what type of wedding would he like to have and trew some ideas out there. He just said “what do you mean a destination wedding, like go to another country?” and that was the end of that. I feel rather foolish stressing for a proposal after year one when you gals have been waiting for years.

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

It’s funny how different things are depending on where you live also.

I’m in Ireland and the “norm” over here now is that couples are together a good few years before getting engaged and usually buy a house and live together before they get married.

Rarely would the groom to be buy the ring before he pops the question, it usually is chosen by both after they get engaged.

The average wedding costs 20k (euro) as we all do a “cash bar” and the only drinks covered for guests are a reception drink, wine on the table and one round to toast the couple (Usually bought by the brides parents). A 20k wedding would be considered a pretty big wedding.

Most couples pay for the wedding themselves with a little help from parents but often not. Over here if a couple get engaged after a year or before they’re about 25 people think they’re a bit mad or pregnant lol.

So it just goes to show how much pressure there is from society too, depending on what is perceived as the “norm” where you live.

 

Post # 9
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

This is actually my favorite post I’ve ever read on these boards. Thank you. You’re so right. I feel the same way not only with wedding/engagement stuff, but taking longer to graduate college than most (another long story).

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