- 9 years ago
Hello Hive! I never said hello since joining yet. I’m not engaged for a few reasons (the biggest reason will be elaborated in this post) and don’t expect to be for at least two years. I have a rather unhealthy obsession with weddings and I’ve been lurking for 3 months now. I couldn’t resist the urge to comment and rather not wait two years to register. I’m not engaged because I’m still in school, I want a steady job with a steady income before being engaged, and my parents also play a huge role in my lack of a marital status. I apologize in advance if I don’t make sense due to my rambling.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2.5 years. My parents don’t know about him and I don’t know when they’ll even know. He is Dominican and I am Vietnamese, but we’re both Catholic (not religious though). I am very Americanized (born here as well) and I’m not necessarily tied to my culture. In fact, I am in love with his culture. He moved to the U.S. when he was 15 with his dead-beat father, older brother, and older sister. He was supposed to move back after high school, but then he met me. I never expected to meet “the one.” I used to be afraid of long-term commitment. He’s the only one I can imagine a future with. My parents and other Vietnamese people that I know (I’m not saying all) tend to be very traditional. I can honestly say that my mom is racist against blacks or dark-skinned people in general if it means bringing them into the family. With him being Dominican, he has African blood in him and has a milk chocolate brown color. If you were to look at him, you would think he was African American. She would prefer me to be with a Caucasian or an Asian.
My mom’s racism annoys me and I find her very frustrating. We don’t have very similar beliefs in almost anything. She is also very judgmental. He’s not African American, but the color of his skin will be all she sees. She won’t bother to get to know him for the amazing and respectful guy that he is. She told my aunt, who also has racism issues that if any of her (my mom) children married a black person, she would go to the other side of the country to hide from shame… My argument to my aunt was, “What if I dated an Asian guy that abused be emotionally and physically?” She didn’t know what to say after I asked that. That comment irritated me so much that I called my boyfriend and told him what she said. He’s very understanding and told me that it was okay. He’s willing to put up with anything for me. However, I’m not okay with it. It’s just so unfair to him to have to deal with horrible things like this. I really don’t know how much longer I can put up with her beliefs. I can’t even imagine how she’ll react to our relationship or a prospect of an engagement… It’ll be hard, I know, but I know he’s worth it.
My mom’s racism is based off stereotypes. She’s not open-minded and expects the world to run her way. If she could, she would control me completely to create the life that she wanted. She pushed me to work hard in high school and college. She wanted me to major in something I could not stand because it “makes a lot of money.” Of course, I make my own decisions.
I met his mom and she’s very sweet. She approves of me and loves the fact that we are interracial. I wish my mom could be as accepting as her. My best friend’s family (Vietnamese) are also very accepting, and it’s just not fair… I wish my mom could see things my way. Honestly, the fact that he makes me happy will not overcome her racial tendencies.
Has anyone gone through with something similar to this? Is it even possible to overcome?