(Closed) Racist Fiance

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you are going through this. 🙁 it’s horrible when you find out someone you love isn’t who you thought they were. I applaud you for sticking true to your values and not tolerating racism even though it meant ending your relationship. Hugs! You will get through this!

Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I know it’s hard right now but know you did the right thing. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in when you know the consequences can change things. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. It will get better! I know this probably means nothing coming from a total stranger, but I am really proud of you. The world could use more people who stand up for what’s right and just.

Post # 5
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

wow!   Good for you!!!!!   that takes alot of courage but it’s better it happened now.  

 

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’ve posted this three times in the last hour, OP (on a new account, those are your only posts)…the guy sounds awful, and I’m sorry you had to find out that way. But people have responded on your other threads, not sure if you’re having problems/glitches with the site or just don’t realize that…if you click on your username you can go back to your other threads and see the support you’ve already gotten.

Post # 7
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry that it ended up being that way… and I know you’re going through a hard time.

But that was very brave of you and you should be proud of yourself. I think that you did the right thing. Personally I believe that if someone can’t show no respect to a whole group of people that they have never met, then how can they truly respect me? And it sounds like he didn’t. Besides the racism – he disrespected you by the way he talked about people you consider to be friends.

Stay strong, and I’m sorry that you are having to go through this. =(

Post # 9
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@whippetsfly:  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  There’s no easy way to handle a situation in which someone you thought you knew turns out to be very different (and not in a good way).

I know you said that he was actually the one who officially ended the relationship, but it sounds as though you already ended it in your heart and mind after such an ugly discussion.  That takes a lot of strength, and I think it’s wonderful that you were able to stand up for what you know is right.  More people need to do this!

Post # 10
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry to hear about this. I’m pretty floored he could hide something like that for so long.

Post # 11
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow, that is heartbreaking on several different levels. I’m sorry that you had to find out something so dark about the man you loved so deeply, and happy that you stayed true to your beliefs and values despite his own. It is a very disheartening thing that there are still many, many people in this world that cannot accept that every human being is just that, a human being. I wish you the best.

Post # 12
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh that’s horrible… I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this.  You sound very courageous, though, and I hope things get better soon.

Post # 13
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Why did he end it? Because you have AA friends?

So sorry you are gointhrough this but you are a strong brave woman and good things will come to you. 

Post # 14
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry that this happened to you! But, I also feel like when there is such a huge point that partners disagree upon (whether it be a race issue or something else) that breaking it off is for the best.

I hope things get better for you soon!

Post # 15
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@whippetsfly:  Your story really reminds me of the scene in the book The Help, when (spoiler alert) Stuart takes back his engagement ring from Skeeter after finding out she’s secretly writing a book about what it’s like to be a coloured maid in Mississippi. Skeeter goes off to New York in the end after getting her dream job offer, and leaves all of the small minds on Jackson behind her.

It takes a lot of courage to do the right thing and accept that no matter how much you love a person, standing by your values is more imortant. Racism can be a big part of somebody and it’s better that you surround yourself with people who know how to love and respect than constantly be embarrassed by your husband’s ignorance. 

And statistically speaking, you’re bound to find at least one other person who makes you happy. Think of how many people there are on the world. Hundreds or maybe even thousands of them are compatible with you and I’m sure that some that some of them even speak the same language and might not be as far away as they seem now. 

Post # 16
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

you are so strong and wise! 

Thank you for being an advocate for humanity. 

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