Post # 1
My fiance and I checked out a beautiful venue last night. It is an old inn built in the 1740s, with a garden out back. We would have a garden ceremony and eat brunch under a pergola, weather permitting. My parents have offered to pay for my wedding – my FI and are are still living paycheck to paycheck, so we would have eloped otherwise. When I crunched the numbers for a wedding at the inn, I am coming to a total of $10,000 for 40 people. That includes everything – rings, honeymoon, attire, booking the inn for 2 nights ( a requirement for a wedding there), etc. I live in southern CT, so weddings aren’t exactly cheap here; most venues are 90++ per person. But I am feeling really guilty over the thought of spending $10k on one day. It’s a beautiful place, and I want the wedding to feel special, which I think it will be if we have the inn to ourself, stay there the night before, etc. Our alternative would be to have the ceremony in a local park and a restaurant reception, which we could do for about 6-7 k. But I am worried that won’t “feel” as special because we will be sleeping in our beds, getting ready at my parent’s house, eating in a local restaurant in my hometown, etc. My mom says we only get married once, and my FI says if they offered us the money (and I know they wouldn’t offer if they truly could not afford it) we should use it.
Any advice? Words of wisdom?
Post # 3
@Karenina: I know I would be feeling the same way, but they have offered and can afford to offer, so just do what you have to do to make it feel special for you. There’s no point them spending 6-7k and you not feeling like it’s a “proper” wedding; they might as well pay the full whack and it will be the perfect day.
Post # 4
I felt bad when my mom offered me $80000 for my wedding. That’s a lt of money we could put towards a down payment. She said I’d still have the money for a down payment. I only get married once (I think) and it’s being offered to me. It’s their party as much as it is mine. so just say thank you and realize $10000 isn’t crazy as long as they can afford it.
Post # 5
I look at it as bing one of the few times in my life I’ll really have a good excuse to throw a great big shindig party. Yes, big weddings have a big price tag. Yes, you could slash the budget with a more modest event. But when are you going to get an opportunity like this again?
Post # 6
@Karenina: You guys should do what you feel most comfortable with. Talk it over again with FI and really work together to figure things out. Your parents are willing and able to help you guys out – so if you do decide to accept the money don’t feel guilty for doing so. Your mom is right when she said you guys will only have one wedding. 🙂
And just out of curiosity, what was the name of the Inn you looked at? I’m in CT too and I’m attempting to come up with a list of places to look at in the spring.
Post # 7
@LoggerHead91207: It is the CT River Valley Inn in Glastonbury. Beautiful and the owners are really nice, too.
Post # 8
@Karenina: It’s not that much the location that will make it special. It’s the fact that you’re getting married that will make the wedding special no matter where it is.
I think I would probably feel a bit bad and not take that expensive option especially as the other one sounds nice as well. You could add “specialty” by also taking a hotel for the night before, that’ll be like 300$ more as opposed to 3,000$ 😉
Why don’t you go through the options with your mum (without pointing out just how much you love this one venue the whole time ;)) and see how she reacts / what she feels. If she tells you to go ahead with the inn as she finds it so beautiful, etc., then do it.
Post # 9
I had the same feelings of guilt a few months ago. It got so bad that i couldn’t even think about the wedding without feeling sick. I talked with my mom about it and she reassured me that she wanted the wedding and was more than happy to pay the costs. I had to let go of the guilt and just accept that this was a special day, not only for myself & my FI, but for my parents and other family members. I’m paying for half of the wedding so I also feel better knowing that I’m taking on the things that I want and not having my parents pay for “unnecessary costs” (although I think everything except the marriage license could be considered unnecessary).
Post # 10
@Karenina: for what you are describing, the cost seems pretty reasonable for the ceremony and celebration. You can barely buy a new car for that price.. And some people pay that amount for the engagement ring. If your parents are offering, accept it… They are doing it because they love you and have the ability to do so. I wish my parents/ family could help and I’m sure others wish that as well, but that’s Life! Take the gifts!
Post # 11
At first I thought holy crap, that’s $250 a person! Way too much. But then you said that included everything including honeymoon, rings, and the 2 night stay at the place?
Honestly, I know it’s just 40 people but sounds like a deal to me! Part of that ten thousand is your honeymoon, room rental and rings, so it’s not like you are spending 10 grand just on the venue itself. The money’s going to everything. I dunno, I don’t think it’s that much considering the details.
Get your dream location. Venue was a big deal to me, though (we splurged on ours), so maybe I’m being biased. But I feel as if the venue sets the tone and mood of a wedding.
Post # 12
I hate to ask but… is it possible to have a more private ceremony? Can you cut down the guest list to just your parents, brothers and sisters? Can you have a giant party the following weekend somewhere cool and have more people there? Maybe its just me bot $10,000 sounds to high for that many people.
Post # 13
@Karenina: 10k for a wedding including accomodations, rings and honeymoon??? that is great for southern CT! Your parents are probably thrilled that you have such a small guest list!
Post # 14
Yeah, I know it sounds high to some, but I don’t think people often include those “extras.” I did some finagling with the owners, and it looks like total costs will be closer to 8500. When you take away the honeymoon, rings, and room accomodations, the wedding itself comes to about 6,000. Which I suppose isn’t so bad.
And yeah, CT is expensive! So for those wondering how a 40-person wedding adds up so fast, check out this breakdown
1,020- cost to rent inn for one night (basically venue rental cost)
975- inn’s ceremony package including officiant, cake, toast, flowers, and music
240- rental of tables and chairs
2200- food, servers, alcohol, and rental of glassware/utensils/plates etc.
300 – extra time for duration of inn
825- dress, alterations, shoes, veil, etc. – all attire
600 – rings
100 – invites
1,000 – honeymoon
When you break it down, I feel like all of my costs are pretty reasonable. They just add up really quickly!
Post # 15
I think you’re budget looks very reasonable. Talk to your parents. Make sure they can really afford it. And that you’ll be able to agree on the basic wedding plans. If it works out, then go for it and don’t feel guilty. Look at it as an investment in your memories/marriage/family.
Post # 16
Personally I don’t think it should be on your parents to pay for your rings and honeymoon. I don’t have a problem with the cost of the other things. I was happy to pay for my daughters wedding, but it was up to her and her now husband to pay for the rings and honeymoon.