Rackin' my brain to figure out what to do. Need advice.

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Be honest with him. You need to be able to talk to him about the subject without it hurting his feelings. I usually always start with saying something like ‘I’m not complaining about YOU because you are amazing in bed but (this) might help me get there better/faster.’

Unless you are just going to take care of it yourself without him then you pretty much have to talk to him about it. Figure out what will liven it up for you and see what he is willing to work with.

Post # 4
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Tell him that.

Post # 5
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know if it were me I’d want my partner to be honest with you, even if it meant telling me he was bored rather than faking it. What happens if you talk to him and he says, “yeah, but you’ve been orgasming so it must feel good?”

I would just tell him how you feel or bring toys into bed with you as a surprise. He will be so in the moment and may not care.

Post # 6
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Speak up. Faking it doesn’t do anyone any good. Your DH needs to be willing to compromise in the bedroom.

Post # 8
4 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

@figgnewton:  Hmmm. Personally, I would be straightforward and let him know in a nice way that you would like to spice things up. If he “can’t last” in the other positions perhaps using condoms would help? Another option is to have lots of foreplay, where he focuses on you that might help you reach the big “O” first and then take care of his needs after.


Post # 10
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@figgnewton:  hum… That’s a tricky question because the last thing u need is to hurt his feelings.

I would sugest for you guys to try new positions, doesn’t matter if he can’t last… you play a little and then when it’s “time” you guys stop a little so he can “rest” and then go back again. 😛 Try some fantasy, dress up, or sugest something kinckier. Have him know that you want to try new things and explore your sexuality in order to reach the “O” faster/better.

Don’t let the “I can’t last talk” put you down… he will learn to control himself better if he tries new things too. good luck.


Post # 11
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I know you said he won’t try toys, but you should really find a way to incorporate a vibrator.  I’m telling you, it will change your life Wink

Post # 12
1443 posts
Bumble bee

@figgnewton:  Is there a reason he won’t try toys?  We’ve tried two different ones and DH mentioned that it felt like both made him last longer…

I agree with PP’s that faking it isn’t helping either of you.  You’re not satisifed and he thinks whatever he’s doing is working.  Not fun. 

Post # 13
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@figgnewton:  Have you tried manual stimulation? I have a hard time orgasming during sex because I need continual stimulation at the same pressure and same speed, which is tricky during sex. Most of the time SO will get me to the O before sex. It doesn’t bother me that I don’t orgasm during sex because I’ve already done it during foreplay. I can just focus on enjoying what we’re doing.

Also, sometimes I like it when the sex is just hard and fast (TMI?? lol) so tell him it’s not necessarily a bad thing if he can’t continue!

And…he may be enjoying it, but you aren’t getting what you want. Ask him if it’s worth it to him to keep things the same at the expense of you missing out.

Post # 14
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Maybe you could take charge in a way, and be the dominant one. Don’t ask, just put yourself in doggy style position and wait. I can’t imagine he’s going to try a different position and be like “Aw, that didn’t feel good”. 


If he’s really uncomfortable trying any, there may be another reason… talk about it. 

Post # 16
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@figgnewton:  then I recommend utilizing foreplay! foreplay can be your time, and sex can be his time! seriously though, if he gives you full attention with his hand (or mouth…or both!) for some time, and you just focus on you…it can totally happen! Sometimes it takes me awhile, but SO doesn’t mind, he wants me to feel good. It’s definitely worth it!

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