Post # 1
I apologize in advance for it being so long.
So I have a friend who got married a couple of years ago and is really gung ho on all of her friends getting married. We were all her bridesmaids and all of us are in serious relationships, but she seems to feel the need to push us to have a wedding like hers (though none of us are officially engaged). Her wedding was wonderful, but other than marriage, my wedding will not resemble hers at all. In fact, I plan on doing immediate family only with a few extra special people in our life. Since I’m not engaged, I don’t want to explain to her all my plans, but she told me that when I did she was so excited to come to my wedding and throw me a shower. I hinted at the fact that she might not be invited, and she sorta got that she was overstepping, but then a little while later she started going off on everything I should do for my wedding.
First she was like make sure you invite a lot of people so that you get tons of presents. I told her, “Uh, I kinda wanted a really small wedding.” She was like, “oh do a destination wedding because then you can invite a lot of people and then they won’t come but give you presents!!!” I just was like well I don’t know, I’ll think about it all, still not wanting to explain my plans.
THEN she was like, well I still want to throw you a bridal shower when you do and invite all of our old friends. I simply responded with, “Well they won’t be invited to the wedding, isn’t that rude?” She was like no, not at all. I had two showers and a lot of the people at the out of state one were not invited to mine. I really don’t want to have a bridal shower with a bunch of people I am not inviting to the wedding. She is so consumed with the presents thing. By having a small low key wedding we won’t be spending the money and can buy what we want and need when we need it.
So what do you think, when I get engaged (this isn’t an if, he is just taking his sweet a– time about it), should I let her go ahead and throw a shower for me?
I was also considering perhaps letting her just throw a dinner party or something where gifts were not required and it wasn’t called a “shower”. We have a get together every time she is in town anyways.
Post # 3
She seems REALLY excited for you to be getting married. I don’t think she means you any harm and if she wants to throw your a bridal party why not let her! I do think its a tad odd that she would invite people that wouldn’t be invited to the wedding but thats it.
Post # 4
Well, you could always ask her to throw you an engagement party. Its wierd that she’s so consumed with you getting married. Maybe she’s trying to be helpful? Maybe her marriage is going thru issues so she’s trying to focus on other things? I’m not sure. If you don’t want anything, just say no thanks, you don’t want a shower. I mean, you get to celebrate how you want. If you’d rather keep to yourself & close friends & family, that’s awesome! She should respect you & your choices. Do you see her often? I’d just try to change subjects or avoid her for a little while if its becoming too much.
Post # 5
I actually don’t see her often. I think she just wants us all to be “in her married club.” She moved far away to be with her husband and hasn’t made any friends where she lives. I think its some excitement that she could really use in her life, which is why I don’t really want to say no thanks. When we hang out, its when she is visiting her folks, I know that it really lifts her spirits to feel like she has girlfriends again, if even for a week.
The thing is, I wouldn’t mind having a shower. I just feel that some of the people attending could be sour because they weren’t invited to the wedding. If she were to invite people who were only invited to the wedding, it would be about 5 girls, 2 who probably couldn’t make it. I don’t think that is what she is envisioning.
Post # 6
Wow, that is a really tricky situation. She’s really overstepping – I feel uncomfortable FOR you. Sounds like she’s more excited to take center stage & take over your planning rather than be happy for you.
If you’re not sure whether or not you’ll invite her to the wedding, I wouldn’t have her host anything for you. She would likely be hurt or offended if she went to all that trouble & then wasn’t invited. To be honest, it sounds like she wants to do all this because she’s trying to solidify an invite from you.
Also – she’s wrong about the etiquette – if you invite someone to a shower you HAVE to invite them to the wedding. It seems like she’s more focused on getting presents than anything else.