- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013 - UK
Now, here’s a random question which requires sensitive handling, ladies…
I sent out my invitations a while ago. Everyone happy, yada yada yada. That is, everyone is happy except for A and B. A and B are atheists. A thinks that belief in a higher power is stupid, and when they saw the invitation, and the fact that it included an hour long religious service, they rolled their eyes and said “an hour… huh… well, that’s OK. We’d put up with any amount of crap for you guys.” This is rather touching, in a way, but it makes me rather uneasy. I don’t want my guests to put up with crap. I want them to be there because they derive pleasure from the experience. I’m not having them there for my health, nor because I somehow need their permission or support. I’m a grown woman… I’m perfectly capable of getting married without any guests save for my Fiance, the priest, and the legally required two witnesses, if needs be. So there was that…
B was more of a problem. B believes that religion is the root of all evil, that it’s followers are mindless, evil drones, and that it is the duty of right thinking people to resist it’s evil claws. My religious service is apparently “forcing my beliefs on my guests” etc etc, rant rant. Now, when B said this to me then this made me rather cross, and I was on the verge of replying “well, you’re an adult, and nobody is forcing you to come!”. However, I restrained myself.
I decided to deal with the situation by subtly telling A afterwards that I don’t really mind if people miss my ceremony and come to the reception. You aren’t supposed to dread a wedding. It’s not like a trip to the dentist… painful but necessary. If you don’t want to go, why bother?
Here’s the kicker… I explained the argument between B and I to Fiance after all of this had transpired, and Fiance got very cross and said “they better come to the ceremony. If they’re eating our food and drinking our drink, the least they can do is to put up with an hour of God stuff”. All very well and good, but I had already told A at this point that attendence was not mandatory. This puts me in a bit of a socially awkward position. (I should clarify though, that I think both A and B will probably come anyway).
I see A and B in a few weeks. If this topic comes up, how should I handle it? A and B should really be involved in at least some aspect of our wedding, because of who they are (without giving too much away about their identities). However, the more I think about it, the more I imagine B in church, with a face like a slapped arse, refusing to sing any of the hymns or pray any of the prayers, radiating disgust from every pore. I also hate the idea of A and B moaning afterwards: “well, you know, it was total ********, a real imposition to sit through, but we do these things for the people we care about!”. It leaves a rather nasty taste in my mouth.
Ho hum. Sometimes it is very difficult to handle these issues sensitively….