Post # 1
This might not be a popular question (going anon FWIW)… but, the Bee has been around now for a handful of years. We’ve all read about and supported and sometimes questioned Bees who have gone through tough times with their FIs/DHs. Some posts get more interest than others. Some Bees come back months later with updates on how they’re doing. Some Bees are still together, some are not. I enjoy reading those updates (not because I’m glad someone is no longer together, but I’m glad they’ve moved on and are in a better place)
We hear Bees wax sentimental about their FIs/DHs; we read about the Bees who are “in it for the long haul.” I wonder how many of the average every day-Bees are divorced or split up. This Board seems to emphasize the wedding over the marriage–and rightly so, it is a community about weddings, I get it. But I just wonder if some of these Bees who get so uptight about their chivari chairs, agonize over an Ering they didn’t like, or have dress regret (you know, the normal Bees, not the ones who’s husbands are texting a cousin’s ex-wife at 2 a.m….wonder how she’s doing btw) are pulled apart by the same normal forces that everyone else is pulled apart by, too?
Does anyone think about this or is it just me? I guess my real thought is whether Bees are just like normal people… do about 50% of them end up divorced? Or is there something that makes Bees different? A greater commitment to a marraige? More interest in getting married? Is it the sharing? The community? The open forum to air things out and clear your head before rushing into things or out of things?
Perhaps a pointless question, but I was just wondering 🙂
Post # 2
All I’m going to say is don’t be a bee blogger- the divorce rate seems higher if you are.
Post # 3
j_jaye: That’s an interesting perspective.
I’ll be honest, I don’t read the blogs. They really don’t interest me as much as the more free-for-all community of the boards. I find your insight interesting 🙂
Post # 4
anonbee8213: Interesting question! Just for some stats – In my group of friends/aquantences, I already know 3 couples who got married, and divorced within a year and were all under 25 years old. In those cases, all three women knew they shouldn’t have gotten married, but did anyway. 1 was because her ex’s mom was dying of cancer, but she had met someone while on her stagette and had been sneaking around with him. Her ex was a GREAT guy, and I think he was the “safe” bet and she didn’t want to upset her FMIL, as she only had a couple months to live after their wedding. She’s now married to the guy she met on her stagette.
The other two were unhappy, and in verbally abusive relationships. I don’t know for sure, but my guess is that they were too scared to cancel the wedding, so close to it happening.
Post # 5
The only way to know for sure is gathering information about every Bee.
Of course, not every Bee is going to answer honestly or even at all.
Such is the downside to research.
Post # 6
I don’t think we will ever get a real life perspective on the Bee. We spend more on our weddings than the average, our rings are bigger than the average, we are prettier and more perfect than the average, and we have happier marriages than the average. Didn’t you know?
Post # 7
I think it’d be impossible to tell. Many Bees get married and never return to this site. Some may call off the wedding or get divorced and never return to this site, meanwhile the last thing we heard from them was that everything was going great.
Or backwards, the last post might be about a rough patch but they worked it out and the bee just never came back. The women (and men) on here are just people and I don’t think anything about this site makes it more or less likely to get divorced.
Post # 8
anonbee8213: This is a very interesting post, and I would love to hear perspective as well. I cannot say I really follow the blogger bees, past or present, so I would have no clue whom amongst them are divorced or not (except 1, because I follow her personal blog!!). As far as ‘regular’ every day bees…it would be interesting to know!!
Both my dear friend and myself hopped on the Bee for wedding planning. She – 4 years ago – at the age of 27, and me this year at 32. We are both still married – her’s stat being more prominent since she has years on me 🙂
Post # 9
anonbee8213: I don’t think Bees are any different or “more committed” to making a marriage work. Personally I have wondered if some will make it after reading their posts, usually in the emotional department. I know everyone here thinks they are marrying their soulmate and you should think that if you are on this forum! Personally I don’t believe in soulmates. I’m older and have been divorced so I guess I’m more leery of that word, some would call it cynical I guess. But call me in 10 years and let me know how it’s going. ;-P
My experience with people in my life is they either got divorced or are in unhappy marriages and that always made me kinda sad. Like yeah, there’s that 50% statistic, but even the majority of the other 50% is unhappy.
2 couples I assumed would last forever are getting divorced now after 20 yrs of marriage.
Post # 10
Very hard to say. Most bees take off after the wedding and dont show up again. There are a few who stick around and then move to the TTC/Babies/Nesting boards and stick there for awhile.
I have been in the bee for about 3 years now, there are VERY few people i used to know who are still around.
The only bee i knew who was honest about their divorce was Chuck Norris. She was TTC and then told us it was over and she was divorcing. She was the best i still miss her.
Post # 11
Sometimes I’m surprised when Bees write about their relationships or ”perfect” fiancé or husbands, but then, they vent and describe some of their SO’s behaviors and I’m like : girl, this is not right. I’m not necessarily talking about physical, emotional or verbal abuse, but signs of immaturity, poor communication or even sometimes, lack of respect. I’m wondering why the heck they’re getting married, or at least, why now if you’re obviously having issues ? So I guess my point is : I think relationships here are pretty much representative of real life, but you need to add to that the self-promotion and vanity that comes with any social media these days. Someone started a thread not so long ago about weddings and keeping up with the Joneses. I thought it was an interesting perspective.
TheMrsTulip: Nobody here will divorce, nobody has debts, everybody is well-off, everybody’s husband is well-endowed, everybody can afford anything, everybody’s wedding will be better than any other wedding they’ve attended so far, everybody’s wedding will be impeccable when it comes to manners and etiquette…
Post # 12
anonbee8213: I might get flamed for this….but wouldn’t be surprised if Bees had a higher divorce rate– or right about the 50% mark.
I feel like people who are seriously that upset over linens, a ring or a friend shaving her pits….is more focused on esthetics and the wedding….and maybe not so much at the big picture. I don’t think it’s wrong that someone who has a wonderful relationship want to have a beautiful wedding……and we all went through a few stressors while planning our weddings. It’s a no brainer…at least I think. But the nature in which some Bees bitch about things….leads me to believe that they care about things that don’t make a marriage. You have to learn to roll with punches to make a marriage work, IMO.
That said, there are also many wonderful, caring, genuine Bees.
Post # 13
MrsEME: Sometimes I feel that way too, or at least worry about it because I know I have had some of those thoughts about “un-important” things. But then I reflected on what brought me to WB. I was googling images to try and find pictures of rings on real hands so I could figure out what I wanted, and all of a sudden I discovered this whole forum where people are ready and willing to indulge every poll, every fleeting idea I have about wedding planning.
I think I would have these thoughts either way (is this right, am I spending too much, not enough, what food should I pick, etc) but would not have an outlet because honestly who wants to hear about those issues unless they are planning a wedding. What I’m trying to say is that I think the community aspect and instant feedback of WB contributes to people sharing things that they might not necessarily discuss with others in real life. And I think that overall, that’s a good thing. I’ve learned a lot from this forum. But as always, indulge in moderation 🙂
Post # 14
Interesting topic, OP. Honestly, I think that it’d be nearly impossible to get a good idea of how many Bees divorce on the boards. Our user base seems to be wealthier than average…not just because of the huge rings and houses, but because at least in the United States, the richer are more likely to marry than everyone else. Plus, it doesn’t help that very few regulars on the Bee stick around after their weddings. I’ve been here for two years, and so many users have come and gone!
MrsEME: I think I agree with your hunch. There are many times where I’ve seen users concerned about how to choose their center pieces, for example, while they have much bigger concerns in their relationships that are evident to readers.
Post # 15
honeybee2014: Oh yeah– I mean– I had a total rant the few days before my wedding because we got a last minute RSVP that ADDED 4 people. They added 4 people and I was sick the week before my wedding. Like sick in bed…..so who knows if it was RSVP that set me over, over being sick LOL
I don’t think it’s strange to want to see pics with hands and rings– I get why choosing your ering is important- you’ll wear it forever (hopefully). And I agree with what you are saying. There are just people who bitch about the most diva-ish crap on here- and I am am more referring to that. Sure, some of them might be oversharing beause they are on here….but you can sort of tell which ones take thier rant seriously and which ones are just bitching…because. Everyone has to do that onece in awhile.
There’s a bee who is already disappointed in a ring she hasn’t seen yet– and it seems like it’s seriourly stressing her out. I can’t even take someone like that seriously- because I cant imagine what dealing with them in real life would be like :/