- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I am a former Waiting Bee myself. After three years of dating, my honey finally proposed in December. I was so excited and I will admit – I just felt such more relaxed after it happened. It was beyond time for us, and the right thing and moment – it had been for a little while.
A friend of mine, who was also dating her boyfriend almost exactly three years, just got engaged (we are in our late 20s)!I know that half of her best friends from college had gotten engaged in the last year or two. I’m sure she was dying for it to happen, and probably whined about it a bit, and is so excited it finally happened.
But this got me to thinking…..I have two friends who are also our age who have been dating their boyfriends for eternity, it seems, compared to our relationships. About 6 or 7 years! And they are still not engaged. They both have very stable jobs. I know both of my girlfriends really want to be engaged to be married (although I would never flat out ask them about it – you can tell by their demeanor and the “it will happen when its meant to happen” attitude that is probably what their boyfriends tell them). From being there, I know it is like a punch in the stomach every time another one of your friends get engaged.
Why do some people need six or seven plus years to propose? I don’t get it. I want these girls to both have the happiness they truly deserve and not kept in limbo for however long until these guys man up and propose. I’m sure both dudes will do it eventually, but I would be surprised if either one did it much before a year or two from now.
I do think it is up to women to sort of gently be guiding the guy in the direction. I think some women are more comfortable doing this when the time is clearly right (like me, and my friend I spoke about in the first paragraph). I think others (like the other two girls I know) do not want to appear pushy or like they are forcing the guy – they want to come to it on his own terms.
The thing is, I do think guys need that push. They get lazy, comfortable, and afraid of change. It was funny HOW much my FI LOVES being engaged now. I asked him, it wasn’t so scary was it? He admits now that most of the reasons that held him back were totally not valid – being engaged hasn’t changed our relationship, only served to enrich it and make us both happier and appreciative of each other. He admits he doesn’t know what he was afraid of for so long 🙂
So ladies…I think it’s ok to be firm with your guy. No ultimatums, but be firm, if you know it is the right time in the relationship for your next step, don’t be afraid to bring up the marriage discussion on a regular basis, discuss timelines you are both OK with, and make it clear you want to be married and make a family with him and if he doesn’t feel the same way around more or less the same time, you will both have a lot of thinking to do….
I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, I just got to thinking today about all this and wanted to post my two cents. Take it or leave it 🙂