Post # 1
And I am so gonna piss off my FI’s mother tomorrow. And I don’t give a flying fuck.
ONCE AGAIN she gets something for my DAUGHTER and totally ignores getting anything for my SON!!! My daughter is also my FI’s daughter. My son is from another marriage. WTF?!?!?! It shouldn’t matter if we’re married or not, THEY ARE SIBLINGS!!!!
I am so NOT keeping my mouth shut tomorrow. I have HAD IT with her pulling this shit. AND my FI does NOTHING and SAYS NOTHING when it happens.
Post # 3
Unless it was my daughter’s birthday, I would be drawing limits for this woman.
She either buys for them both or not at all.
She is an adult and should know how hurtful this would be for your son.
Also time for your FI to grow a set.
Post # 4
@julies1949: THANK YOU!!!!
I’ve been nice and tried letting my FI deal with his mother. But not after this. IF she “suddenly” has something for my son tomorrow, I’m still bringing it up because HIS FATHER told me tonight and all they have is the “gown” for my daughter!
In fact, the more I think on it, I’m gonna call his dad and talk to him and tell HIM how I feel.
I gotta give it to my mom. Despite not being the best parent or grandmother around, SHE treats them equally. Even my bro’s MIL treats my bro’s kids AND MINE equally. which is kinda sad.
Post # 6
You have GOT to be kidding. Who does that?! I totally agree with telling her what is up. If that doesn’t work, I’d totally send back all daughter only presents (obvs without your little girl knowing) with cheerful notes saying things like “Hey MIL! Thanks for littlegirl’sname gift, but, like we discussed, husband and I only give gifts to both kids!” then I’d mentally shoot flames at her. Good luck! She sounds like a gem! 🙂
Post # 7
@An Alaskan Bride: This. How can ANYONE think it’s okay to ignore a child’s existence. Blood or not, you are still family!
Post # 8
@future.mrs.campfield: thank you!!!
@An Alaskan Bride: oh, gods, is she EVER!!!
You’re gonna LOVE this excuse: She’s into girlie stuff and is only in the girl’s department so that’s why she’s buying girl stuff and not boy stuff. Now, I don’t care if she buys stuff for my daughter, but at least wait until you have something for BOTH before giving it to them!!!!
WTF?!?!? My son is NINE!!! Does she think he isn’t going to notice?!?!? PLEASE!
So, I called and kept my cool and talked to his dad. Who gave me that GEM of an excuse. He said he’d talk to her and work it out. If that gown comes out tomorrow, and nothing for Hunter, the kids are gonna be sent out while I tear them a new one and walk out. WITH the kids. BOTH kids.
Post # 9
@Potatoes: THAT is what I’ve been trying to tell my FI.
His parents are Mormon and we’re not married. HE claims that’s the reasoning behind a lot of what she does. NOT BUYING IT! Especially when SHE was pregnant BEFORE GETTING MARRIED!
I love my son, and yeah he gets away with a lot with me, but COME ON!!!! They’re siblings. They don’t see each other as “half” anything.
To make it worse, I KNOW what will happen if this keeps up. RESENTMENT and ANGER and JEALOUSY. And not just towards each other, but anger and resentment will be aimed towards the grandparents. I should know: my grandmother (my mom’s mother) preferred my brother to me. Been there, done that, I AM NOT putting my son through it because she wants to prefer my daughter.
NO WAY IN HELL. Not as long as I live.
Post # 10
@Zinzerena: Good for you! These people are grown adults, and they should know well enough to treat two children the same! She wouldn’t have her granddaughter and the little girl’s friend over but just give the granddaughter a treat…wth lady?!
Let them know, clearly and specifically, that they’re wrong and you will not tolerate it, and then I’d follow @An Alaskan Bride:‘s advice and return any singular gifts. What a piece of work.
Post # 11
@indibee: Thank you!!!
Thank you to ALL of you!!! It’s soooo goood to know that I have so much support on here! I really REALLY appreciate it!!
Post # 12
Um, I’m going to go against the grain here. I think its important to show kids that you love them equally, but I don’t think it always has to be silmultaneous. In fact, I think kids really appreciate being singled out for love an attention, and it helps them thrive. Also, being the child who does not get a gift helps teach them that they are not the center of the universe.
By the age of 9, I think its ok to give one a present and not the other. However, I think its important that at some point in the future, the little boy gets something special from grandma. Maybe not a toy of exact dollar value, but maybe an afternoon off school where grandma picks him up and do something fun.
Does that make sense? I’m not saying its ok to ignore one kid… (I hope this isn’t read the wrong way)
Post # 13
@Mrs.LemonDrop: It makes sense, except he’s always gotten the lower-end toys and stuff from her. And I’ve been told BY MY FI that she prefers girls. It’s obvious by the fact there’s more pictures of the girls than any of the boys in the house.
If it weren’t for that, I’d agree. BUT, this is a constant thing. Daughter gets stuff almost EVERY TIME she visits and my son gets ZILCH.
If it were equal treatment all around, I wouldn’t complain. But this hasn’t been equal from day one.
After all, my son gets stuff from school that my daughter doesn’t get. My daughter gets stuff while she’s out with me or her dad that my son doesn’t get. It’s natural and it’s gonna happen. But it equals out.
It hasn’t been equal with FMIL. AT ALL. THAT is why I’m complaining and ranting. 🙂
Oh, and I told my FI what I did: He’s fine with it. Yay! lol, like he’s got much of choice since I DO have a good argument (even his dad agreed on that).
Post # 14
My grandmother did a similar thing when my siblings and I were younger. My sister and I were adopted. My parents are white, brothers are white, my sister and I are black. She was upset that they adopted black children. So she would give my brothers Christmas presents, etc, but nothing for us. She would send them in the mail. My parents were not about to deal with this, so they just didn’t give them the presents. None of us knew about this until we were older adults. We also didn’t see my grandmother when we were younger. She eventually got over the whole black thing we were allowed to see her. She was extremely nice to us and loves us now… but finding that out was really sad for me.
I agree with you that your FI’s mother should not be showing favortism based on your daughter being from another marriage. That’s just ridiculous! I would say the same things to her if I were you. Good luck! Maybe talking to her will make her realize how damaging that can be to a kid. Plus, your FI loves your daughter just as he does your son. If he doesn’t have a problem with it, neither should she!
Post # 15
@kperry3: I am so sorry you and sister had to go through that! I can imagine how heartbreaking it would be to learn that your grandmother had done that!
Thanks so much for understanding!
Favoritism in any way shouldn’t be done towards siblings. It isn’t right to EITHER child. I always swore both my kids would be treated equal or else and I’m sticking by that and, thankfully, (after a few rounds of yelling and crying with my FI, lol) my FI agrees.
The saddest part is, she’s always favored girls over boys, even with her own kids. and NO ONE has EVER said anything to her, despite her have several older grandkids! WHY do parents allow THEIR parents to do this? Yes, it’s your mom or dad, but come on! The cycle has to end eventually, right???? Someone needs to grow a pair and tell the grandparent that why they’re doing is WRONG.
Post # 16
My father’s mother was the same way. She favored my older cousin because she was her first grandchild. She would take her places and buy her stuff and my sister and I never got anything. When my cousin graduated from high school, she got a brand new car. My sister and I didn’t even get a freaking card.
This is totally unfair to your son and it will create resentment. Even if she prefers shopping for girls or doesn’t have any idea what to get for boys, couldn’t your FFIL buy stuff for you son? Or help her pick out boy toys?