Post # 1
I found out today that my Aunt, who is throwing a Bridal Shower for me (along with my Grandma) has invited extended family members that are not invited to the wedding to the shower. Not only that – she has invited people I don’t EVEN KNOW.
And what really makes me upset is that I gave her a list of all the women that were invited to the wedding, and that she could only invite those on the list.
She may have done this because my FI’s sister is throwing a shower in Chicago (where FI and I live) and we’re already having a small wedding, so the guest list for the shower will be very small. But that gives her no right to invite people that ARE NOT invited to the wedding.
I am beyond frustrated. I haven’t spoken to her yet because I am at work – but I am livid. It makes ME appear as though I am gift-grabbing. It’s so utterly tacky.
Post # 3
Woo saaaah. I completely feel you — this happened/is happening to me as well, to a degree.
I asked the “do-gooder” hostesses to please stress to guests that NO GIFTS are requested. Do I want gifts from those invited to the wedding? Sure I do. But my pride won’t let me admit it. Like you, I don’t want it to seem like I’m pandering for presents.
Perhaps see if Dear Aunt can indicate that you only want recipes or something. Apparently people get really excited about weddings and being close to the bride; folks may just want to wish you well.
Post # 4
It’s okay. The same thing happened to me. I showed up to my shower and there were all these people not invited to the wedding, but I just had to roll with it. I gave them a list, they added more people, oh well. I couldn’t do anything so I just ejoyed myself. We all had a fabulous time and my mom and aunt made sure they knew this didn’t mean they were invited to the wedding so I didn’t have to deal with it.
It will be okay. Enjoy your shower and remember people will come because they love you and want to share in your celebration. They will understand you did not have a hand in this.
Post # 5
I completely understand how you feel like its grabby – I agree. However, I would NEVER think it was grabby of the bride. It will reflect poorly on those planning the shower, guest typically know the bride had nothing to do with planning the shower.
Post # 6
regarding your wedding, how small is small? if you are only having 20 people at your wedding, it is ok for people to be invited to your shower that aren’t invited to your wedding as long as they are told ahead of time.
your grandmother is the host, not you. any you don’t know these people. i wouldn’t worry about it. let the tact fall on your grandmother and aunt.
Post # 7
@LilyPea: I agree with PP’s = woosaaaa it out.
She invited them – she will look crazy – not you.
Don’t stress – if you didn’t knwo them before how bad will you feel when she tells them that they aren’t coming to the wedding (when they ask her).
Yes – its awful – but my mom just did a similar thing – I figured I can stress and cry and be upset that these people ‘might’ be offended by *her* actions – but they were *her* actions.
I sent my mom a simple text that said ‘So and so wasn’t invited to the wedding – can you make sure their feelings aren’t hurt about it?’
I actually am friends with this couple – but we just are not close like that so I felt it was neccesary to have HER respond to them…if you feel it is also neccesary you could say something along the same lines. ‘Hey, so – and so weren’t invited….’