Weddingbee boards

FI's paternal aunts have a tradition where a particular figurine was placed in the background of their bridal portraits, and then later appeared in the bridal portraits of their daughters. I can't get a straight answer of the significance of the figurine, but I think it may have belonged to FI'd grandmother or great grandmother.

Anyway, FI's aunt #1 asked if I would like the figurine for my portraits or to display at the wedding. I'm not doing portraits ahead of time (I think this is a southern thing and I am a true blue Yankee?) and already had plans for the one table where there could be a display. (I'm doing a photo display of our parents, grandparents, and siblings at their weddings.) So I thanked aunt #1 for the very generous offer, but declined. FI and his parents were fine with that.

Now aunts #2 and #3 are furious because they say I am not respecting their family traditions. The figurine was not offered to my MIL or other women who married into the family, but apparently aunts thought because I am marrying the first grandson, I should have it. On the one hand, this is very generous and inclusive. On the other hand, well, I'll be honest, I can't see including something no one can tell me the significance of, that is visually unappealing to me, and for which I would need to alter plans for what I thought was going to be a nice display that is inclusive of both families. And to be blunt, I'm also a bit fed up because I have bent over backwards to do other things that FI's family considers wedding musts (band, children in bridal party, making room for 6-12 toasts by all the aunts and uncles) that are not part of my family's wedding preferences.

How have you negotiated including/excluding family traditions?

The request itself doesn't seem so unreasonable, so if you are looking for a way to keep the peace, you could easily take a picture or two with it (no need to put it out at the reception).  It would take an extra 3 minutes, not a huge deal.

It sounds like, however, the bigger issue is that you feel pressured on an ongoing basis, and have chosen this request to draw your line in the sand with.  In that case, I think it's important that you stick to your guns, but articulate it not as "I had this particular idea," but rather as "while I am happy to be incorporating so many of your family traditions already, I can't do everything, and this is what I've chosen not to do."  And, of course, your fiance needs to be supporting you on this (or else you need to discuss it with him until you both agree).