Rant: First anniversary forgotten twice by hubby. Sorry long

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

Aw, sorry it was such a bad experience. Does he have a history of forgetting anniversaries and things? If it’s not his baseline, do you think there is something that is bothering him or causing him to forget?

Post # 3
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry 🙁  Is he generally not the romantic type?  Does he generally make an effort for your birthday with cards and planning?  Some people, especially guys just aren’t very sentimental.  If you want something special for anniversaries you might have to be more forward with him. 

Post # 4
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you’re overreacting. I would’ve assumed the trip itself was the gift as well and as for the letters, it’s sweet, but some guys just aren’t THAT sentimental. Since you’re mad though it might be a good idea to read them now and remember why you love each other so much.

Post # 5
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have assumed that the trip was the gift as well. My husband and I often do that. Instead of exchanging gifts, we’ll just spend money on a trip or outing. 

I think you should just let this one go OP. I’d understand your irritation if you hadn’t spent your anniversary on vacation, but it sounds like that in and of its self was a celebration. This doesn’t seem worth holding a grudge over.

Post # 6
Member
3702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Honestly, if I were going on a trip to Germany for my anniversary, I wouldn’t think another gift was warranted either and I wouldn’t get one. As far as forgetting the love notes, it’s entirely possible that he did, in fact, forget the love notes. Guys aren’t generally sentimental about mushy stuff like that and don’t tend to dwell on things like the love notes needing to be opened sometime this weekend. 

Bottom line, he’s not a mind reader, if you want something, ask. Don’t just wait for him to forget something so that you can be mad at him for forgetting. You could have easily mentioned the love letters that weekend as well.

Post # 9
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Some people just aren’t big on ceremonies, or they aren’t sure how their partner wants milestones celebrated. I know that if my DH and I took a trip around our anniversary, that would be it — there’d be no other gifts or anything.

This just comes down to communication — I’d try not to be mad at your DH about it. If marking your anniversary with a card, a gift, or other ceremony is important to you, then I’d just tell your husband that clearly. Say, “Hey hubby, I really find it meaningful to celebrate our anniversary by writing cards to each other and exchanging gifts. Is that someting you want to do, too?” and go from there — there may need to be some compromise involved if he (like me!) does not enjoy the pressure of coming up with a gift. 

Post # 10
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

bzbride2277:  I can see why your feelings would be a little hurt, but I’d communicate that to him and then let it go. Let him know he can redeem himself on anniversary #2 

True story: My husband booked some music thing with his buddy on the weekend of our first anniversary, not realizing that weekend was our anniversary(When his buddy said second weekend of such month, he didn’t know that our anniversary fell on that). He had already made the commitment, and it was kind of a big deal, so I let it go. When he realized how hurt I was, he has never forgotten or down played an anniversary since. 

Post # 11
Member
3702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

bzbride2277:  Not everyone has the same expectations of how anniversaries should be celebrated. If you want a card on your anniversary, tell him. If you want him to say “Happy Anniversary” to you before you say it to him, tell him. I know it’s pretty common for women to want men to do the “right” things without being told just because they want to do them, but that isn’t reality. Some people need a little guidance on how to make you happy.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  SithLady.
Post # 12
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

bzbride2277:  Do you typically exchange cards for birthdays, Christmas, or anything? We don’t exchange cards ever so I wouldn’t expect one on my Anniversary. But if you usually do I can see why you might.

Post # 13
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you need to be clear and direct that this stuff is important to you. It probably doesn’t occur to him to do these things, not because he doesn’t love you but some guys just aren’t into that stuff. Tell him what you need to feel loved. Everyone needs to be loved in different ways and as your husband he should be able to do these things for you.

Post # 14
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ugh. I’m sorry.

And I don’t think you’re overreacting, I think you’re entitled to how you feel about this. Also, just because one partner isn’t big on celebrating anniversaries, doesn’t mean that the other partner should let go of his or her desire to celebrate. I think there is definitely a middle ground in there somewhere.

My exbf’s birthday was the day after mine, and one year, he FORGOT my birthday. How does that even happen? I was so mad.

Also, to top things off with being puked on, I’d have a problem containing my disappointment as well. But, as other PPs said, this is a perfect time to get in some serious communication practice so you can convey your expectations and needs/wants for the future. I’m just sorry it had to come at the cost of your first wedding anniversary.

 

Post # 15
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

put a calendar appt in his phone with a reminder for a few days before. 

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